I shake my head to clear my mind and blurt. “None of it. I cheated.”
He bursts out laughing.
“I mean, I didn’t cheat for real. But I cheated because I didn’t learn a thing. I only memorized things for the tests, and then I went out and partied that night, and then the shit flew right out of my brain with the pot smoke.”
Oh. My. God. What the hell did I just say? Filter, Shannon. Filter.
His smile grows. “Well, we have our work cut out for us.”
“Look, I really don’t belong in this class, OK? I’m terrible at math. I don’t understand why I can’t just take some stupid lower math to get that credit.”
He looks down at his paperwork, which to my horror I realize is my file. My fucking file. This hot motherfucker who dresses like a biker and a teacher in the same day has been reading about me.
“Well, you took all AP classes in ninth and tenth grade. Why would we assume you’re not smart enough to move forward?”
“Right, but that was two years ago. This is twelfth grade.”
He leans back in his chair again, like I’m about to tell him a story and he’s interested.
“I don’t know why I was put in those AP classes, OK? I’m really not that smart, but most importantly, I’m really not that motivated.”
He looks down at my file again and taps it. “Then how did you get an A in AP Biology?” When he looks up, I can tell his mood is changing. He’s going from biker who thinks I’m funny to teacher who thinks I’m lying.
“Biology was different.”
“How so?”
“Um…” Holy fuck. Why? Why me, God? It’s my birthday and you can’t cut me one fucking break?
“I mean,” he continues, “it’s not easy. So how was it different?”
“I liked it, I guess. And biology made sense. Math does not make sense.”
“Well, that’s why you’re here with me, Shannon.” He doesn’t say my name. He growls it. “So maybe you just never had the right teacher.”
And then his legs stretch out under the table and rub up against mine.
I have my feet pulled all the way under my chair, so even if I wanted to escape his touch, I can’t. So I just sit there, imagining his biker boots as they press up against my Chucks, and pretend it’s not happening.
I take a deep breath and exhale. He either takes the hint that I’m overwhelmed, or he didn’t even notice in the first place. But either way, he pulls his legs back and the excitement I felt recedes.
“OK, well, you’re stuck here. Bowman made it very clear that you need this class to graduate and we’ve got a lot to cover in one semester. In fact, you should not expect to graduate in the spring. You’ll probably get your diploma at the end of the summer.”
“What?” Oh, my God. For real, I’m gonna cry now.
“Well,” he says, leaning back and placing his hands behind his neck again, “you said you’re not motivated so I’m going to assume you’re not lying about that. You’ll be super lazy and you won’t do the work.”
I look down and wring my hands in my lap. I wish I could go back one year and decide never to go to California with Jill. I should’ve just stayed where I was. Maybe asked one of my friends if their parents would let me hang out for a year and a half until graduation. I could’ve worked at Jackie’s dad’s Harley shop. Or done secretary work for Ronnie’s boss at the welding shop. Jesus, in what world is fuck-up Ronnie my saving grace?
This one, Shannon. It’s funny how people you thought were total losers turn out to be stable and good when you see the real world through the eyes of a castaway teenager for nine months.
“Are you going to do the work, Shannon?”
I can’t even meet his gaze. I just stare at my wringing hands. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“You always have a choice. You can choose to be anything you want. Lazy is easy. Skate, you said this morning. You’ve been skating through life for a while now, haven’t you? You’re so smart you don’t have to study unless you want to. You can get an A on the final and pass the class, so why apply yourself?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” But I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat. I’m really going to cry.
His legs stretch out again, and that feeling from his touch is back. “I know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve been you, Shannon.”
I look up just as the tears stream down my face. “No one has been me, Mr. Alesci.” I growl his name the same way he did mine and it makes him smile. That just pisses me off more. “You have no idea who I am and what I’ve been through.”
“You don’t know me either.”
“Well, I know who you’re not. You’re not Shannon Drake. And I don’t give a flying fuck what that file says. That file isn’t Shannon Drake either.”