My hands moved, resting over her heart, and the other curled around her neck. "Don't be. I'll never hurt you." My hands wandered down her body, lingering for a few moments, before I brought my eyes back to hers.
Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt me there. I could feel her body tense, but she pulled on my shoulders, telling me she wanted it as I slowly entered her.
She winced, unable to hold back, burying her face in my shoulder. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, if I hurt her. Technically, she was a virgin. It would still be like her first time for a while.
"Jesus," I groaned. Ami's eyes opened, focusing on my words that continued to fall from my lips. I had no idea what I was saying, but it was a lot of groaning and cussing. It felt too fucking good not to. At some point I moved my lips to her shoulder, trying to control the moan when she wrapped her legs around me, inadvertently letting me go deeper.
"Careful," I told her, struggling to catch my breath. "We need to be careful."
"I know."
"Look at me. I need to see that you're okay." I moved again, this time my hand moved and angled her chin up so I could see her eyes. They had tears in them and her chin was quivering. But I knew she was okay. The tears weren't from pain. It probably hurt; the tightness consuming me told me I was stretching her enough that she had to feel some pain. Those tears, the ones falling freely from her eyes, told me that she felt what I wanted her to feel. The passion, the love, all of it was plastered across her face, mirroring my own. This memory, the one happening right now was something I never wanted to forget. It was a moment in time I knew I would want to relive. I would want to take a snapshot of her face, the one telling me I was the first and I would be her last, I knew that by her expression. That was why I wanted this memory with me forever. Nothing is forever, I'm not stupid, but this memory, it could be.
I wanted this. For so long I wanted this. I wanted to feel her beneath me. I wanted to make love in the warmth of her blue eyes and be the stars I saw in them. I was.
I would do anything for this girl. And she knew that. It had never been about the sex for me. There was always something deeper with her, and I saw that from the very beginning. It was about her and what I saw in those starry blues. It was everything she told me through them.
It felt different being with Ami than it did with other girls. Maybe because I loved her and didn't love the others. Maybe it was because she loved me and not what we were doing, or maybe it was just Ami and everything with her was different. The way she looked at me, the way she touched me, the words she said, it was all different from everything else I had ever felt.
I knew when her hips began to move, still wincing from me being inside her, that I wasn't going to last long. It'd been six months since I had sex with anyone. I wasn't lasting long.
My movements became slightly more frantic as I rocked against her. Ami found my eyes again. I wanted her to come but knew that wasn't happening. For one, she was probably in too much pain. And two, I wasn't lasting long enough for that. Maybe next time.
Being with her like this was more than I imagined. And I imagined it a lot. Believe me. I was suffocating in the sensation of her, and I wasn't willing to breathe without her breath in my lungs.
It felt good to be close with her like this, feel myself moving inside her. Sure there was fear and anger anytime I thought about how I fell for her and who had hurt her, but this girl wrecked me. I was here, physically conveying my love.
Ami took my face in her hands and kissed me, pouring more emotion and love into that one kiss than I had ever felt in my lifetime.
There were so many times these last five months that I had to physically stop myself from feeling or thinking certain emotions, afraid of where they would lead me. Right here, right now, I wanted to feel everything, breathe it in, and remember it. I wanted her to feel those very same things just by touching my skin and feeling my breath.
I loved her. I wanted her not just to know it but to feel it consume her. I wanted my love beating in her heart.
When I came, she was watching me, the same passion displayed on her face as I felt. My eyes closed, feeling every last electrifying pulsation throughout my body. My breath, heavy and warm, touched her cheek and she sighed, her arms wrapping around me a little tighter.
Pressing my lips to her neck, I whispered that I loved her, so quietly, but I knew she heard me.
Rolling to lay beside her, I removed the condom.
That was when I heard her whimper, her hands brushing over her cheeks. The lighting was low, but I could see the tears sliding from the corner of her eyes.
"Shit…are you okay?" I asked, pulling the sheets up and around her shivering frame. My breath washed over her, turning her to face me. My hands gently cradled her head.
"Yes." Her voice shook. She wasn't okay. "I just have something in my eye."
"Bullshit." I touched her cheek, wiping away the tears with my thumb. "Did I hurt you?"