Did he think she was dead?
The gaps my mind filled in were the worst part for me, especially after seeing what I had. I imagined her walking alone and then some guy attacking her. I imagined her screaming, fighting for her life, frantically trying to get him off her, and then her just taking it, knowing she had no chance.
The images were enough to make me physically sick, and they did. I couldn't even eat. So I couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, and now I couldn't eat. I was fucked.
As far as I was concerned, it didn't matter if this guy was sorry for what he had done. That didn't mean a goddamn thing to me anymore.
Why?
Because while I was throwing out those bloody clothes, and that girl was fighting just to make it another day, that motherfucker was free right now. No fucking way I was settling for that.
Zone – Three areas made up by the two blue lines. The attacking zone is the area farthest from the goal a player is defending. The neutral zone is the central area. The defending zone is the area where a player's goal is and where the team's goalie is stationed.
After I went home and couldn't sleep, I took two showers, and then sat in my living room watching highlights from the Eastern Conference games. When nothing took my mind off her, I decided to go back to the hospital.
When I got there her doctor wasn't around, but they said he lived only a few minutes away. Now that I thought about, I had recognized him. He lived in the same building as me.
The poor nurse on call Christmas Day had said the doctor had to go back in last night and perform another surgery. He ended up leaving her skull flap open to allow pressure relief. I understood none of it but did a lot of nodding.
They let me see her again, and the same gut wrenching feeling came over me. I was relieved a little to see that she was still alive, but then a nagging sadness crept in. I It was Christmas, and she had no one but me.
Knowing Leo wouldn't be traveling this Christmas, I called him.
When I told him what happened, he immediately came to the hospital. He claimed I shouldn't be alone.
"I wonder who did this to her?" Leo said, sitting next to me in the waiting room. His usual curly, light brown hair was matted to one side. Judging by his tired, bloodshot eyes, he must have had a long night, but probably nothing like mine.
"I don't know, but every time I think about it I want to fucking kill the guy." I shook my head, staring at the tile floor. Leaning back in the chair, I crossed my arms over my chest, shifting my weight to the side. "What the fuck possesses someone to do that shit?"
Leo's eyes caught a nurse as she walked passed. "Not sure, man. Hey, would it be weird if I asked that girl to exam my dick. It's itchy."
"Yes, that would be weird. Don't do that."
"Fine. You look at it. Tell me if I'm dying." Leo stood reaching for the button of his jeans, his dark flannel pushed up showing me his stomach. "I'm really worried."
Before he had the chance to unbutton his jeans, I punched his stomach with a good amount of force behind it.
He fell over, clutching his gut, sputtering out, "You're such a jerk sometimes."
"Well, I'm confused. At what point in our relationship did you think it would be okay to show me your dick?"
He coughed for a while and then got back in the chair beside me.
"Oh hey, look!" Leo nudged my ribs, still a little winded, pointing toward another nurse walking our direction with a handful of gray files stacked in one hand and a cup of Starbucks coffee in her other. "Isn't that Natalie?"
My eyes squinted, and I remembered her, well her lips anyway. They gave me some good memories if I remembered correctly. She walked right by us until Leo whistled and she stopped. "You really gonna ignore two Blackhawks?"
Natalie stopped, glanced over her shoulder, and then gave a half smile and walked over to us. "Let me guess, waitin' on Remy?"
Leo laughed, reaching for her badge, and then snagged it from her scrubs, sticking it in his pocket. "No, Mase here is stalking a girl in the ICU."
"Leo!" I smacked him again, this time on the side of the head.
Natalie reached for her name tag back, and Leo put his hand over his pocket, waving his hand at her, simultaneously flipping me off. "If you want this you gotta check something for me."
"What?"
"Wrong question to ask," I told her, watching the snow fall from the window behind her.
"My dick." Leo once again reached for his jeans, this time getting the top button undone before Natalie kicked his shin. "It's red," he defended as if that would make dropping his pants in a hospital okay.
"I'm not that kind of doctor."
"You're a doctor?"
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Yes. I'm a pediatrician. Why?"
"I thought you were a nurse," I said, looking to the snow again.