Closing my eyes, I chew on my bottom lip, the memory of the game he’s referring to returning with striking clarity. I can almost hear the roar of the crowd in the stands. Smell the hot dogs and beer. Feel the frigid wind whip against my face.
“You told me you loved me, and not just as a friend.”
When I open my eyes, there’s a smile on Trevor’s mouth. It reminds me of the carefree, spirited person I met my freshman year, not the Trevor he turned into. He’s my Trevor again.
“And do you remember what happened after that?”
“The game went into double overtime. By the time we won, I was so cold. I joked I had hypothermia and the only way to make sure I didn’t perish was by stripping so we were skin to skin.”
“You sure did.” As he continues closing the distance between us, our chests rise and fall in sync. Suddenly, everything about him becomes familiar, simple, easy, like riding a bike. Despite the passing of time, you don’t forget how to hop back on, even after a nasty fall. It may take some time to build up the courage to ride full on again, but you eventually do.
“I didn’t really have hypothermia,” I say in a breathy voice.
“I know. But I would have been an idiot to turn away your offer for some skin-to-skin time.” He adjusts his stance, his hand going to the small of my back and bringing my body flush with his. He lowers his mouth toward mine, the warmth of his breath dancing on my lips. “I was such an idiot to push you away, Evie. I knew it was a mistake, but refused to admit it. I hated seeing you with another man. It drove me crazy to think someone else was enjoying my laughs, my smiles…my lips.”
Hypnotized by his heartfelt plea, I succumb to the pull Trevor has on me, all reason leaving me as his lips brush against mine for the first time in over six months.
“I don’t care what I have to do to win back your heart, I’ll do it. You’ll never have to doubt me again, just please… Give me a chance.”
He doesn’t even allow me to respond as he presses his mouth even firmer against mine, kissing me like he did for so many years. When he first broke up with me in June, this was exactly what I wanted. But now, it feels lacking, foreign…wrong. It’s missing something…something only Julian’s kisses ever provided me. A feeling of love. I’m no longer thinking of kissing Trevor, but of Julian, recalling the magnitude of his blue eyes in the photos Viv selected for the article. I’d expected to see all shots with his head cut off, recalling the numerous times the man I thought to be August Laurent insisted his anonymity was all he had. Instead, every single photo was of him, August…
Trevor kisses me deeper, but his hand roaming my frame lacks the confidence Julian’s touch had. I’m transported to the Steam Room the day I received that first phone call from August Laurent, his voice still strong in my memory.
“If I ever find someone worth giving this all up for, I’ll gladly grant your magazine an exclusive photo shoot and you can plaster my face from here to kingdom come.”
The realization hits me like a freight train. Breathless, I stumble away from Trevor, as if he holds some contagious disease. I stare into his eyes, but all I see are Julian’s. The same deep pools of sorrow and pain staring back at me from the pages of the magazine. It’s not August in those images. Not to me. It’s Julian.
Bringing my hand to my lips where the ghost of Trevor’s lackluster kiss lingers, I step back. The truth has been glaring at me all along, but I was too stubborn to open my eyes. Yes, I was angry at Julian for lying, but what really irritated me was the idea of him sharing himself with all those women. He never did that. They only got to know August Laurent…mysterious, enigmatic, aloof.
I got to know Julian Gage.
My broken, damaged, tortured Julian.
My lascivious, passionate, amorous Julian.
My beautiful, caring, kindhearted Julian.
“Evie?” Trevor’s concerned voice cuts through. “Are you okay? I thought—”
“He’s showing his face.”
He tilts his head to the side and pinches his lips together. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s showing his face,” I repeat, this time louder. My heart pounding, I snap out of my stupor and grab my boots, tugging them over my leggings. “He said it himself.” My voice grows increasingly excited and frantic with each word I speak, my heart ready to burst. “He would only reveal who he was when he found someone who made it worth giving up. He’s willing to walk away just to have a chance with me. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
I whirl around, heading toward the front door. As I’m about to open it, I pause, facing Trevor once more. His brow furrows in confusion at my sudden change of demeanor. I don’t know how to explain it, either.
Flinging my arms around him, I plant one last kiss on his cheek. It’s fitting, in a way. Trevor is the reason I met Julian in the first place. Now he’s the reason I finally opened my eyes to what’s been staring at me all along.
“Thank you, Trevor!”
I spin from him, dashing out of the apartment. As I run into the rain, I feel a little like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life when he rushed through the streets of Bedford Falls, desperately trying to get home to the people he loved. And that’s what I’m doing, too...trying to get home.
Julian is my home.
Chapter Forty-One
Adrenaline courses through me as I jump out of the cab in front of Julian’s building. The entire drive from Chloe’s, I tried to figure out what to say. I’m not sure any words will be adequate, but I suppose apologizing for my behavior, admitting I was wrong, is probably a good start. He claimed he’d give it all up for me, but I refused to listen, insisting I’d never be able to believe another word out of his mouth. So he did one better. He showed me. Now it’s time I show him how much he means to me, how sorry I am for all this wasted time.
I’m a nervous wreck as I ride up the elevator to his penthouse apartment. I don’t know what to expect when he opens the door. I hope he opens the door. I never even stopped to consider he might not be here or, worse, is here but refuses to speak to me. After all, I deserve it. I refused to speak to him.
When the elevator slows to a gradual stop and the doors open, an emptiness settles in my stomach, my mouth growing dry. This is it. My grand gesture. I like to think Julian wouldn’t want those photos to be published in an article revealing August Laurent’s identity if he’d given up on me. Then again, I could be wrong. It could all be a ploy by Viv to get me to agree to the assistant editor position. I have no way of knowing anything for sure, not until I see Julian again. And for the first time in weeks, I do want to see him.
Heading toward his door, I square my shoulders, summoning every ounce of courage I possess to swallow my pride and admit I made a colossal mistake. I was the one who had the balls to admit my feelings to Julian in the first place. Now I have to be the bigger person and admit I was wrong about him, about both August and Julian.
I bring my hand up to the door, but before I have a chance to knock, it swings open. I still, momentarily taken by surprise before a familiar smile greets me warmly.
“Guinevere,” Camille sighs, holding out her arms and taking me in them, hugging me. “It is so good to see you.” She pulls back, not a hint of disapproval in her gaze as I’d expected to see. I’m more than aware of how close she is to Julian. I have no doubt he told her what happened. “Although I suspect you’re not here to see me.”
I laugh. “While I have missed you and your cooking, no. I’ve come to talk to Julian.”
“He’ll be so happy to learn you’re here. He’s been an absolute bore these past few weeks.” She smiles, then her expression falls flat. “But he’s not home.”
“He isn’t?”
“No. He left about an hour ago. He’s at a charity auction for the foundation Sonia’s sister started in her name.”
“Of course.” I chew on my lower lip, contemplating my next move. Now that I’ve had my big epiphany, I hate having to wait another second.
“It’s just over at the Four Seasons.”