"No secrets, right?" Evangeline said.
"Eva, enough." Brenon held up the key he'd once given me. "You left this here."
I took it from him. "Thanks."
Sweeping his arm toward the door, he inclined his head in a slight bow. "After you."
Goldie bounced on her feet, hands clasped together under her chin as if in prayer. She gave me a little nod. Gia lifted her eyebrows, then tilted her head toward the door. The silent encouragement gave me the confidence I needed to walk toward the library, Brenon right behind me. It would be the first time the two of us had been alone since the night I wore that red dress.
Heat rose in my chest as I recalled the pressure of his body against mine in the small room he pulled me into. My lips tingled as if anticipating another kiss. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I wasn't here to play out romantic fantasies. I was here to find a way to put an end to Terra so I could stop running for my life.
Surprised that I found my way to the library without reminder, I paused in front of the door. Brenon's arm brushed against my back as he moved closer to the door. Hands shaking, I dropped the key.
Brenon picked it up and held it out for me. As I reached for it, our hands touched, sending a shock wave through my arm. My breath hitched and I quickly turned back to the door, hoping he hadn't noticed. I shouldn't be feeling this way, I should be mad at him, right? I was so confused.
Once inside the room, I settled into one of the chairs and Brenon sat in the chair across from me. "I'm glad Gia was able to keep you safe."
"Thank you for looking out for me." I shifted my position on the chair. "Do you really have people watching Ryder?"
"I sent people to watch after him as soon as you arrived to fulfill your original contract. I told you, if you repaid his debt, he would be safe."
"But you tore up the contract," I said.
"I didn't have them keep watch over him because of the contract. They're there because he's important to you and you're important to me." Brenon leaned over, resting his forearms on his knees. "Ara, I know I wasn't honest about why I wanted you to travel with the Circus in the first place, but I never lied about my feelings for you."
A lump rose in my throat and I hugged my knees to my chest. This was harder than I thought it would be. The feelings I had for Brenon had never eased. If anything, seeing him again, finding out what he did for Ryder, intensified things. Which only made it more confusing. How could I trust him?
"We don't have to talk about it right now. Or ever, if you don't want." He leaned back in the chair and ran a hand through his tousled dark hair.
He looked so defeated, part of me wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him. And I wanted to run my hands through that hair. I closed my eyes for a moment. Focus.
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.
Opening my eyes, I let go of my knees and looked up at him. "I found out that I can open the gates. Like Terra said I could. But it was never about me being from the same Sayge line as the Sayge who cursed you. It's because I'm half-fae and half-sayge." The words felt like they were stuck in my throat. I'd meant to say who my father was, but I couldn't get them out.
Brenon was quiet as he studied my face. "You're not High-Fae, are you? There's a magic to you that I couldn't sense before. Something different."
This was it. The part I didn't want to tell him. Was he going to look at me differently when he found out? I took a deep breath. "Tristan's my father."
Chapter 11
"Did he know?" Brenon asked.
I shook my head. "Terra did. He was pissed to find out she was hiding it. That's what they were fighting about. He helped me get away."
"Well, at least we know you can't break the curse." His smile faded.
"Is that what you want? The others seem to want to stay cursed. Do you?" I leaned over, resting my elbows on my knees. My heartbeat picked up. If he wanted to break the curse, it would have to be with a different girl. Even if I wanted to volunteer, I couldn't.
"Eventually," he said. "But we can't afford to do it while Terra's so strong. We don't know if we'd get all of our magic back, or if we'd have to strengthen it again. If we can't fight her off, she could steal all of our magic and use that to open the gates. It's too risky."
"So we need to find a way to defeat Terra. How?"
"That's always been the question. Evangeline and I had a theory that a strong enough Sayge could help bring her down. Since you were from the same family line that cast the original curse, we hoped there was a way to leverage that." He winced, then looked away from me.
"What if we get help?" I asked.
Brenon looked back up at me, eyebrows raised.
"I spent a day with the Sayges. My aunt seems to be someone of importance for them. And they hate you," I said.
"The Sayges have hated us since the days of the curse. Why would they help us?"
"Because once Terra is gone, I'll help you open the gate. Then the Circus can go home, and the Sayges won't have any Fae left here to hate." A twinge of sadness rang through me at my words. I hated the idea of having to say goodbye to Brenon. But I knew he must want to go home. And it seemed like the only way we might be able to get the help we needed to defeat Terra.
"You'd do that for us?" Brenon reached a hand out and rested it on my knee.
A chill ran up my spine, and I wondered if I'd ever get used to the feel of his touch. "Of course I would. Just because your friends tried to kill me doesn't mean I wouldn't help them."
"You have no idea how much this will mean to everyone." He stood and offered his hand to me.
Afraid of having another full-body reaction to his touch, I ignored it and stood up without his aid. Even if I was re-evaluating my feelings for Brenon, there was no reason to get attached if he was just going to be leaving my life forever. This needed to feel less personal. Less about Brenon and my feelings for him. "You know this helps me, too. With Terra gone and the Circus gone, I get to go back to normal."
He lowered his hand and nodded. "You're right. We should get started right away. I wouldn't want you to have to stay here longer than necessary."
Brenon walked to the door and left the room, not pausing to wait for me this time. A pang of guilt tugged my heart down to the pit of my stomach. Despite everything, I didn't like seeing Brenon this way, but it was for the best. Neither of us should be getting attached. If I'd learned anything about relationships, it was that they made you do things you might not do in ordinary circumstances. I didn't need him clouding my judgment as we prepared to battle a powerful Fae Queen.
I ran my hands through my hair and tried to make myself believe that I had no more feelings for the cursed Fae Ringmaster. Squaring my shoulders, I walked toward the door. The sooner we could get them back where they belonged, the better.