The morning sun sparkles across the lake. I haven’t been here since I tricked Liam—who is to be my best man at the wedding—and his ex-girlfriend (now wife) by bringing them here and leaving them to walk five long miles home in the hopes that they’d finally open up to each other. I feel like I’m trying to reach out and capture some of that magic, hoping it could help me and Sophie.
I spread a blanket over the grass, and Sophie lays out Charlie’s toys and the snacks we picked up from Whole Foods.
Charlie goes running down to the water’s edge and screams when her toes dip into the chilly water, making Sophie laugh.
“How many more would you want to have?” I ask, leaning back on my arms.
“More of what?” She squints in my direction.
“Kids, of course,” I answer.
“Oh … I um … never thought of it,” she says.
“I bet Charlie would love a little sister,” I muse. I could see her playing dollies with her, the two of them running around like little princesses.
“I don’t know if …” Sophie’s words seem to stick in her throat.
“If what?” I push.
“Maybe Charlie is enough?” She doesn’t sound like she’s convinced herself.
“You’re an amazing mom, and she’d love to be a big sister!”
“It would give her someone to boss around,” she admits.
“So how many? Three? Four?”
When she doesn’t answer I keep going. “Five? Hell, six is fine with me—I hope they all look like you.”
“Six children?” she chokes.
Now I’m playing. “Seven? Wow, eight?! Sounds good to me, woman—I’d love to make babies with you.”
She looks even sadder as she gazes out at Charlie and swallows so hard I can hear it.
“Jesus Christ, Sophie! You’re killing me!”
“I’m not trying to,” she barks back.
“What is going on in that beautiful mind?” I stroke her hand and tickle up her arm with my fingertips.
“Nothing that’s very beautiful.” She goes quiet, rubs her temples and says, barely audibly, “What if you don’t love her as much as you love your own?”
“My own?” Her question throws me over the fence and out of the park. “Sophie, this love I have for the two of you isn’t going to be altered or dialed down, it’s going to spread. My parents say love is limitless, that’s why they can have all of these kids and love each of them with the same ardency.”
“I don’t know, Josh, it happens to even the best of men.”
“Well if that bullshit does happen, I can tell you now, they’re not the best of men,” I spit out.
“How can you be sure?” Her eyes plead with mine, searching for answers to the future as if she were studying a crystal ball.
“Because I know myself, Sophie. You know me too,” I remind her.
Abruptly, she shouts, “Not so far out, Charlie!”
Charlie is getting braver in the water and has waded in almost up to her waist.
She comes back to shallower waters.
“I need to use the bathroom. You’ve got her?” Sophie asks me, as if she has to. That is almost immediately insulting.
“Yeah, I got her.” I’ve had her—and you—for almost a year.
Sophie gets up and walks toward the park’s facilities. Meanwhile, I watch Charlie splashing at the water’s edge. A smile spreads over my face as I remember the first time she called me Daddy. We were hanging out in the children’s section of the library and Charlie had picked up almost twenty books to bring home. Her favorites are by the author Mercer Meyer, with funny storylines and a beaver family as the main characters.
“What’s this one?” Charlie asked holding up one of the books.
“How about we pick a different one?” Sophie said, trying to divert her attention.
“No! I want this one.” She stomped her foot.
Sophie looked to me then sighed deeply. That’s when I noticed the title—Just Me and My Dad.
“All right, I’ll read it, but you have to find one more, and those two we’re only going to read here, we won’t bring them home.”
“But you’re supposed to bring them home,” she demanded.
“Not these two,” Sophie said as she picked up a book in the same series entitled Just Me and My Mom.
The three of us got comfortable on the library’s couch, and Sophie and I took turns reading every other page. Halfway through the dad book, Charlie’s eyes lit up like it was the fourth of July.
“Joshy is MY daddy!” she sing-songed happily. “My Joshy-Daddy.”
After she said it she wrapped her soft little arms around me and squeezed me in the most loving, accepting hug I’d ever felt.
I beamed proudly.
Sophie on the other hand … her expression became so conflicted.
“We’re already engaged!” I reminded her once we were back home. “I swear, I’m not going anywhere.”