Jay grimaced, but still smiled. “Good because I was hoping you’d be gentler than that since it’s my first time and all.” Jay suddenly looked nervous, but his open, vulnerable expression was steadfast. “I don’t wanna just seal it with a kiss. This is important. I want you to make love to me.”
“Yeah?” Landon’s voice faltered, the gravity of what Jay offered hitting him right in the chest, making butterflies burst in his stomach. The moment felt heavy, important. Perfect. Jay nodded once, then kissed the corner of Landon’s mouth and whispered, “Yeah.”
Landon took Jay’s hand, took a deep breath, and led him up the stairs and to the bedroom.
Chapter 19
Once upon a time, Jay thought maybe he’d feel less manly, or perhaps more gay, if he lay with a man like this. Yes, now that he thought back on it honestly, he could recognize those moments in which he’d thought he might like being taken care of in bed. Those moments had been pushed back, chalked up to being random, fleeting thoughts every man gets in life where he thinks about some sexual taboo to get his dick twitching.
Now though, with Landon having already stripped him slowly and having kissed him over every inch, Jay’s body buzzed, and it was singing with a need he didn’t know he’d had. To be touched, to let go, was a scary-as-hell thing for a split second, but since he surrendered to Landon’s hands and lips and tongue, Jay almost wept at how deeply he felt. His heart pounded and his stomach clenched in pleasure as he gasped for breath. Jay felt like he’d come apart and Landon was slowly pulling him open.
Then Landon looked up at him with a gentle, loving grin and kissed Jay’s bare chest while he continued stroking Jay’s cock with one hand, and asked “You’re sure?”
Part of Jay wanted to say no, fuck no. A million moments in their relationship had changed and rearranged Jay’s life. Even if he never did this particular act again, he felt it’d be as life changing as the first time Landon had blown him, or the first time he’d taken Landon in his mouth, or the first time he’d fucked Landon.
A twinge of guilt had Jay placing a shaking hand on Landon’s face, palm to cheek. “Landon, I don’t think less of you because I’ve done this to you. The topping bit.”
Landon’s confused expression had Jay pulling him up for a heady kiss, then he finished his thought. “Sorry, me and my talking again. I guess, I just feel like this is big. You know?” Landon’s smirk made Jay roll his eyes in a way that’d make his kids proud. Not the time to think about them. “I just mean this, us doing this for the first time… I feel like it’s going to make me different.”
Landon’s brow furrowed in concern. “Jay, we don’t have to do this.”
“No!” Jay shout out, louder than he’d intended. He placed both hands on Landon’s face, opened his legs wider, and wrapped his calves around Landon’s thighs. And surpisingly, it felt right holding Landon like that, having him there.
“I didn’t mean that, Landon. I just meant… I’ll be different, but not in a bad way. But, for a while maybe, I did worry it would make me less. And I want to apologize because I didn’t really think of you as less. It just made you more…” Jay felt like a jerk. He was fucking this up and he really didn’t mean it how the words may have sounded.
But Landon, bless him, smiled and chuckled lightly before pecking a kiss to Jay’s lips. “I get it. You thought it made sense because I’m gay. And it made you more gay.”
Jay shrugged and felt his cheeks heat up. Landon hugged him tightly. “Jay, being with a man and wanting a relationship with a man made you not-so-straight. This is just another way to be together. It’s not important that we do this. But I do love you so much for wanting to do it, to give me this.”
“Thank you. And I do. I do want so much to give you this. That’s why I even started with all this crazy talk.”
Landon’s expression grew naughty, but his gaze still held so much love, Jay’s heart felt full to bursting. Landon ground his hard, naked cock into Jay’s. Jay hissed in pleasure. “Anyone ever tell you you think too much?”