I panicked. My heart was beating out of my chest. My palms were sweating. Why is he walking toward me and looking at me like that? I backed into the bookshelves. Ryder stopped in front of me. He placed his hands on the shelves on either side of my head and caged me in. I was trapped.
“Want to know what a real kiss feels like?” he whispered, letting his lips touch my ear lightly. I shivered and closed my eyes. No, I did not want to know what it felt like. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed. He didn’t budge from my efforts, but he did step back, chuckling.
“Relax, Bailey. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But you’re going to have to get used to me being close if you want Chace to believe this thing.”
He was right, of course. No one was going to believe we were in a relationship if I freaked out every time Ryder went near me. Luckily, we had a few days to work on it before school went back.
Chapter Six
I was scared. So very scared. Terrified, even. My stomach felt like it was twisted into knots, and I was on the verge of throwing up all day.
It was the day before school returned, and I didn’t want to go because it would mean facing them. I had managed to avoid them for most of the summer since they were away for half of it, and I had been holed up in the bookstore getting comfortable with Ryder for the last few days.
I couldn’t even bring myself to say their names for fear of breaking down. I had been doing great over the last week, mainly because of Ryder. When I didn’t have to see them, I could ignore the pain. It was easy to forget the humiliation and the betrayal, but that was about to change. I was getting myself ready for my first day back.
I could no longer hide behind my books or spend hours punching my anger out at the gym. I had to go to school and face everything and everyone I’d been trying so hard to avoid. I would walk in there as the new me. The real me…with a fake boyfriend and a fake smile masking my hurt. I would show them I didn’t need them and they hadn’t broken me. I would be happy and carefree and enjoy myself.
I hoped.
My phone buzzed on the side table as I was searching through all the new clothes in my closet for something to wear.
Ryder: Pick u up in the a.m., B.
My stomach dropped at the sight of the B, and I felt cold. That was the name Chace would always try to call me. I hated it when we were together, and I still hated it after we’d broken up. How had I not mentioned it to Ryder before, after we spent every day of the last week together?
Okay, not a lot of it was spent talking because we were reading most of the time. It was weird how easily Ryder and I got along. Most days when I was working, he’d happily come and sit with the Romanovs or read quietly on the sofa. Then, when I finished my work or if it was slow, I’d join him. We didn’t need to fill the silence with useless chatter, and it was never uncomfortable. It was nice.
Me: Ok. Don’t call me B. I hate it.
I winced as I typed the “B” and hoped that would be the end of the conversation. It wasn’t.
Ryder: Y? I need a nickname 4 u. It’s what happens in relationships, right?
I laughed at him having to question what happened in relationships, like I knew any better than he did. My last one was my first, and it didn’t end well.
Me: Yes, I guess so. But not B. I just don’t like it. He used to try and call me B, but I wouldn’t let him and he hated it.
I tried to explain to Ryder why I hated B even more now, but I wasn’t sure it made much sense. He liked pet names and would try B out every now and then to see if I’d come around to liking it. I didn’t. I’d ignore him and he’d get mad, but eventually he stopped calling me that.
Ryder: Sorry, B. ;) Suck it up. I’m still calling u that. Imagine how pissed he’s gonna b when u let me use his nickname and like it.
I could imagine the devious grin on Ryder’s face as he typed that response.
Ryder clearly had no problems ignoring my request or feelings. I groaned, knowing he was right. It would drive Chace crazy to hear Ryder call me B, but I still didn’t like it. I knew I was making a big deal out of it, but it wasn’t my name. If my mother wanted to call me B, that’s what would be on my birth certificate, not Bailey. Maybe we could compromise.
Me: Grrrr, you win, only when he’s around though, then it’s Bailey.
I agreed begrudgingly.
Ryder: I can live with that. C u 2moro. We will make a big entrance. ;)
An entrance? Oh no! I didn’t want attention, but if we were making a big entrance, we would certainly gain the attention of the entire school. Ryder always had the attention of the whole school. There would be enough focus on us as a couple as it was. We didn’t need to draw any more attention to ourselves. Why did I agree to a fake relationship with Ryder? Oh yeah, to get payback for my broken heart. It had better be worth it because I was already beginning to regret it.
I finished picking out my outfit for the next day and set my alarm for the morning, needing to get up a little bit earlier to wash and style my hair. Calling out good night to my mother, I slipped my pyjamas on and climbed into bed. I pulled my psychedelic printed comforter up to my chin and buried my face in my pillows.
It turned out that my style was a little more random and bright like my mother’s, along with being a little edgy and cool. My room no longer looked like a Harvard dorm room but now fit in with the rest of the house and my mother’s unique taste.
I was awake in the morning before my alarm went off, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach at the thought of the day ahead. Quickly climbing out of bed, I made my way into the bathroom to shower, the hot water relaxing the muscles and easing the tension in my neck immediately. I spent time drying and lightly curling my hair so it sat in long waves down my back. I kept my makeup simple but lined my eyes with kohl to make the brown pop. I wanted to look as different from Christina as possible.
Sliding on a blue maxi dress and sandals, I was almost ready to go when I heard a car horn outside. I stuck my hand out the window, signalling to Ryder to give me two minutes. I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs. My mother stopped me on the way out the door with an apple in her hand, eyeing my outfit.
“Isn’t that a bit casual for school?” She raised her eyebrow at me, but I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Compared to what I used to wear, yes, it was very casual. And I liked it.
“No, it’s fine. You know I updated my wardrobe, and I feel more comfortable in this than pleated skirts and polo shirts.”
“Who’s outside?” she asked, completely ignoring my reply and handing me the apple.
“Uhm, just a friend from school. Ryder.” I fiddled with the straps on my bag nervously. I hadn’t mentioned Ryder or our fake relationship to her all summer. Not because I was embarrassed or ashamed, but because I didn’t know how to explain to her that I was fake dating the school’s player in a pathetic attempt to get back at Chace.
“I’ve never heard of him. I thought you were avoiding your friends.”