A World of New (A Shade of Vampire, #26)

I brushed against my eyes. “Bastien,” I began. “He doubts me… He thinks what happened could be all my fault.” If Brucella has managed to sink her claws into him deep enough, I thought bitterly. “I didn’t get time to explain.” And now I don’t know if I will ever get time. I was praying that he would remember that my parents had stopped by his cousin’s, and that he would suspect that Detrius was the culprit in all of this. But I did not know how much Bastien really knew about hunter technology. He had been brought up in a world of swords, spears, bows and arrows. Would the idea of a tracker even enter his mind? The Blackhalls’ lair still looked medieval. There were no external signs of the hunters’ influence there yet.

My mother kissed the back of my hand. “He seems to be a resilient young man. If anybody has a chance of surviving, I’m sure it’s him.”

How could I explain to my mother? Physically Bastien was strong and powerful. Brutally so. But inside… he was soft. He was in a vulnerable place in his life. I had been a lifeline to him in the aftermath of his family’s slaughter. And the thought of him believing that I could have betrayed him, played on his emotions at a time when he was most weak, cut me to the core.

I had spent enough time around the Northstones to see that they were no family to him. Now he would be all alone, assuming he was even still alive. Even if he had somehow managed to flee from the hunters, what would become of his life? If he and the Northstones survived, would he eventually succumb to Brucella and marry his cousin, whom he did not love in the slightest? Would he just settle down into the path of least resistance? Would that spark, that fire I’d so admired in him, fizzle out?

The thought was deeply upsetting. Almost as much as the thought of never seeing him again.

I swallowed hard. “Mom, Bastien and I kissed. When we went to check on the portal. And I… I think I’ve fallen in love with him.”

My mother’s eyes widened, although there was no judgment there that I could detect, just surprise. I wondered what was really going through her head, though. I had known Bastien, what, less than a week? Perhaps she was thinking that this was just a whirlwind romance. That I’d gotten attached to him due to the traumatic situation I’d been in and the kindness he’d shown me. That I had fallen for him just because he had been there for me at a time when I’d had no one.

And the same was true for him. He had already admitted to me that I had helped him at the darkest time of his life. He had been going through his own trauma and to him, I had been that hand to hold, that shoulder to lean against, as he had been to me.

Perhaps this really was nothing more than a whirlwind romance spurred on by trauma and isolation.

Perhaps if we’d had a chance to spend more time together and get to know each other better, the feelings would’ve faded. We may have realized that we weren’t meant for each other.

But all these thoughts and hypotheses did little to quell the burning in my chest now. The longing to feel his arms around me. To taste his lips once again. To have even just a brief meeting, where I could tell him what had really happened.

“I have to find him again,” I told my mother, my voice deep with resolution. “I just have to get closure.”

She nodded slightly in understanding even as she chewed on her lower lip. Of course she would not want me going anywhere near that realm again as a human. Technically, I had no excuse to return because when the League traveled back—and they would most certainly go back—they would not bring any vehicle with them. My excuse for joining the League in the first place had been to assist Kyle in manning vehicles.

But I could not be expected to need an excuse to see Bastien. It was something I just needed to do. If I did not get closure with him, I might live with regret for the rest of my life.

“I understand, Vicky.” My mother spoke finally. “I do understand. You’re nineteen now. I’m not going to tell you what you can and cannot do, and neither will your father. Though I can tell you my preference for dealing with this, and what I’m sure your father’s preference is.”

I already knew what she was about to suggest.

“Let us return, do all that we can to find him, and give the message to him,” she went on. “If he is at all capable, we will ask him to return to The Shade for a brief visit to see you, and you can talk alone. One of our witches can transport him back. But honey, you returning to that realm isn’t something he would want for you, if he truly loves you. He would want you to be safe.”

It was a hard pill to swallow. But I had not completely lost my mind. Of course it made no logical sense for me to go back there when I would only be a burden to the League and a constant worry to my parents. I had worried them enough recently. And it wasn’t like they would be able to find Bastien any faster or more efficiently with me present. If they managed to find him and he was alive, my main worry was whether he would even listen to them. Though I was sure that if he just heard the truth about what had happened with Detrius, it would all make sense to him. He would remember the earnestness in my eyes as I had pleaded my innocence before Ben had swept me away. He just needed assistance in connecting the dots.