“GW,” I said.
“I told you never to call me that,” the Great White rumbled, trees crashing down as he landed upon them. “It’s demeaning, and I will not stand for it.”
“I will not stand for it,” I mocked under my breath.
Caleb’s eyes bulged.
“You guys all suck,” I told the dragons of Verania. “We practiced this entrance. For weeks. The least you could do is all roar in unison so we can salvage this atrocity.”
“Meow,” Leslie said, lips twitching.
“I hate you guys so fucking much.”
“Hey!” Kevin said. “What about me?”
“Don’t even get me started on—”
“Dragons,” GW growled. “Roar.”
Kevin’s eyes shifted black. Leslie’s and Pat’s turned blue. Zero’s burned red. GW’s went opaque.
And I felt each of them pulsing in my head.
They roared then.
“Yessss,” I hissed. “This. Is. Awesome.”
As the sound echoed through the forest, I crouched down in front of Caleb. “I’ve dreamed of this moment for almost a year,” I told him quietly. “For the part you played. You. Me. Face-to-face. I could use Brant’s sword. Push it through your chest. Make you feel every inch of it. And maybe I will. Someday. But first I need you to deliver a message. Can you do that?”
He nodded slowly.
“Good. Here it is: I have returned. And I will take Verania back for its people. You tell Myrin… you tell him that I will come for him. That I will come for all of you. I have accepted my destiny, much like he has accepted his. These paths we’re on—even if they were set in stone, he would do well to remember that stone crumbles. He has taken from me. And I aim to take everything from him. Now go. Before I change my mind.”
I arched an eyebrow, and the tree limbs and roots unfurled from his body. He scrambled to his feet, taking a step back, bumping into Kevin’s leg. Kevin craned his neck down until he was face-to-face with Caleb, spikes on the back of his neck rattling. “Are you sure I can’t eat him?” Kevin growled. “Like mother, like son.”
Caleb’s face paled.
“Wow,” I breathed. “That was hard-core. I approve. Of what you said, not the eating thing.”
“But someday?”
“Possibly. Maybe I’ll help too.”
“Ooh, cannibalism. I can dig it. You hear that, traitor? My boy is gonna eat your toes.”
Caleb took off running into the woods.
“That went well,” I announced as soon as his footsteps had fallen away. “I do have some notes, as I indicated previously. Dragons, you all suck. It’s like you remembered absolutely nothing about what we practiced. I’m embarrassed by all of you. I’m giving every consideration to firing all of you.”
They all began to protest immediately. Well, all except for GW. He looked like he wished we had all never existed.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, waving their complaints away. “Maybe if you had learned your lines. And Katya!” I turned toward the people standing behind me. Both had removed their masks, and I could see the resemblance now. They had fiery red hair, Brant’s cut short and Katya’s pulled back into a loose ponytail. Their faces were an explosion of endearing freckles. And both were extraordinarily pale, eyes wide, as if they’d seen a ghost. Which was ridiculous, of course, because ghosts didn’t exist. “Have you ever thought about being an actress?”
She shook her head slowly.
“Good. Because you were terrible. My gods, woman. Your calling isn’t in the theater, let me tell—oomph!”
She launched herself at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, her makeshift armor digging into my chest.
“Oh man,” I breathed. “I love hugging. Lady-dude, you are on my epic list. Aside from the acting thing.”
And so I hugged her back, because that was what one did.
“You’re here,” she whispered, voice trembling. “You’re real, and you’re here.”
“This is true,” I agreed, absurdly touched by this girl I’d never met. It was strange, hugging another person again after so long. Dragons weren’t as cuddly as one might think, no matter how much Kevin tried. “I’m real.”
She pulled back carefully, searching my face. “They’re not going to believe this back at Camp HaveHeart.”
“I’m sure they won’t—wait. Back at where?”
Her smile was wide and beautiful. “The base camp. For the Resistance, led by Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart, Grand Prince Justin of Verania, and their second-in-command, Lady Tina DeSilva of the Foxy Lady Brigade.”
I was pretty sure my brain broke.
Chapter 2: The Lament of Sam of Dragons
“GODSDAMN DIMITRI,” I muttered as we made our way through the Dark Woods. “Godsdamn Dimitri and his not telling me about Resistances or HaveHeart camps or Foxy Lady Brigades. And godsdamn him straight to the underworld for saying nothing about Lady Tina DeSilva. I will have her head on my—”
“What is he growling about?” Katya whispered to Kevin.
“I don’t care,” Kevin whispered back. “I’ve had to hear his angst for the past eleven months. I’m sort of over it. I’m actually not even listening to him right now. Your brother is hot.”
Brant blushed furiously as Katya groaned.
“Rude,” I said. “Also, do you need to be reminded of what I’ve had to listen to for the past eleven months? You were the reason GW made me put on the sexual harassment seminar.”
“I am sexually adventurous—”
“Aggressive.”
“—and it’s not my fault you were the only thing within any distance that I could try and get up on. We were with a child, two lesbians, and an old fart. What else was I supposed to do, since you forced me to go with you?”
“That is not what happened!”
“Sam bewitched me to follow him into the forest,” Kevin told Katya and Brant. “I wanted to stay with my horde and my unicorn, but noooo. Sam here made me leave with him to the land of celibacy. Do you know how backed up I am right now? I could probably impregnate a rock.”
“Oh my goodness,” Katya breathed. “That was more information than I required.”
“You better not impregnate my sister,” Brant said seriously, hand on his sword. “Or me.”
Kevin’s lip curled in disgust. “Don’t be crude. I would never. There is only one creature worthy of carrying my children, and his name is Gary.”
“Gary can’t carry your children,” I reminded him, feeling ill that such words were even coming out of my mouth. “You’re both dudes. He doesn’t have a uterus.”
“Since you’re such an expert at Gary’s insides and all. I told you, pretty, all you had to do was ask, and we’d include you in our—”
“Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I’m gonna stop you right there. You are terrible, and we have other things to focus on. Such as Lady Tina DeSilva and how we’re going to eviscerate her.”
“Are you sure this is Sam of Wilds?” Brant asked his sister. “Because I thought he’d be more… not this.”
“I’m completely sure,” Katya said. She glanced at me. “Okay, a little sure.”
“Hey! I’m not Sam of Wilds anymore. I’m a full-fledged wizard now. Sam of Dragons for the win!”
“They grow up so fast,” Kevin said, smiling down at me.
We were following Katya and Brant through the Dark Woods, supposedly to this Camp HaveHeart. I didn’t trust them, not fully (and how could I after the Lady Tina thing? That was just ridiculous), but I figured it was as good a place to start as any. I wasn’t too worried about them betraying us. If they turned out to be villains, I would make their insides go on their outsides, and that would be that.