A Missing Heart

“I like to get everything done with at once. You know that,” I say, trying to laugh, even though it hurts to do so.

“You have quite a girl out there, you know?” Mom says. “That Cammy never ceases to amaze me. She’s amazing with Gavin and Ever.” Mom’s words keep flowing but my head is in the clouds, likely for more than one reason, and it’s a lot to take in all at once. “My God, I’ve gotten to know that little girl of yours over the last few days and she’s spectacular. So smart and beautiful inside and out. This week has brought us all together so closely, and now we have you back and it’s just perfect.”

“I’m feeling a little tired,” I tell them.

“You were just asleep for a whole damn week, son,” Dad says. “What do you have to be tired about?” He laughs a little, then grabs a nurse as she’s walking by. “Hi, uh, is it safe for him to go back to sleep at this point?”

“We’re going to be running some more tests in just a moment. I’m afraid he won’t have the chance to sleep until we have all the results,” she says.

For some reason, I was under the impression that everything was okay now that I’m awake. What tests and what outcomes are possible? Does Cammy know all of this?

“Oh,” Dad says. “I wasn’t aware there were more tests.”

“Standard procedure,” the nurse says with a tight-lipped smile. “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll have him back here in a jiffy.”

The nurse clears everyone out of the room, and it’s the last thing I want. My mind has been blank for the past several days, but I feel it in my heart that I missed them. With every piece of comprehension accumulating, my nerves are fraying one by one throughout my body. Slight pains, discomfort, aches, and fear—it’s all there, bubbling in my gut, making me hyper aware that everything is fully functioning to the best of my knowledge right now.

“We want to do another scan of your brain, as well some blood work, AJ. I would expect to stay put for another few days here, but I’m guessing you’ll be up and about in no time,” the nurse says.

“Okay,” I tell her.

The process of the head scan and blood work feels like a haze while I listen to medical jargon float above my head, making little sense. It feels like hours have passed by the time I arrive back in my room.

I was told a physical therapist would be in shortly to help me up and get me moving around a bit, and they said I’d be sore and crampy from lying still so long, but a week isn’t much to be overly worried about.

Cammy, Ever, and Gavin have returned and are making themselves comfortable on the guest chairs next to me. “I brought you some clothes,” Cammy says, placing a small duffel bag down at the edge of the bed. “I thought you might feel more like yourself and a little more comfortable if you had them.”

I’m not sure I know how to respond to her kindness and thoughtfulness. With Tori, it was always me who put her on a pedestal. I thought that’s what a husband was supposed to do to keep a marriage healthy. Dad seemed to drill that into my head enough, but I’m also wondering if he was fearful of me ending up divorced for a second time before turning thirty. With my track record, I can’t blame him for that concern if he did have it. However, going through the motions of two failed marriages and now falling into something old, but new with Cammy, I’ve learned what’s crucial…it takes two to make something work. Tori never tried. I did. I know I did. Cammy, though, she tries so hard, and we’ve hardly considered ourselves anything more than the two stupid teenagers who were once in love and gave up a child together; yet, it seems clear that she’d go to the ends of the world for me, and I know without a doubt in my mind, I would do the same for her. She makes me want to jump through hoops of fire just to see her smile, but the best part is, she wouldn’t ask for something so ridiculous. It’s easy, and I think easy is the way it’s supposed to be.

“Do you know what it means to me, realizing how much you care?”

“I didn’t think twice about it, silly. You needed me and I’m here. What else even matters?” And that’s exactly it. It’s easy.

“Cam,” I groan, while trying to sit up a bit. “I want to do things right by you and Ever. I know we aren’t ready to jump into something huge right now, but I need to be with you, like all the time. I’m not sure I can handle the standard dating procedure. I feel like we need to skip a few steps, because we’ve been there and done that, right?” I groan through my movement. “I know how you feel about shortcuts, though.”

She leans forward and rests her forearms on the bed. “What are you saying, AJ?” The small smile on her face tells me she just wants to hear me say it all.

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