The Long Way Home

“Why?” asked Clara.

He smiled weakly, got up, and left. They could see him through the window of the diner, his hands shoved into his pockets, his collar turned up against the wind. He stood hunched, staring out at the water.

Clara clasped one hand tightly in the other under the table. How long would she have to wait? How long could she wait? She looked at the Bakelite clock on the diner wall. But while it told time, it wasn’t helpful. Clocks were meaningless here.

Time seemed measured in other terms. Here.

The clock said they’d been in the diner for three quarters of an hour, but Clara knew it was really an eternity.

*

“Why did you come here?” Gamache asked.

“To find the tenth muse?” asked Beauvoir.

“You know about that?” asked Peter, and when they said nothing he went on. “No. I came to tell Norman what a shit he was. When I visited Professor Massey at the art college, it all came back to me. I’d always regretted not telling Norman about the damage he’d done.”

“With the Salon des Refusés,” said Gamache.

“Yes. He’d hurt Clara, and I’d said nothing at the time. When I left Three Pines, I had no idea how she would feel about me when I returned. I suspected she’d want to end our marriage for good, and I couldn’t blame her. But I wanted to take her one special thing. A gift. I thought and thought about it, and realized what a coward I’d been all our lives. Never defending her or her art. Letting everyone criticize and belittle. And finally even doing it myself when I realized how brilliant she really was. I tried to ruin her art, Armand.”

He looked down at his hands, as though he had blood all over them. The hollow gaze of a sin-sick soul.

“When Professor Massey mentioned Norman, I remembered the Salon des Refusés and knew what I could give her,” said Peter, raising his eyes again. “My apology. But not just words. A deed. Even if I had to go to hell and back, I’d find Professor Norman, and confront him. Only then could I go home. And face her.”

“You’d bring her the head of Professor Norman,” said Gamache.

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

When Gamache continued to stare at him, Peter blanched.

“You don’t still think—” He waved toward the bed.

“Go on,” said Gamache, not taking his eyes off Peter.

“I went to Baie-Saint-Paul, where the files said Norman’s last check had been mailed, years ago. He wasn’t there, but it was so beautiful, and peaceful, and I’d been on the road for so long. So I rented a room and caught my breath. It was only then I remembered the paintings from my mother’s house. The ones I’d stared at for hours. Wishing myself into them. The Clarence Gagnons. They were done in Baie-Saint-Paul. So I found the Galerie Gagnon, and when I wasn’t painting I spent hours staring at them.”

“Why?” asked Beauvoir.

“Have you seen them?” Peter asked. Beauvoir nodded. “How did they make you feel?”

Jean-Guy answered without hesitation, “Homesick.”

Peter nodded. “They became like a window for me, back to Three Pines. Back to Clara and what I had. And what I’d lost. At first they made me indescribably sad. But then, the more I looked, the calmer I became. They gave me a sort of settled happiness. A hope.”

“The lips,” said Gamache.

Peter turned to him and smiled. “Yes. That’s when I painted the lips.”

“How’d you know No Man was here?” asked Beauvoir.

“Luc Vachon told me. He was still in contact with Professor Norman.”

“He’d belonged to the art colony Professor Norman created,” said Beauvoir.

Peter nodded. “But ‘create’ is probably the wrong word. It sorta grew up around him. People were drawn to him. Because he seemed to know.”

“Know what?” asked Beauvoir.

“That there was a tenth muse. And he knew how to find it,” said Peter. Then, unexpectedly, he laughed. A derisive, unpleasant sound.

“You think it’s bullshit,” said Beauvoir.

“I think I didn’t have to come all the way to the end of the earth to find it,” said Peter. “It was there all along. Beside me in bed. Sitting in the garden. It was in the studio next to mine. In the chair next to mine. I came here to find what I already had.”

“You came here to confront Professor Norman,” Gamache reminded him.

“True. When I arrived it was clear Norman was very sick. This was a couple of months ago. He was dying and alone.”

Now Peter took a step forward, crossing the threshold.

“Did you confront him?” asked Beauvoir.

“No. The place was a mess. So I thought I’d clean it up first. After that, I’d let him have it. But then I realized he hadn’t eaten in a while, so I bought some food and cooked it. I’m not much of a cook, but I made scrambled eggs and toast. Something nutritious and light.”

“Did you tell him after that?” asked Beauvoir.

“No. His clothes and bedding were filthy. So I took them to the Laundromat in Tabaquen and washed them.”