The Doll's House

The smell of the sea rose up through Kate’s nostrils, as a sharp breeze came in from the strand, spattering her face with misty rain. She turned her back to it, and faced O’Connor.

‘What now?’

‘We’ll tidy up here. All in all, things could have turned out a lot worse. It looks like Dominic Hamilton is going to pull through.’

‘And what about Clodagh McKay? Is she still inside?’

‘Yes. The medics are giving her something to calm her down.’

‘Can I talk to her?’

‘I don’t know, Kate.’

‘O’Connor, I’ll take it easy. You owe me.’

‘All right, but give it a little longer, until ERU are finished. Once I know everything’s settled, you can talk to her then.’

‘What about you, O’Connor? What next for you?’

He shrugged. ‘What has a guy to complain about, standing here by the sea, listening to the sound of the waves in such great company?’

‘I never took you for an old romantic.’

‘There are lots of things you don’t know about me, Kate.’

‘O’Connor?’

‘Yeah?’

‘The other night. I’m glad you told me about what happened. What I mean is, I’m glad you felt you could tell me.’

‘It’s immaterial now.’

‘Will you be talking to Butler?’

‘He’s next on my to-do list.’

‘I see. Well, if there’s …’

O’Connor spotted Maloney, who was beckoning to him from the front of the house. As he walked away, he turned back to Kate and said, almost as an afterthought, ‘Declan still away, is he?’

‘Declan won’t be coming back, O’Connor – at least, not to me.’

‘I’m sorry, Kate.’ A look of awkwardness on O’Connor’s face.

‘It’s all right. It’s not your concern.’

He gave her a reassuring smile. ‘I doubt that, Kate. You and me, we’ve been through a lot together.’

‘I guess we have.’

Kate waited while he talked to Maloney. It didn’t take him long to return.

‘Are you ready to talk to Clodagh McKay?’

‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’ With that, the two of them entered number 74 Strand Road.





Harcourt Street Police Station


O’Connor closed the door of Chief Superintendent Butler’s office behind him. Martin McKay wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. A heap of fraud and tax evasion charges were mounting by the hour. They’d get the bastard on something. But that was no longer his worry. Walking through the corridors of Harcourt Street station, the closer O’Connor got to the front entrance, the more he felt his past and his present give way to an unknown future.

He hadn’t been surprised by the suspension: it was standard – removal from active duties for an unlimited period, pending an internal investigation. But despite knowing this, he had been taken aback by how empty he felt inside. The force had been his whole life. Walking away from it was harder than even he had thought possible.

Out in the daylight, his survival instincts kicked in. He braced himself for the hard path ahead. He drew in a long, deep breath, feeling the cold air of the city hit his lungs, sharp, chilling, amid the noise of heavy traffic and throngs of people. All of which now felt alien to his stationary frame.

‘Sometimes you have to stop before you can move forward,’ Kate had said to him. Maybe she was right, but that would also require looking back. Not a thought he felt comfortable with. Nor was he looking forward to his empty flat, which he did his level best to get the hell out of most of the time. It held the remnants of what used to be.

If it was only the mess of the cover-up, a one-off bad judgement call, it wouldn’t have been so difficult, but O’Connor knew it was more than that. It went right back to the old demons he would now ultimately have to face: the reason he had let that boy off the hook in the first place. He had looked so much like Adam, his son, reminding O’Connor of what a lousy father he had been.

As he walked away from Harcourt Street station, and the life he had known for so long, the prospect of picking up those old pieces filled him with more trepidation than the emptiness.





Clodagh


Sometimes there can be calm after a storm, when your thoughts go to a melancholy place that is not unlike the garden Gerard Hayden brought me to, a safe oasis in the centre of the madness.

That is partly why I find myself back in my old bedroom at Seacrest; my adult body hunkered down as I stare into the small rooms of my old doll’s house. Part of me wants to shed tears, but it’s too soon for that. Yet another part of me wants to let go. Right now, I am content to be still.