Aubrey spoke slowly, enunciating every word. “I’m going home. You can go on living this pathetic little life, but I don’t want you anymore.”
“Is it my face? I can have more surgery, go back to how I looked before.”
She shook her head.
“You betrayed me, Josh. I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that all is well. I know this was hard on you—but Jesus, I’ve been grieving your death for five years. Five years. I’ve been through hell. I nearly died.”
“I know.”
She whipped her head toward him again.
“What do you mean, you know? You’ve been keeping tabs on me this whole time?”
“Yes. I risked a few trips back to see you. I couldn’t stand to be apart. I’ve been watching over you, darling. And it was almost like you could feel me, my presence. When I was there, you’d look around like you knew I was watching. You even saw me a few times. I was trying to let you know I was okay, but you’d go straight to Meghan, who told you how crazy you were and dragged you to that stupid therapist. Fucking Meghan, messing with your head all this time. I should kill her.”
Aubrey pulled in a breath. She couldn’t believe the words she’d just heard. Had he just admitted . . .
“All those times I thought I saw you—”
“You did. That was me.”
“Cruel,” she whispered. Something inside her started to break, an unbearable rift forming. “How could you be so cruel?”
“I thought you’d understand. I thought you loved me.”
“You used to be an honorable man, Josh. One who wanted to help people. One who wasn’t seduced by the trappings of wealth and privilege. That’s the man I loved. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
Loved. She heard the past tense and realized it was true.
“I can’t pretend this is all okay. You’ve been gone so long. I don’t want to live a life on the run. I want to settle down. To have a family. Remember all the things we used to want? The dreams we had together?”
He was begging, pleading. “We’ll have them now, Aubrey. It’s over. I can finally give you the world.”
“I don’t want the world. I want to know that I can trust you. And I can’t.”
He set his glass on the table. “Of course you can. I’m the only one you really can trust.”
She shook her head. “You always said that. I don’t think it’s true.”
“I don’t understand.”
She looked at him, let all the walls down, let all the hurt and anger and fury and loss crowd into her eyes.
“You do understand.”
“It’s Chase. You want to be with him instead of me.” His voice was tinged with frost.
She started to laugh. She didn’t find his statement humorous, far from it.
“You have it all wrong, Josh. Yes, I have feelings for Chase, but that’s not what this is about. You’ve betrayed me, in the worst possible way.”
Pain in his eyes, sharp and intense. “Don’t do this,” Josh pleaded. “Don’t do this to us. Not now. Not when I’ve made it all work.”
She saw Arlo enter the room, with several plainclothes cops.
She stood. “Josh, you did this to us. Not me. I was just along for the ride.”
He looked up at her. He had aged so much since he left. There was gray at his temples, lines on his face. Lines and gray they should have earned together, not apart.
“Aubrey, I still love you. Only you. You’ve been the love of my life since I was a boy. I don’t know how to do this without you.”
Without her. He’d done everything without her. Made life--altering decisions, turned into a criminal, disappeared.
“You managed for the last five years. Six, really, if you count all the lies you spun before you died.”
He was starting to panic. Gone was the smooth man, replaced by the little boy she’d grown to love, the one who’d fallen prey to his fears.
“Aubrey, we’re bound together. We always have been. We’re meant to be together. You waited for me, for Christ’s sake. How can you do this?”
“How can I do this?”
He was crying now. She couldn’t handle that. It thrust forth the memory of the day he found out his father wasn’t dead after all, but alive and well and fresh out of jail, and he’d just collapsed to the ground in the park, empty and broken, and cried. She couldn’t do this. She just couldn’t. The pressure was building, the words forming in her throat.
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t say it.
People were starting to watch them now, forks poised above plates, glasses held in midair. She saw Arlo and his men out of the corner of her eye, waiting. This was how it had to be. Josh had to pay for his crimes. That was the right thing. And she had to pay for hers.
She nodded at Arlo, and he approached the table.
When Josh saw his best friend, he froze in place. His face turned white, his eyes wild.
“Oh, Aubrey,” Josh whispered. “What have you done?”
What have I done? What have I done? He’s right. I did this. It was all my fault.