Gage studied me warily, as if I might bite him. He needn’t have worried. I was too stunned even to react when he reached across to help spread the lap blanket over me I had lifted from the seat.
I eyed him guardedly in return, wondering what his presence here meant, and whether I would like it. It had been over a week since I’d seen him last, at a dinner party. We’d exchanged greetings and polite small talk, but nothing more. I sat in my usual place at the edge of the drawing room while he charmed the assemblage. If I’d needed another reminder of all the reasons why we didn’t suit, that had done so quite effectively.
I rested my feet on the hot brick wrapped in cloth that had been laid on the floor of the carriage to keep me warm and waited for him to speak. He couldn’t keep me waiting much longer or otherwise the coach would reach the outskirts of Edinburgh before he finished speaking, and he would have a long walk home to his lodging rooms on Princes Street.
Unless he planned to accompany me. That thought made my heart leap in my chest. But then I shook it away as nonsense. He would return to London soon, recalled by his father or his own inclination.
Gage, who had long since settled back against the squabs to observe me, finally spoke what was on his mind, keeping his tone carefully neutral. “So you truly did intend to leave without telling me good-bye.” It was a statement, not a question.
His words pricked my temper and I scowled. “How could I, when I’ve barely seen you? After all, I can’t exactly call on you. I might be a bit unconventional, but I would never be so forward as that.”
“You could have written.”
I stared at him, trying to tell if he was hurt or simply making a point. “And you would have come?”
“Of course.” His reply was spoken with quiet certainty, as if he wasn’t surprised I’d asked, but he wanted to be sure I understood that I never need do so again. He leaned forward, his pale blue eyes gazing solemnly into mine. “Kiera, if you ever need me, I will come. You have only to ask.”
I didn’t point out that I hadn’t precisely needed him to come to me so that I could say good-bye. But then I realized: perhaps I had. Just to know he hadn’t completely abandoned me. That he still cared enough to stow away in my carriage and look at me in that way that had always made my insides melt. To show me that I hadn’t lost him, like I’d lost Will.
I didn’t understand why he’d distanced himself from me, but maybe he wasn’t the only one who’d been aloof and reserved. I couldn’t control the emotions churning inside of me, so I’d stifled them, all of them but my anger. Just like I’d done when I was married to Sir Anthony and I couldn’t bear the fear and hurt and disgust he’d caused me.
I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes and furiously blinked them away refusing to let them fall. I didn’t want to feel this hurt, this sadness. So I pushed it away, burying it down deep.
I took a deep breath and then nodded, telling Gage I understood.
He watched me a moment longer and then reached up to tap the head of his cane on the ceiling again. The coach immediately slowed.
“Take care of yourself, Kiera,” he murmured.
I nodded, feeling like I’d swallowed a bubble. “You, too.”
He reached out to open the door and rose to exit the carriage, but at the last moment changed his mind. Slamming the door shut again, he sat down on the seat next to me, and before I’d even realized his intent, he reached out to cradle my face in his hands and kissed me. For how long, I never seemed to be able to tell, but it was with sincerity and purpose, and when he pulled away, there was something in his eyes I’d never seen before. Something that made my heart stutter in my chest.
He was gone before I could put a name to it.
The carriage pulled forward again, gently rocking back and forth over the cobblestones while I sat there dazed and not unpleasantly befuddled.
Unlike our last good-bye, I knew I would see Gage again. Why he had distanced himself from me since the night of Will’s death I still didn’t understand, but I knew our paths would cross once more. That it would be so soon, and under such mysterious circumstances, I could never have guessed. Particularly when it involved a grave on the hallowed grounds of an ancient abbey. But if my experiences with Gage had taught me anything, it was to expect the unexpected, and this time I certainly learned my lesson.
HISTORICAL NOTE