Memories of Midnight

chapter Twenty-seven
Confidential File

Transcript of Session with Catherine Douglas

C: Do you believe in premonitions, Alan?

A: They're not scientifically accepted, but as a matter of fact, I do. Have you been having premonitions?

C: Yes. I - I have the feeling that something terrible is going to happen to me.

A: Is this part of your old dream?

C: No. I told you that Mr. Demiris sent some men in from Athens...

A: Yes.

C: He asked me to look after them, so I've been seeing quite a bit of them.

A: Do you feel threatened by them?

C: No. Not exactly. It's difficult to explain. They haven't done anything, and yet I - I keep expecting something to happen. Something awful. Does that make any sense to you?

A: Tell me about the men.

C: There's a Frenchman, Yves Renard. He insists that we go to museums, but when we get there, I can see that he's not interested. He asked me to take him to Stonehenge this Saturday. There's Jerry Haley. He's an American. He seems pleasant enough, but there's something disturbing about him. Then there's Dino Mattusi. He's supposed to be an executive with Mr. Demiris's company, but he asks a lot of questions that he should have the answers to. He invited me to go for a drive. I thought I would take Wim along...And that's something else.

A: Yes?

C: Wim has been acting strangely.

A: In what way?

C: When I come into the office in the morning, Wim is always waiting for me. He never used to. And when he sees me, it's almost as though he's angry that I'm there. None of this makes much sense, does it?

A: Everything makes sense once you have the key, Catherine. Have you had any more dreams?

C: I had a dream about Constantin Demiris. It's very vague.

A: Tell me what you remember of it.

C: I asked him why he was being so kind to me, why he gave me the job here and a place to live. And why he gave me the gold pin.

A: And, what did he say?

C: I don't remember. I woke up screaming.

Dr. Alan Hamilton studied the transcript carefully, looking for the unmarked trails of the subconscious, seeking a clue that would explain what was disturbing Catherine. He was reasonably certain that her apprehension was connected with the fact that strangers had arrived from Athens, and Athens was the scene of her traumatic past. The part about Wim puzzled Alan. Was Catherine imagining it? Or was Wim behaving in an atypical way? I'm due to see Wim in a few weeks, Alan thought. Perhaps I will move up his appointment.

Alan sat there thinking about Catherine. Although he made it a rule never to get involved emotionally with his patients, Catherine was someone special. She was beautiful and vulnerable and...What am I doing? I can't let myself think this way. I'll concentrate on something else. But his thoughts kept returning to her.

Catherine was unable to get Alan Hamilton out of her mind. Don't be a fool, Catherine told herself. He's a married man. All patients feel this way about their analysts. But nothing Catherine told herself helped. Maybe I should see an analyst about my analyst.

She was seeing Alan again in two days. Perhaps I should cancel the appointment, Catherine thought, before I get in any deeper. Too late.

On the morning she had the appointment with Alan, Catherine dressed very carefully and went to the beauty parlor. As long as I'm not going to see him again after today, Catherine reasoned, there's no harm in my looking nice.

The moment she walked into his office, her resolve melted. Why does he have to be so damned attractive? Why couldn't we have met before he got married? Why couldn't he have known me when I was a normal and sane human being? But, on the other hand, if I were a sane, normal human being, I wouldn't have gone to him in the first place, would I?

"I beg your pardon?"

Catherine realized she had spoken aloud. Now was the time to tell him that this was her last visit.

She took a deep breath. "Alan..." And her resolve broke. She looked over at the photograph on the coffee table. "How long have you been married?"

"Married?" He followed Catherine's glance. "Oh. That's my sister and her son."

Catherine felt a wave of joy sweep through her. "Oh, that's wonderful! I mean, she...she looks wonderful."

"Are you all right, Catherine?"

Kirk Reynolds had kept asking her that. I wasn't all right then, Catherine thought, but I am now. "I'm fine," Catherine said. "You're not married?"

"No."

Will you have dinner with me? Will you take me to bed? Will you marry me? If she said any of these things aloud he would really think she was crazy. Maybe I am.

He was watching her, frowning. "Catherine, I'm afraid we're not going to be able to go on with these sesssions. Today will be our last day."

Catherine's heart sank. "Why? Have I done something to...?"

"No, it...it isn't you. In a professional relationship of this kind, it's improper for a doctor to become emotionally involved with a patient."

She was staring at him now, her eyes glowing. "Are you saying that you're becoming emotionally involved with me?"

"Yes. And because of that I'm afraid..."

"You're absolutely right," Catherine said happily. "Let's talk about it tonight at dinner."

They dined at a little Italian restaurant in the heart of Soho. The food could have been great or terrible, it made no difference. They were totally absorbed in each other.

"It isn't fair, Alan," Catherine said. "You know everything about me. Tell me about yourself. Weren't you ever married?"

"No. I was engaged to be married."

"What happened?"

"It was during the war. We were living together in a small flat. It was during the days of the blitz. I was working at the hospital and when I came home one night..."

Catherine could hear the pain in his voice.

"...the building was gone. There was nothing left."

She put her hand over his. "I'm sorry."

"It took me a long time to get over it. I never met anyone else that I wanted to marry." And his eyes said, until now.

They sat there for four hours, talking about everything - the theater, medicine, the state of the world; but the real conversation was unspoken. It was the electricity building up between them. They could both feel it. There was a sexual tension between them that was overwhelming.

Finally, Alan brought up the subject. "Catherine, what I said this morning about the doctor-patient relationship..."

"Tell me about it at your flat."

They undressed together, quickly and eagerly, and as Catherine took off her clothes, she thought of how she had felt when she was with Kirk Reynolds and how different it was now. The difference is being in love, Catherine thought. I'm in love with this man.

She lay on the bed waiting for him, and when he came to her and put his arms around her, all the worries, all the fears of never being able to relate to a man, vanished. They stroked each other's bodies, exploring, first tenderly, then fiercely, until their need became wild and desperate, and they joined together and Catherine screamed aloud with sheer happiness. I'm whole again, she thought. Thank you!

They lay there, spent, and Catherine held Alan close in her arms, never wanting to let him go.

When she could speak again, she said in a shaky voice, "You certainly know how to treat a patient, doctor."