His words hit her like shards of glass. He obviously loved his wife. She hadn’t imagined that it would hit her so hard. Cathy forced out stiff words. “So what went wrong?”
He thrust his hands into his pockets. Tension suddenly radiated from his body. His voice flattened. “One day I came in from a business trip early. I was bored, restless, unable to sleep.”
Cathy discovered that her fingernails were cutting into her palms. Though she hated herself for it, she was still attuned to the nuances of his voice. The terse words were underlaid with such strong emotion that she suddenly realized whatever was inside his head would cost him dear to air. She couldn’t let him do that to himself. “Michael, you don’t have to tell me.”
He turned his head. His pale eyes were blazing. “You wanted to hear it, Catherine!”
She realized that he had come too far to retreat. She licked dry lips. “All right.”
Michael’s voice became steely. “There was a DVD left in the player. I clicked it on. It wasn’t a movie. My wife and her personal trainer had filmed themselves fucking each other. There was not just one encounter recorded, but several, dated over a series of months.” He paused, then shrugged. “She is still with him.”
Cathy was stunned. Thoughts and emotions tumbled through her, pity and compassion uppermost. So much about their own relationship was suddenly made clear to her. Their arrangement, built on impersonal boundaries that he had insisted on. After what his wife had done, he obviously couldn’t place trust in anyone. Then she had told him she loved him, and that’s when he had pulled the rabbit out of the hat. I have a wife.
Cathy’s gaze locked on his face.
“Don’t look at me like that, Winter!” He was suddenly breathing as hard as if he had been running. He swung around, starting swiftly for the door, obviously intent on getting out of the hospital room away from her.
Cold fury poured through her, lending strength to her battered body. She sat bolt upright and shouted at his back. “Don’t you dare run away, Michael! Be honest with yourself! And with me! You started to feel something for me, didn’t you? Didn’t you!”
He turned to face her, white-faced. He didn’t deny it.
“You tried sealing yourself off, but that didn’t work. You were still so wound up in your wife’s adultery that you refused to give us a chance! Damn you, Michael!”
Through the blur of her tears, she could make out his hazy form. He started toward her. She dashed the back of her hand across her eyes. She saw his outstretched hand. “No, don’t! Don’t touch me! I can’t take any more. Get out, Michael! Leave me alone! Please! Just go!”
Michael jerked as though he had been shot. His arm dropped to his side. He became very still as his eyes searched her face. Barely above a hoarse whisper, he asked, “Are you sure? Is that what you want?”
“You can’t trust me. You can’t trust yourself. That leaves us nowhere, Michael.” She closed her eyes and fell back against the pillows. She was deathly tired. “I’m tired.” Her body felt so cold. She wrapped her arms around herself.
There were several heartbeats of complete silence except for the harshness of his breathing and the ping of the heart monitor. Then she heard the soft footfalls approach. Cathy felt the unexpected warmth of Michael’s lips pressing against her forehead. That night after they had made out at the movie theater, just before he had told her goodnight, he had made the same tender gesture. She had thought it meant something.
She shrank away from his touch, pressing back into the pillows.
She didn’t open her eyes or speak, even when she heard his swift footsteps cross the hospital room. She would not call him back. She would not! Her throat burned with the grief that she held in. She listened for him to leave. The door opened then closed. Cathy clenched her jaw. Her hands balled into fists in the bedcovers. Tears streamed out from under her eyelids, but she wept in silence.