An Uncertain Choice

“Perhaps. But what if they knew about the exception? What if they fully expected Rosemarie to fall in love and get married before her eighteenth year? Did you ever consider that possibility?”


I started at the duke’s explanation. Was that why my parents had been so encouraging when I’d been attracted to Lord Caldwell? Although I’d tried to bury the memories, I could still clearly picture the last hunting party, where Thomas had helped me from my horse and had lingered close to me. At the time my parents had both looked on with encouragement and not with the rebuke I’d anticipated.

Had they been hoping I’d fall in love with Thomas and marry him?

Outside, the sun had disappeared behind a cloud and the clatter in the courtyard had faded. The other knights, squires, and servants had moved to the stables. The eerie stillness reflected an unsettled silence in my soul. Only hours ago, the course of my life had been so certain and safe. But now, with the appearance of my erstwhile friend, my life had been turned upside-down. And I didn’t like it in the least.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, the duke crossed to me and tucked a finger under my chin. He lifted my face so that I was again looking into his kind eyes. “I believe if your parents had known about the exception, they would have wanted you to have the chance to find a love like theirs.”

“You could be right, your Grace,” the abbot said. “But I also know that the earl and countess took the Ancient Vow very seriously. They assured me they would love and enjoy their daughter as long as they could have her, but they ultimately knew she belonged to God.”

That indeed sounded like something my parents would have said. Perhaps they had waited to tell me about the Vow, hoping to shield me from my future a little while longer.

The duke squeezed my shoulder before taking a step back as though letting me know he understood my confusion. “I propose we give Lady Rosemarie the next month to test for herself the right course for her life.”

“Test how?” I asked.

“You’ll allow my three noble knights to court you and attempt to win your hand. And if you don’t fall in love with one of them by your eighteenth birthday, then we shall take that as a sign from God that you’re destined for the convent.”

The abbot was silent but regarded me with concern. He’d witnessed my despondency in the days following the revelation of the Vow. He’d known how difficult it had been for me to truly accept the new course of my life. The compassion creasing his features told me that he didn’t want me to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again.

“How can she make the decision to enter cloistered life if she has not yet discovered if she is more suited for married life?” The duke’s eyes beseeched me to consider his request. “If she enters the convent, she shouldn’t do so by default. Rather she should do so out of a knowledgeable decision made after testing earthly love and finding it wanting compared to her desire for union with God.”

I nodded at the duke. “You’re wise, your Grace.”

“On the other hand, my child,” the abbot said gently, “do you really want to put yourself through such a challenge? After you’ve already prepared your heart and mind for the convent? Think about the possible heartache.”

What was I to do?

“Trust me, Lady Rosemarie,” came the soft whisper of the duke. “I have nothing to gain from offering you this month of courtship with my men, except your happiness.”

The abbot shook his head and began to speak, but I raised my hand to silence him. I couldn’t make a decision at that moment, not with so many considerations. I needed more time to sort through all the information and the confusion swirling through my soul.

“Please, Father Abbot. I have great respect for both you and my dear friend the duke. I know you both have my best interests at heart. And I thank you for it. But now . . . I must have some time to think about this important decision.”

“For the love of the sun, moon, and stars,” came the welcome voice of Trudy from the doorway of the Great Hall. Her cheeks were red, and a barely visible stain crept up her neck beneath her gorget — ?the wide bands of linen she wore around her neck and draped on her shoulders. I had no doubt my nursemaid had heard every word of our conversation. And now the dear servant waddled toward me on her short legs. “It’s past time to get Lady Rosemarie ready for the feast.”

All I wanted to do was race to my chambers, close the door, and block out all the confusion. But I managed a curtsey and smile, hoping to allay some of the tension radiating from their faces. “I shall think over the matter and deliver my decision at the banquet tonight.”

But as I allowed Trudy to lead me away, I didn’t know how I’d ever decide in such a short time. Not when my whole destiny, my very life, was the price I’d have to pay if I made the wrong choice.





Chapter

4