When Love's Gone Country

Chapter Thirty



Two days later, both Courtney and Jacob were packing up their belongings along with the rest of the group.

“I really wish you’d reconsider and stay for the rest of your vacation,” Frank said. “There was so much you didn’t get to see or do.”

“We appreciate that, Frank, really we do, but we need to be home,” Meg said.

“The least we can do is refund your money after all you’ve been through,” Emma said.

“We learned a lot,” Alex said. “I don’t think any of us feel like we need a refund. You keep it.”

“Maybe you can use it to run background checks on your employees,” Courtney said, rubbing Diego’s head and then kissing him. “Glad to see you’re getting your spunk back.”

Diego’s tale wagged frantically.

“Well, at least come visit some time,” Emma said. “We grew very fond of you.”

“We feel the same way,” Meg said, giving Emma a hug and then Frank. “I’ve got your e-mail and your phone numbers, so we’ll keep in touch.”

“Pure and I will be back for Charlie and Jessica’s wedding in October,” Alex said. “We may be able to talk everyone into coming back with us. I know Jacob has a hankering to ride in your helicopter again, this time when he can remember it.”

Hugs and handshakes were exchanged all around, then Emma and Frank left the ranch hand quarters.

“It’s going to feel so good to be home again,” Purity said. “I’m not telling anyone we’re coming back early. It will be like a vacation from our vacation.”

“We could actually take a vacation from our vacation,” Alex said.

“Do you have something in mind?”

“Moon Spirit Lodge is right on the way home. I could call and reserve a tree house for a few days.”

“Oh, Alex, that’s a great idea. I wanted to explore the area more and I didn’t get to see one of the tree houses by the waterfall.”

“They were amazing,” Meg said. “It’s like you were in the waterfall itself. You’ll love it.”

“Sound like a good idea to you, Meg?” Bob asked.

“I’d really rather just go home. I know I sound like a spoilsport, but I’ve always been a homebody. I like vacations, but the best part for me is always coming home. Plus, Jacob is still healing. I can’t imagine it would be easy for him to climb all those stairs.”

“Of course. I wasn’t thinking. Besides, we’re always saying we want to spend more time together. This is the perfect opportunity to do just that.”

“Should I ask you if you’d like to stay at Moon Spirit Lodge?” Brad asked.

“I don’t know. Do you want to stay there?” Court asked.

“I think it’s a bit spendy.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I’ll give you that.”

“But, truth be told, I can’t wait to leave the ranch. I am dying to get my fingers in some paint and get some of this angst I feel toward Red out of my system.”

“You think I could do that, too?” Jacob said.

“Anytime you want. My paints are your paints, or clay or water color or whatever medium you want to use. Day or night, my door is always open. Even if you don’t want to paint. If there’s a time when you want to talk or just sit and be quiet, you’re always welcome.”

“It’s not a bad idea for all of us,” Meg said.

“I don’t know if there’s enough paint to express my anger,” Alex said.

“I have to agree,” Bob said. “I think I’d need to use clay, so I could smash it and pound it and beat on it.”

“I didn’t know all you guys had feelings like that,” Jacob said. “What do you do with them when you can’t get them out of your system?”

“I go running sometimes,” Meg said. “When I feel like I’m just going to explode or like I can’t take one more thing. It gets rid of some of the adrenaline and calms me down.”

“I like a punching bag, myself,” Brad said. “I put on a pair of boxing gloves and beat the hell out of whoever I’m mad at.”

“What if it’s not a person?”

“Then I just think about whatever it is, the injustice of it. I give it a color and imagine a circle of that color on the bag. Then I start punching.”

“Everybody has to find their own way to release the tension. What works for me might not work for you,” Meg said. “All you can do is try different things and see what helps.”

“I know I’ve been kind of hard to live with lately,” Jacob said. “I don’t mean to be. It’s just that sometimes I get so angry. I just want to lash out or something. I don’t know. It builds and builds until I feel like I’m gonna explode.

When I was lookin’ at the gun pointed at me, I thought it might be easier just to let ‘em shoot me.”

Jacob looked at Meg. She was holding back tears, wanting him to feel free to say what he needed to say, but so sad that he had been dealing with these feelings alone.

“Mom, I know that hurts for you to hear, but it’s true. I think I have to start sayin’ hard stuff like that. I don’t know how else to get rid of it.

I been keeping it all inside, not wantin’ anyone to know because, well, maybe I deserved to be treated the way I was.”

Alex bent down on one knee, so he was eye-to-eye with Jacob. “You did not deserve to be treated the way you were. There is nothing you could do to make what Paul and Amanda Reese did logical or reasonable or acceptable.

If you’re going to get mad, get mad at them, not yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are adults and you were just a little kid. No one on earth would tell you it was your fault except the people who were abusing you.”

Alex’s face was grim and serious and Jacob knew his words were true. He still felt that if he’d been a better kid, his biological parents wouldn’t have treated him so badly, but that was just part of their game to mess with his head. He needed to realize it wasn’t normal and it wasn’t okay. And, most importantly, it wasn’t his fault.

Jacob looked down and didn’t speak for several minutes.

“I have a gun. Sometimes I just hold it in my hand because it makes me feel better. I can’t really explain it.

But when I was in that river, I was fightin’ to stay alive. I was helpless. The current was strong and the water was so cold. I knew those guys were just waitin’ for me with guns pointed at me. I wanted to live, but I could feel it being taken from me. I didn’t have any choice.

It was like, all of a sudden, dyin’ didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. I didn’t want to die.

I felt somethin’ grab me and pull me. I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t know where it was pullin’ me. I just knew it was to a better place than I was at. Maybe that’s enough.

Maybe just knowin’ that there’s a better place than where I been is enough.”

Everyone was silent. Words couldn’t be formed on their lips. Meg wrapped Jacob in her arms and hugged him tight. Bobby followed right behind. One by one, the group surrounded Jacob with their hugs and their love.

They knew it didn’t mean things were going to be easy, but some days just knowing there’s a better place than where you’ve been is enough. It gives you hope for tomorrow.

And, with your friends and family at the ready to help in any way they can, you realize that you don’t have to handle everything by yourself. Burdens were meant to be shared, just like joy and laughter, they flow in cycles like the waves.

What a gift we’ve been given to share our lives with those we love.

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