TWENTY-TWO
“You didn’t actually say that,” Darcy giggled, her head tipping back as she gave in to the laughter Jeff had a knack for spurring.
The strong hands massaging her right foot stilled. “You dare doubt me?”
Sensing her foot rub might be at stake, Darcy offered her best winsome smile and promised, “Never.”
At seven-and-a-half months, her feet were feeling the strain of all the baby her body was carrying around, and there wasn’t a whole lot she wouldn’t do or say to ensure this heavenly attention continued.
Fortunately for her, Jeff had developed the unconscious habit of pulling her feet into his lap every time he dropped onto the couch beside her to talk. And they talked a lot. About whichever project was occupying center stage in her work with his mother, the latest developments at Jeff’s company, the psychological thriller they’d watched in bed the night before or their preference of one ethnic cuisine over another and whether they ought to try cooking it or just hit the place around the corner instead.
They talked about the house Jeff had picked out a half mile from his mom’s place, and whether Darcy wanted to move in right after the baby was born or whether she wanted to wait a month or so.
And they talked about the baby. Speculating on whether it was a boy or girl and which combination of traits from either of them would be the equivalent of winning the genetics jackpot.
Jeff’s take was their kid would be better off with her looks and hair in particular, regardless of whether it was a boy or girl. His singing voice—which was nuts. Her aptitude for quick learning and problem solving. And his brute strength—especially if it was a girl because if she looked like her mother, he wanted her to be able to protect herself like her dad.
Darcy’s picks were different. If they got a boy, she wanted him to look like Jeff and a girl she wanted to look like Gail—the fine-boned, feminine version of her son. Beautiful and refined rather than built with too many curves and looks that tended to attract the wrong attention. She wanted their child to have Jeff’s sense of humor, drive and generosity. And most of all she wanted this baby to grow up knowing the same kind of love and support that had fostered the happy, confident man across from her.
Jeff grinned, gently rolling her ankle and squeezing her heel. “That’s what I thought. Seriously though, Darce, I know it was a work thing, but you should have come with me. Garry’s a piece of work, but you would have enjoyed Denise. She’s got a six-month-old daughter and a sense of humor like yours and, you know what, they’re actually going to be at my table for the benefit next week.”
Pushing up against the cushions behind her, Darcy didn’t realize she’d begun to pull her foot into her body until Jeff drew it back to his lap.
“Don’t pull away,” he chided, losing some of the lightness in his expression. “I just thought you might enjoy meeting a few people. Maybe making some friends.”
“We’ve talked about this. I’ll make plenty of friends once the baby is born. I just don’t want to do it now, as your date. I don’t want to have to figure out how to explain how we’re together and how we aren’t, and I know you’re not naive enough to think it wouldn’t come up. I mean, honestly, Jeff, how would you even introduce me?”
He met her eyes with a hard stare, betraying a frustration that went deeper than this one night. “I’d say ‘This is Darcy Penn.’”
“And when they looked at my stomach, or asked how we met, or waited until you were caught up in some discussion about employment trends and then asked me about our relationship?”
“You say we’re friends. You say, your house won’t be ready to move into for another couple months. You say whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“That’s the thing, Jeff. I’m not comfortable with any of it. Not now. In six months, when your mother is throwing some garden party, and I’m living in my own place and you want us to go together? I’ll be fine. You’ll be able to introduce me as your son’s or daughter’s mother. I’ll be on my own, actually living the life I’m going to have and not caught in some fairy-tale place I don’t want to have to explain the temporary nature of.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but then their in-vitro soccer player took a hard shot at her belly and she flinched, still stunned by the force of those kicks.
Her hand covered the spot and Jeff’s attention was immediately fixed on the little world contained within her belly.
“Active?” Abandoning her foot, he shifted closer so he could rest his palms across the hard swell of her stomach.
“I think he liked the roast chicken your mother brought over earlier.”
Another kick landed just below Jeff’s hand, and Darcy watched his face light with awe and enough tender joy she could feel it in her own chest.
Leaning down, he dropped a kiss against the spot where his hand had been and then turned so his cheek rested lightly there. Darcy stroked his hair, focusing on the bliss of that moment, trying to remember every detail. The warm wash of breath against her skin. The fullness of her belly and her heart.
She wouldn’t hope for it to last forever. Only that she remember it when it was gone.
* * *
Standing in the doorway of the master bath, Jeff straightened his tie and secured his links. Across the bedroom, Darcy lay half covered with the blanket she couldn’t commit to and preferred to keep balled up against her chest, with one leg covered and the other thrown over the top.
She’d finally gotten past the morning sickness, but contrary to how his fantasies had played out, morning was still not her friend. She slept later every day, probably because she was up several times a night thanks to Baby Norton sleeping with one foot on her bladder. And when she woke—
Don’t make Hulk angry.
—it was definitely better to give her a few minutes before trying to strike up a conversation.
He’d been seeing her less and less before he left for work. And then thinking about her more and more through those hours they were apart...ultimately leaving the office earlier than his workload required.
Which brought him to his current system. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was four-fourteen. He’d be at his desk by quarter to five and then home a dozen hours later. Which left him as many hours as Darcy had in her in the evenings.
It worked for him.
He was there to see her every day. Be a part of all the doctor visits. The quirky moods and quiet reflections. And around all that—whether she was purring like a kitten or snoring just that side of delicately—she was in his bed. Exactly where he wanted her to be.
Problem was, in just over a month Darcy was going to leave his apartment to have their baby. And when the hospital released her, she wouldn’t be coming back. She wanted to move into her own space. No blurry lines regarding the end of their affair.
That’s what they’d agreed on.
It had seemed like the easy means of giving Darcy whatever emotional space she needed so she’d still be comfortable sharing physical space with him. So she wouldn’t feel trapped or hemmed in. Now that he better understood her past, he was more cognizant than ever of that need to tread carefully.
Only sometime over the past few months, that clear plan with the easy exit strategy had stopped working for him and a new one had begun to take shape. A plan that involved more than blurring the lines.
Leaning down at the edge of the bed, Jeff dropped a light kiss at Darcy’s protruding belly and then moved up to do the same at her crown. “Have a good day, gorgeous.”
He was going to erase those lines all together. He knew he could. He’d make a success of this unconventional arrangement the way he did with everything else he wanted. Because now that he’d had a taste of what it could be like between them, no way was he going to give that up.
* * *
“I thought you said we were going to your mother’s?”
Darcy adjusted the pillow at the small of her back watching as Jeff navigated the roads of Bel Air, the look of supreme satisfaction on his face suggesting he was about to burst over something.
They were only about a mile from Jeff’s mother’s house, two from the “little” place Jeff had bought for her and the baby, and headed in the opposite direction. The mystery surrounding their destination making her wonder if he or, more likely, Gail had orchestrated a shower for her despite her protests.
She hoped not, but if that’s what it was, she’d be grateful and appreciative because she knew their hearts were in the right place.
“What’s this?” she asked when they pulled up to a security gate at a private drive.
Jeff rolled the window down. “Morning, Phil.”
The guard offered a quick wave activating the gate, which rolled silently open.
Darcy’s eyes landed on the for sale sign posted out front and then looked back at Jeff, nerves kicking up hard in the belly she’d been slowly rubbing.
“Jeff?”
“Wait and see.” He flashed her a dazzling grin and her heart started to pound.
A moment later they were parked in front of a breathtaking Spanish Colonial. Jeff hopped out of the car and circled around, that grin going full tilt as he helped her maneuver out of the front seat. Holding her hand, he led her to the open front door.
He didn’t knock.
Didn’t call a greeting of any sort, just walked a few steps ahead of her, pointing out the soaring ceilings, the wrought iron detail, the oversize formal dining room, the sprawling family room and the top of the line kitchen.
“Did you make an offer on this place?” she asked, afraid to hear the answer. Afraid to find out what they were doing there and why. Afraid to trust the heart that had begun to race dangerously ahead of her mind.
Jeff cocked a brow at her so full of mischief that even in her anxious state, she couldn’t help but answer with a laugh.
“Jeff, it’s beautiful. Incredible.” Enormous. “Are you thinking of making it an investment property?”
“I was thinking it reminded me of all those Spanish-style homes you’re always sighing over when we drive around. Only this place was better. Bigger. Eight bedrooms and ten baths...”
He’d been thinking of her.
“...I was thinking it’s a house that has everything but the family that belongs in it...”
Oh, God.
Her legs began to shake and she reached for the wall to steady herself, but then Jeff was there, taking her hand and holding it in his.
“...I was thinking we couldn’t fill this place yet, but we’ve got a good start with our little bundle here. And maybe, if you were interested, in another year or so we could think about a brother or sister.”
“Jeff,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears, because it couldn’t be real and suddenly she knew she wanted it to be with everything she had. It couldn’t be—except Jeff was going down on one knee in front of her. Holding her hand in the warm clasp of his, looking at her with eyes filled with expectation, excitement. Happiness.
She’d told herself not to hope for this. Not to let herself believe this was even a possibility, but as she stared down at the man she’d fallen helplessly in love with, she recognized the truth. She’d been a fool to think her heart would end up anywhere but here.
“Darcy, I know this isn’t what we talked about. But these past few months, it’s been so right having you with me. And as the days get closer to a time when you won’t be...I don’t even want to think about it. I can’t stand the idea of whole days going by when I don’t see our child. Of missing every other weekend and every other Christmas morning, when I don’t want to miss anything at all. And I know you don’t, either.”
That thundering heart ground to a halt as Jeff’s words hit her. What he was saying. What he wasn’t.
He was talking about not wanting to miss out on being a full-time parent. And it was wonderful to know he cared so deeply for their child, but...
Maybe he wasn’t done. Maybe as with everything else that happened between them, he was simply using their child as the starting point. Maybe there was more.
Only even as she thought it, disgusting words filled her mind.
You’re a fool.
“I know it’s not a fairy tale, Darcy, but you said yourself, you weren’t interested in one. We get along. We’ve got chemistry in spades. Sure it’s not exactly what either of us imagined our marriage would be, but people make sacrifices for the sake of their children all the time, and I can think of about a million reasons for getting married worse than making a full-time family.”
The air felt thin entering her lungs, the edges of her vision starting to haze.
Her throat tightened around all the protests and pleas suddenly desperate to escape. Words she’d never give voice to, because in that moment of sudden grueling clarity, she realized she’d already betrayed herself in all the ways she’d sworn she wouldn’t.
“No, it’s not the worst reason.” The truth was, Darcy hadn’t spent a lot of time imagining herself getting married at all. Her fantasies had always been independence-based. But the longer she was with Jeff, the more those fantasies most every other girl had in grade school seemed to flesh out.
The more she started to ache for something they didn’t have. “But, Jeff, for me, it’s not the right reason, either. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”