Wait for Me

Chapter Sixteen

Ryan stood on Annie’s front porch and drew in deep, calming breaths. He didn’t need this shit. He’d been on an emotional roller coaster since the day she’d shown up on his doorstep, and it was only getting worse. And he definitely didn’t need a woman telling him what he thought and felt. He knew, dammit.

He jogged down the front steps and walked through the rain to his car. If she wanted to be alone, he’d just leave her alone. He’d been through enough hell because of her.

This morning was me being emotional and overreacting to the stress I’ve been under. It didn’t mean anything.

Her words ran through his mind as he pulled the car door open, and he remembered the look in her eyes when she’d said it. That haunted emotion brewing deep inside. His chest tightened. He’d been so focused on her words, he’d almost missed the most important sign.

Up until they’d seen Dr. Murphy, she’d been fine. She’d handled the news about the phone calls with a calmness he hadn’t expected. She’d even accepted Dr. Murphy’s explanation of her injury. It was only when Ryan had asked if she was going to get her memory back that she’d pulled up those damn invisible walls. Since then, she’d been withdrawn, reserved, hiding behind those barriers.

Dammit. She was pushing him away because she thought he was only interested in who she used to be. She couldn’t possibly know he was starting to question that himself. That he’d already noticed the differences in her, that the attraction he felt to her was stronger than it had ever been before.

And she was sugarcoating it by implying she didn’t need him to take care of her. Then he remembered the panic in her voice when Simone had mentioned going up to Canada.

She wasn’t just scared. She was protecting him too. Not wanting him to get too involved. Doing exactly what she’d told him not to do.

Son of a bitch.

Water ran in rivulets down his face as he slammed the car door, as he jogged back up the front steps. He didn’t knock, instead thrust the door open with his shoulder and took the stairs two by two until he got to the top. When he rounded the corner into her office, he found her slumped against the wall, her elbows crossed over her up-drawn knees, her face buried in her arms.

So much for not caring. She was lying through her teeth.

Her head darted up when she heard him. Tears streaked her cheeks. She swiped her hand across her nose. “What are you doing…?”

He grasped her by the shoulders, plucked her off the floor, and pressed her back against the wall. Then he closed his mouth over hers, hot, hungry, his kiss filled with all the anger and frustration and need swirling inside him.

Her hands bunched in his wet shirt, and she tried to wiggle free, but he held her tight, pressed his body into hers. He kissed her hard, demanding a response. She bucked beneath him, but he felt the moment she gave in. The moment she grabbed on and pulled him tighter instead of pushed him away. The moment she opened her mouth and drew his tongue into hers, drawing his heart right along with it.

A strangled moan resonated from her. Desire tightened in his stomach. Blood rushed straight to his groin. Grasping her T-shirt by the hem, he yanked it over her head and dropped it on the floor.

“Tell me I don’t mean anything to you.” He nipped her ear, sucked the lobe deep in his mouth, pressed his lips against that upside down, heart-shaped birthmark near her jaw. The one he’d licked and nibbled a thousand times before. The one that was familiar and new all at the same time.

She shivered. Her head fell back as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer. She arched into him, offered more of her neck to his mouth, ground her hips against his erection. “You don’t. It’s…it’s just sex.”

The hell it is.

With hands he knew were way too rough, he grasped her bra and yanked. The front hook gave with a pop. He shoved the lacy garment aside, closed his hands over her naked breasts, bruising, kneading. He lowered his head to her right nipple, flicked the tip with his tongue, drew it deep in his mouth. She cried out when his teeth scraped the sensitive tip, hardening into a little bud, but she didn’t push him away, and he wasn’t done yet. He repeated the process on the other side, groaning himself when she thrust her hips into his in response.

“Say it again,” he said as he kissed her collarbone, her throat, as he found her mouth again. “Tell me this isn’t real.”

She shook her head, grasped his soaked shirt, and pulled it over his head. “It’s not.”

“You lie.”

He yanked the buttons open on her jeans, had his hands inside pushing them down before she even got the top button of his undone. In one swift move, her jeans and underwear lay in a pile on the floor.

Gasping, she reached for him. He captured her wrists, pinned them to the wall over her head with one hand. “Still nothing?”

She swallowed, shook her head. But he saw the desire in her eyes. Saw the hunger. Saw the need.

For him. Not for anyone else. Just him. Only him.

His mouth closed over hers. She opened for him, tangled her tongue with his. He brushed a hand down her belly, felt her quiver when his fingers slid into her curls. Groaned when he felt the hot, sweet wetness between her thighs.

“You’re dripping. You need to come, don’t you, baby?” She trembled at his words while he kissed her lips, while he circled his finger in her wetness until he found her *. “Tell me how much you need me.”

She groaned, pushed her hips forward. He slid his finger lower, inside, knew exactly where she liked to be stroked.

“Ryan...”

“Tell me,” he said against her ear. “Tell me you feel what I do. I know you do. I know you can’t fight it anymore than I can.” He added a second finger, stroked her deep, found her * with his thumb and circled until she cried out and came, her whole body trembling with her release.

“You’re so f*cking hot,” he whispered in her ear. “So incredibly sexy. You make me so hard, baby. Tell me.”

His name was a strangled cry from her lips. He captured it with his mouth, continued to drive her mad with his hand.

“Stop,” she mumbled against him.

“No.” He wasn’t satisfied with her body. He wanted her soul too. Wouldn’t settle for anything less. “Go up again. I want to watch. I love watching you come.”

“I can’t,” she muttered, pushing against him. “It’s too much.”

He nibbled at her throat, at her breasts; all the while, he continued to stroke the fire inside her with his fingers. She twisted, her thighs clamped around his hand as he took her to the edge again. “Ryan, please.”

“Tell me, baby. Tell me you don’t feel anything when you’re with me. Tell me I don’t matter. We both know you can’t, because this…you and me…this is all that matters.”

“Dammit,” she groaned. “I do care, you son of a bitch. Too much. I don’t want you to matter this much. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to hurt. I just want…you.”

Her words shot straight to his heart. He released her arms, tangled his hands in her silky hair, and pulled her mouth to his. His lips softened, his kiss gentled, and when he tasted the salt from her tears, tenderness consumed him.

Her hands scrambled for the waistband of his jeans. Her probing fingers slid into his pants, then wrapped around his cock, causing his whole body to jerk.

He needed to be inside her. Couldn’t wait. He dragged her to the floor. Wrestled with his pants and shoes. A groan tore through him when her mouth closed over his, and she pushed him back into the carpet, then straddled his hips, all her wet, moist heat so close he could barely breath.

She closed her mouth over his, kissed him deep. A shudder ran through him when she eased back, when she wrapped those long fingers around his cock then drew it toward her sex. And he lost all ability to think when she positioned him at the entrance to her body, lowered, and took him in.

His heart clenched so hard he gasped. He reached for her, pulling her mouth back to his, threading his fingers in her luscious hair. Everything else up to this point seemed unimportant. He drank her in with large gulps, reveled in the softness of her skin, the sweetness of her mouth. A low moan ground through him as she flexed her hips, as she lifted and lowered, as he tried to get as close as he possibly could.

He’d never thought he’d be with her like this again. Hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed her, how much he’d needed her, how empty his life had been without her. She enveloped him. She surrounded him. She consumed every single part of him.

Annie.

Her name hovered on his lips, the desire to call out to her stronger than he expected. So many years. So many things he wanted to make up for. He wanted to give her what she needed. Needed to let her know he’d heard her words.

Her names melded into one. “Look at me, Katie.”

Her eyes locked on his. And for a second, the connection he felt arc between them was so intense, so all-consuming, it devoured him. She touched his soul in a way no one before or since her ever had.

He knew she felt it too, could see by the look in her eyes she was as powerless as he against the emotions flowing between them. Tears glinted in her eyes, and he brushed back her hair to focus on her face.

“Only you,” he whispered, pulling her brow against his. “Only this, only us.”

Emotions pulsed through him when her lips slid over his. When she whispered his name. The muscles in his body tensed and he thrust harder, pulling her tight against him.

“Wait for me,” she whispered, kissing him harder, riding faster.

How could he tell her he’d been waiting for her his whole life?

He held back. But when she arched, when she tightened around him and he knew she’d reached the peak, he let go, making sure she went over that edge with him.

Pulse pounding, Ryan wrapped his arms around her and just held on. She fell against his chest, drew unsteady breaths. His lips trembled at her temple. His heart beat frantically against hers. For the first time in forever he felt…whole again.

He closed his eyes. Breathed deep. Hung on to the feeling. But when she turned her face into his shoulder, and he felt the cool tears trickle across his skin, the reality of the moment hit him.

That wasn’t what he’d meant to do. All his careful plans to woo her back had just crashed and burned, all because he hadn’t been able to control his temper. And, judging from the sobs gripping her, that wasn’t what she’d wanted, either.

“I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” He rolled her over, brushed her hair away from her face. “Please don’t cry.”

She covered her face with both hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, kissing her cheeks, the corners of her mouth, wanting to do anything to make it up to her. “I’m so sorry. I—”

She pressed her fingers over his lips. “Don’t say it again. I’m not crying because I’m upset.”

He stilled. “You’re not?”

She shook her head, then slowly lowered her other hand and stared up at him. “No.”

“Then why?”

She wiped a hand across her cheek. “Because you said my name. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it.”

He thought he’d fallen earlier, but he’d been wrong. Her sweetness overwhelmed him in a way it never had before. How could he love her more now than he had back then? Something about her today touched him in a way Annie never had. He didn’t want to think about the absurdity of what that implied. He only wanted to be with her again, to feel her and know her all over.

“Oh, Katie. Come here.”

He lifted her from the floor, carried her into her bedroom, sat on her bed, and cradled her in his lap. He nuzzled her neck, drew in her scent. Reveled in just being close to her.

“That’s not the way I wanted it for you. Not the first time.”

She rested her head against his neck, clasped her arms around his shoulders. “I’m not complaining.”

She smiled, and he kissed her, softly, gently, wanting her to feel what was in his heart.

She sighed and kissed him back. Her fingers laced through his damp hair to draw him closer.

When he eased back and looked down at her he realized one other thing he’d majorly screwed up on. His eyes slid closed. “Shit. Condoms.”

“What about them?”

“They’re in my pants pocket. After this morning I grabbed some, just in case.”

“Hopeful, were you?”

He opened his eyes, saw the humor glint in hers. She didn’t look upset, if anything she looked…amused. “I…I didn’t mean to—”

Her soft fingers landed on his lips. “Don’t apologize again. You may have started it, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one who finished it. I didn’t give you a chance to say no let alone find a condom.”

She hadn’t, that was true. His lips curled and his blood warmed at the memory.

“I won’t get pregnant, Ryan. I have it covered.”

He wanted to tell her he’d be thrilled if she wound up pregnant from tonight. Just the thought of seeing her carrying his child, getting to experience everything he’d missed out on with Reed, warmed him from the inside out. But he knew she wasn’t ready to hear that. Not yet.

“Plus,” she added. “I’ve been through every test under the sun and I can say for certain, that’s one part of my body that’s completely healthy. And I trust you. I’m not worried.”

He hated that they were having this conversation. That it was even an issue. “I was always careful. I want you to know that. If I had thought there was any chance, even a minuscule one, that you were still alive, I never would have been with anyone else.”

Her eyes darkened. “I believe you.”

He didn’t want her to believe it. He wanted her to feel it. To know she was the only one he’d ever wanted. He brushed a curl back from her face. “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know that too,” she whispered.

He leaned in and kissed her, felt his heart swell when she kissed him back.

“I can do better,” he said against her lips, running his hand down the soft indent of her spine.

“Right now? Are you up for that already?”

“Babe, I’ve been up for it ever since you walked back into my life.”

When she laughed, relief swamped him. He pulled her down onto the plush, red comforter, rolled her over, kissed her again, then eased back just long enough to look down into her eyes. “Did you really think you could get rid of me so easily?”

“Too obvious?”

His fingers tangled in her hair. “You almost had me convinced, until I remembered your eyes could never lie. They still can’t.” He kissed her eyelids, slid down to her mouth, traced his tongue along her lips until she opened and drew him in.

“I’ll have to remember that,” she mumbled when they were both breathless.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered as he ran his hand down her side, grazing his knuckles against the swell of her breast.

“I don’t want to think. I just want you to touch me like you did before. I want to forget everything but you.”

“Oh, babe. I think I can help you out there.”

“Good. Because right now, all I need is you, Ryan.”

And those were all the words he ever needed to hear.



***



Kate flexed her toes, stretching out her foot. She couldn’t remember a time she’d felt so relaxed, so sated, so calm. Every muscle in her body was loose and invigorated.

She glanced down at Ryan, and a smile slid across her face. His head lay pillowed on her chest, his arm draped across her waist, his legs tangled with hers. Even in sleep he didn’t seem to want to let go of her. Her fingers knotted in his hair, the silky blond tendrils tickling her skin. She’d never felt as desired, as wanted as she had the last few hours.

They’d made love twice more before he’d finally pulled her close and drifted off to sleep. Rain pelted the window outside, waves crashed against the shore in the dark, but in the confines of her little house, she was warm and content. And, for the moment, happy.

The kids were still with her parents, the phone was unplugged, and the nightmare that was her life shifted to the back of her mind. She’d deal with all that later. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy the moment, in case it didn’t last.

“Don’t,” Ryan said without moving.

Her fingers paused in his hair. “You don’t like that?”

“No, I love that. Keep doing it. Just stop thinking.”

She smiled wider. “How do you know that’s what I’m doing?”

“Babe, I can practically hear the gears grinding away in that thick skull of yours.”

“They were not,” she said playfully. “And it’s not that thick.”

A chuckle bubbled through him, one that vibrated in her own chest as he nuzzled her bare breast. “If you say this was a mistake I’m going to have to make love to you again until you stop thinking.”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“No, but you’re thinking it.”

“Well, of course I was thinking it. I’m a smart woman.”

With a smile, he skimmed his hand up her thigh and pressed his fingers into a pressure point in her hip. She giggled and tried to move away.

“Okay, you were warned.” His lips trailed across her chest, up to her neck. Warm hands slid up her body to caress her breasts. Arousal coursed through her again.

“You’re insatiable, you know that?” she whispered as his lips worked their way up to her ear.

“But in a good way.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. She hadn’t known she could feel this relaxed with him. Didn’t expect the warmth in her chest every time he kissed her.

He eased over onto his side, ran his hand up her shoulder, down her arm, his fingers intertwining with hers. He brought her hand back to his mouth and kissed her fingers one by one. Tiny threads of emotions coursed through her, the gesture so endearing, so tender.

She let her fingertips graze the scar on his chin. “How did you get this?”

“Mitch.”

“How?”

“We got into a fight.”

“About what?”

“You.”

She traced the curved line, feeling the worn ridge. “Why?”

“I’m not sure how to say this, but back in college, I was sort of…” He paused as if embarrassed. “Well, I dated a lot.”

She couldn’t help but smile. A player. “Like Mitch.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Probably why we got to be such good friends. Anyway, you and I had just started seeing each other, and you came to one of my games. Mitch and I played—”

“Baseball,” she finished for him. “And Mitch saw us together and got so mad he got ejected from the game.”

“How do you know?”

“Mitch told me the story. But not about the scar. He said he hit you when you came out of the clubhouse.”

One side of Ryan’s mouth curled. “He did. Man, he was pissed. And you…you were even more mad.”

“I was?”

“Yeah. Said we were acting like children. Actually, it wasn’t all that different from what you said to us after the press conference yesterday.”

She ran her fingers over the scar again. “How many stitches?”

“Four. I knew Mitch was right. He had every reason to be pissed at me. I went to break up with you that night. But I took one look at you standing on the porch of your sorority house, and saw how worried you were about me, and…”

“And what?”

“And I fell for you. Hard.”

Her heart thumped. She could imagine the scene. She just wished she could remember it. “You did?”

“Yeah. Plus, it didn’t hurt that you took me back to my apartment, doted on me, kissed all my wounds.”

She laughed, then glanced down at her hand in his. Her fingertips grazed the platinum band edged in gold. “Why do you wear this?”

“Because I’m married.”

“You were wearing it when we met. You didn’t know you were still married then.”

“I always wear it.” His fingers slid along hers.

“You’ve worn it all this time?”

“Yeah. Does that surprise you?”

She shook her head, fighting back emotions she couldn’t define. “Why? It’s been five years.”

“Because I got married, once, for better or worse. Forever. I found the woman I wanted to spend my life with. I have no intentions of getting married to anyone else.”

“You’d rather be alone? What if you’d met someone?”

“I’ve met lots of women. None of them ever came close to you.”

“Ryan.” Emotions flowed through her. Tears stung the backs of her eyes. Under that tender gaze, her heart was dangerously close to the edge.

His fingers tightened in hers, and he glanced down at her left hand. “I noticed you took yours off.”

She followed his gaze. “He wasn’t my husband. I couldn’t wear it once I knew the truth.”

He lifted her hand, kissed her naked fingers. “I wish I knew what happened to your ring. I need to get you a new one.”

She saw the determination in his eyes, and her stomach tensed in reaction. Loud warning bells went off in her head. She wasn’t ready for that. Wasn’t sure she ever would be. She tried to sit up. “Ryan—”

He leaned in and feathered his lips across hers with the most wicked of smiles. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t think. I don’t want you to worry about tomorrow or the day after. I don’t want you to overanalyze what I say. I just want you to feel.”

His mouth nibbled its way down her neck. She sank back into the pillows and closed her eyes. As his hands caressed her body, glided over curves and angles, she drew in a breath. Desire coursed through her all over again as his tantalizing fingers slipped between her thighs. Heat pooled in her core with each gentle stroke.

She couldn’t deny the tug she felt for him deep in her soul. It was more than physical, more than just blind attraction. It was so much deeper, so much more real than she’d ever expected or experienced.

And it scared her, more than she wanted to admit. The thought that it might be love, so soon after meeting him, made her palms sweaty, made her pulse beat faster. That couldn’t possibly be what she was feeling already.

He eased between her legs and kissed her as he slid deep inside. And her heart turned over as she pulled him close, as she opened her mouth and body and mind and soul to him.

“Are you thinking?” he whispered in her ear.

“No. Definitely not.” His slow, gentle strokes brought a sigh from her lips. She lifted her hips to meet him, ran her hands down his back, loving the texture of his skin, wanting to memorize every curve of muscle, each and every play of bone.

He smiled against her ear. “Good. I want your mind completely empty when I tell you that I love you.”

Her whole body tightened. “Ryan—”

“I do,” he said softly, drawing slowly out, pressing back in again until she gasped. “I can’t pretend that I don’t. What I love about you is deep inside. It’s there whether you call yourself Annie or Kate. It’s there whether you remember me or not.”

“This is crazy,” she whispered.

A smile twisted his mouth, and he kissed her again. Drew out and back. “No. Crazy would be denying what’s real. I don’t expect you to say it back, not yet, at least. I just want you to know it’s there. That it’s always right there.”

She trailed her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, pulled him close. Kissed him again and again as they made love. The words hovered on her lips, but fear held her back. Fear of what would happen in the light of day. Fear of how he’d feel about her when he got to know her better. If she allowed herself to fall all the way in love with him, and he woke up one day realizing she was different from the woman he remembered, she wasn’t sure her heart could survive the loss.

And she couldn’t give him all of her until she knew for sure she was what he really wanted.

Tonight, though, she could pretend like tomorrow didn’t exist. She might not be able to say the words, but she could show him what she felt instead.

Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him deeply, then rolled him to his back. “Let me love you, Ryan.”