Chapter 13
Lilly
“Mommy, this is so heavy!” Ashlyn says. She’s carrying one bag of groceries while I carry ten so I can avoid a second trip out to the car.
“Just a second, love bug, let me get the door unlocked.” I finagle the bags so I can get my hand up high enough to shove the key into the lock. Once the door is open, Ashlyn walks ahead of me and starts dragging the bag she’s carrying across the floor into the kitchen. I laugh as I watch everything that was once in the bag fall out as it tears open from being dragged as she walks.
“Where is Daddy?”
“He took Jax to see his mommy,” I tell her.
“Oh,” she says unhappily as I heft the bags up onto the counter. Once I’ve gotten free of the bags I’m carrying, I shake out my arms, trying to get the blood to flow again. “When is Papa Bear going to get here?”
“We have talked about this ten times today.” I smile. “Remember, I told you he and Grandma will be here in three weeks?”
“Oh yeah.” She shrugs and starts walking out of the kitchen, leaving the mess of cans she dropped along the way on the floor. “Hey, go pick up all the stuff you dropped please,” I tell her. She goes, but I can hear the slight stomp of her feet. She has had a long day and is tired and cranky. I’m feeling tired and cranky myself. Jules had called early this morning. She told Cash that she had to see Jax today because she was going out of town and wouldn’t be able to see him for a week or so. All I could think was good riddance, our lives were better without her in them. I start putting everything away when I hear the doorbell ring; I don’t know who it could be. No one would show up without calling first. I look through the side window, seeing Officer Dan is on the other side of the door. Once I finally get the door open, I can tell by the look on his face that this isn’t going to be a pleasant visit.
“Hi, can I help you?” I ask, looking behind him when I see another officer walking up the sidewalk.
“I’m sorry to do this to you, Lilly, but I’m going to need you to come with me,” he says, and he does look sorry, but that does absolutely nothing to make me feel better.
“What is this about?” I ask.
“There has been more evidence brought forward in the case against you.”
“Am I being arrested?” I question.
“Yes,” he says, and my stomach drops, and I know I’m going to be sick. I look down when I feel Ashlyn’s hand in mine. I really hate that she is here to see this.
“Can you go get Mommy’s phone?” I ask her. She looks up at Officer Dan before nodding and walking into the house.
“Cash isn’t here right now, and I can’t leave until I have someone here to take care of Ashlyn,” I explain, rubbing my hands together.
“That’s understandable, Lilly. We can wait here until you find someone to come watch her. I also called Tom on my way over and told him what’s going on. I suppose he is going to be showing up soon,” he says, looking concerned.
“Can you please not handcuff me in front of my daughter? I really don’t want her to get upset. I promise that I will fully cooperate.” I wrap my arms around my waist.
“We won’t cuff you until it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Here, Mommy,” Ashlyn says, handing me my phone. I pull up Cash’s number; it rings once before he answers.
“Hey, babe, we just got to the park. What’s up?”
“Officer Dan is here at the house,” I say, hoping he understands that I need him to come home. I really do not want to have a conversation about this with Ashlyn standing right here.
“Why is he there at the house?”
“He needs me to go with him,” I say closing my eyes. “I need you to come get Ashlyn.”
“Okay, baby, everything is going to be all right. I’m on my way home. I’m going to call my dad.”
“Okay,” I reply. I want to cry, but I know I can’t in front of Ashlyn. I really do not want her to get upset.
“Love you, baby, hang in there. I’m on my way now,” he says before hanging up. I pull the phone away from my ear.
“He is on his way.” I take a step back, opening the door more fully. “Would you like to wait inside?”
“Yeah, honey. Why don’t you g—”
“Dan, you know that’s not allowed,” the office behind him says, and Dan turns to look at him.
“Officer Mitchel, I suggest you stand down,” Dan replies, stepping into the house. He doesn’t wait for the other officer to come in before he shuts the door. I walk into the kitchen, looking around at all the groceries that still need to be put away. My eyes land of Ashlyn, who looks worried, and I hate seeing that look on my baby’s face.
“Come here, love bug.” Ashlyn comes to me and I pick her up, wrapping myself around her and breathing in her smell. I hate the idea of being away from her, Jax, or Cash for any length of time. Ashlyn doesn’t fight me; she must know something is going on. After a few minutes, I hear a car outside. I stand in the living room watching the front door. As soon as it opens, my stomach drops. It’s not Cash, but his dad.
“Hey, honey,” he says, and I hold Ashlyn a little tighter. I really don’t want to leave until I’m at least able to see Cash, but I wonder if I will be allowed to wait until he gets here.
“Hi,” I say.
“Grandpa!” Ashlyn says and starts to wiggle, trying to get down, and as much as I don’t want to, I set her down and watch as she runs to James.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he says, swinging her up into his arms. Dan looks at me, and I know he is silently trying to tell me that we need to go.
“I’m sorry, James, but I need to take Lilly with me.”
“I know. Can you wait until my boy gets here?” James asks.
“I really shouldn’t have let her stay as long as I have, but I knew she needed to wait until someone got here to stay with her daughter,” Dan says, looking upset. “I didn’t want to bring the girl with us and get CPS involved.” I feel nauseated by his last words; the thought of Ashlyn being put into the system, even for a short period of time, makes me feel grateful to Dan.
“I understand,” James says. He looks at me, and I can tell he’s worried. I know that Dan said he called James before this, so I wonder if he knows about what’s going on.
“I’m very sorry, Lilly, but we’re going to have to go,” Dan says. I walk over to James and Ashlyn; her head is laying against his chest. I want to pull her away from him, but I just can’t do it. I know that I need to put on a brave face for my girl.
“I’m going with Dan. Can you be a good girl for Daddy until I get back?”
“Why do you have to go?” she asks, and I take a breath before answering.
“He just needs to ask me some questions.” I look at Dan, and he looks at Ashlyn and nods. “Can I get some love before I go?” She looks unsure before leaning away from James so I can grab her. Once I get her in my arms, I whisper into her ear, “Love you, love bug. Be good, okay?” She nods and I feel tears start to fill my eyes. I know I need to leave before she has the chance to see me upset. I hand her back to James, who leans close so he can whisper to me that everything will be okay. I grab my bag off the counter and follow Dan out of the house. Once we’re at his squad car, I’m read my rights and placed in the backseat just as Cash pulls up with Jax. I lower my head. I really don’t want Jax to see me like this. I know that my mascara has started to run down my face, and I try as best as I can to wipe the tears away before Jax can see them. Cash comes to my door and squats down in front of me.
“Baby,” he says, his fingers tilting my face up. “It’s going to be okay. I called the lawyer on the way over here and he said he would meet you there.”
“Okay,” I tell him, trying to be brave. Something in my gut tells me this isn’t going to be so easily fixed.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I reply, and I can hear Jax begin to shout from off in the distance.
“We need to go,” Officer Mitchel says, standing behind Cash with his hand on the door. I can tell he is becoming impatient.
“Just give me a minute,” Cash growls, standing to his full height. “Dad, let Jax come here for a second,” Cash yells, and I hear the pounding of Jax’s feet on the gravel, then he is there, wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Hey, honey.” I try to smile, but I feel it wobble.
“Why are the police taking you away?” he asks. I pull him away from me so I can see his face.
“Office Dan needs some help with something and has some questions for me.”
“When are you coming home? We were supposed to make pizza.”
“We can make pizza another night.”
“But…”
I run my hand over his head, trying my best not to cry. “I have to go.” I see his eyes get wet and my heart breaks. “I want you to take care of your sister until I get back, okay?” He nods, biting the inside of his cheek. I pull him into me and kiss the top of his hair before helping him down from the car.
“Go wait with Grandpa, little dude. I’ll be there in a second,” Cash tells Jax, who reluctantly walks back up to the front porch where Cash’s dad and Ashlyn are standing with Dan. He resumes his place, crouching down inside the door, his fingers running down the side of my face. I close my eyes. “I will see you in a couple hours, okay?” I nod, but the lump in my throat won’t let me talk. “I love you, baby.” I nod again.
“We need to go,” Office Mitchel says. I take my eyes off Cash to look at Officer Mitchel. When Cash’s hand slides to the back of my neck, his fingers tangling into my hair, my eyes return to his. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I finally speak.
“Don’t worry, baby. Things will be okay.” He pulls my upper body forward, and as soon as I’m close enough, his mouth opens over mine, and he kisses me so thoroughly I forget where I am. “I’ll see you soon, baby,” he tells me one last time, pressing his forehead against mine.
“See you soon,” I agree, untangling my hands from his hair. He kisses my forehead before standing. He hesitates before shutting the door. His hand goes to the glass, and mine does the same. He turns to say something to Officer Mitchel before his eyes come back to me. I hate the worried look on his face. He steps away from the squad car and goes over to where his dad is standing. Ashlyn puts her arms out in his direction, and the second he has her, she wraps herself around him, his face going near her ear. I can see his mouth moving, and I watch her nod. Jax has his head back listening to what his dad is saying to his sister. I know he’s upset when his eyes come to me and I see tears in them. I’m so lost in watching my family that I jump when I hear the car door slam closed.
“You know it’s going to be your ass on the line if someone asks about what happened today,” Officer Mitchel says to Dan.
“You gonna say something?” Dan questions.
“N-nu…No,” Officer Mitchel stutters.
“So how the f*ck is anyone going to know that we didn’t follow procedure?” Dan growls, backing out of the driveway.
“I don’t know, just…what if they wonder why it took so long, or why she’s not cuffed?” he asks, sounding contrite.
“So you wanted me to handcuff her in front of her daughter, even though she was fully cooperating with us?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what the f*ck are you saying?”
“That we shouldn’t show favoritism.”
“Look, I have known James for the last twenty years. He is a good man, and from what I know, his boys are good solid men too. Yes, Lilly has been accused of a crime, but until she is found guilty, she is innocent. No, I didn’t cuff her. She also has no history of violence and has cooperated since the beginning of this investigation.”
“All right, you made your point,” Officer Mitchel says, looking out the window. We drive the thirty minutes in silence, and once we pull up outside of the precinct, Officer Mitchel gets out, opening my door. His hand goes to his back, and I hear the distinct sound of metal and know what’s coming. My stomach rolls, and I swallow against the nausea.
“I’m sorry about this,” Officer Mitchel says, and I can hear his sincerity. Once I’m cuffed, the weight of the metal on my wrist feels like a thousand pounds. I’m lead inside the police station by Dan with a hand wrapped around my elbow. He directs me to a small room that has a long metal table and a large mirror across from where I’m seated.
“We will be back in a few minutes, darlin’,” Dan says, and I nod looking at myself. I wonder how the hell this kind of thing keeps happening to me. It takes about twenty minutes for Dan and Officer Mitchel to come back into the room. Dan un-cuffs my hands but places a cuff around my ankle so that I’m attached to the chair.
“Thanks,” I say softly, rubbing my wrist. I can still feel the cold weight of the cuffs even now that they are gone.
“All right, let’s get started,” Dan says, pulling out a large envelope. I watch as he opens it and starts pulling out papers. I can see my name and copies of checks; my breathing picks up and I start to feel lightheaded. Even knowing I didn’t do what I’m being accused of, I still feel guilty that my name is involved. “Now, as you know, the last time that we brought you in we didn’t have enough evidence against you to charge you with a crime,” Dan says and I watch him take a deep breath before his eyes come back to me. “Unfortunately, that has changed.”
“No,” I whisper, looking at myself in the mirror. This all feels like I’m living a bad dream.
*~*~*
Cash
“How much f*cking longer are they going to keep her in there?” I roar; the rage inside of me is burning so brightly I could explode.
“Son, you need to calm down.”
“Calm down? F*ck that! Dad, she has been in jail for a week now!” I shout. It’s killing me having her away from me and the kids, and worse, knowing that she’s in jail, when she of all people should never even know what the inside of a jail cell looks like.
“Son, you going off half-cocked isn’t going to help anyone, and it especially will not help Lilly right now.”
“Dad, you and I both know that Lilly is not built to be in a place like that with real criminals,” I tell him, something he already knows. Yesterday when I went to see her, I could see it in her face that she was exhausted. I knew my dad was doing everything in his power to keep her away from the general population, but he could only do so much, and his friends could only do so much without making it look like favoritism, risking all of their jobs.
“Cash, I promise you I’m doing everything in my power to get her out of there.”
“I know.” I sit down in one of my parents’ lawn chairs. “Did they get the video from the check cashing place?” I ask him.
“It’s being reviewed now,” he tells me, sitting down across from me.
“When will they know something?” I ask, dropping my head forward. I hate this.
“I’m not sure, son,” my dad says quietly. I lift my head to look at him.
“I need her, Dad. I feel like I can’t breathe.” I scrub my hands over my face. “I feel like I’m dying inside.” I look at my wedding band, rubbing my thumb over the shiny piece of jewelry. “Her parents are going to be here today. I have to take the kids with me to go pick them up. Her mom and dad are going to have a lot of questions—questions I don’t have answers for.”
“I will come with you. The kids can stay with your mom. You and I will go to the airport and pick them up.”
“Thanks,” I say, not looking up at him. I have already failed Lilly as her husband. What kind of man lets his woman go to jail? I don’t deserve her. “I have never deserved her.”
“Hey, none of that feeling sorry for yourself bullshit,” my dad says, and I realize I must have spoken out loud.
“It’s the truth,” I tell him.
“You’re probably right. You probably don’t deserve her, but she’s yours, and I raised you to be a good man, a strong man, and a man worthy of a good woman’s love.” He stands and pats my shoulder. “You need to be strong for her and those two little ones.” I know he’s right, and I won’t let my kids be touched by what’s going on, but it doesn’t make it any easier to look at myself in the mirror. The worst part is that Jules is claiming me to be an unfit parent, and at this point, the judge is considering joint custody due to her claims about my wife—though Jules has been gracious enough to tell me that if I left Lil, she would be willing to let things be. I let her know where to shove that idea. There were no forces on this Earth strong enough to tear me away from Lilly. Just because I wasn’t good enough for her doesn’t mean I would ever give her up.
“I got it,” Nico says the second he steps through the sliding glass doors.
“Please tell me that it’s good,” I say and stand up.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“What the f*ck are you talking about? I want to see what’s on the tape,” I say, sliding open the door he just came through.
“Wait, we need to talk for a second before I put this in,” Nico says, grabbing my elbow.
“What? You have a tape that proves that Lil is innocent and you want me to wait?”
“No, I want to make sure that you know that no matter what’s on this tape, we’ve got your back.”
“Jesus, you still don’t trust her,” I whisper in disgust. I haven’t even thought once that she may not be innocent. I know that she didn’t do what she is being accused of.
“Did I say that I didn’t believe her?” Nico asks, shaking his head. “Dude, I know she didn’t f*cking do it. The thing I want you to prepare yourself for is what else is on this tape.”
“What does that mean?”
“You will see, but know that we’ve all got your back.” I lift my chin, wondering what the f*ck is on the tape, feeling like I don’t even want to know at this point. We walk into my parents’ house where the kids and I have been staying since she got placed in jail. I don’t want to be home without her, and I know that with us staying at my parents’ they seem to have fewer questions about where she is. That doesn’t mean that when bedtime, bath time or any time that they normally spend with her during the day comes along they don’t cry for her or look around waiting for her. That’s the part that kills me. I hate seeing that lost look on my kids’ faces. It has been bad enough dealing with the look on Jax’s face over the past couple years when his mother doesn’t show up. But now it’s worse knowing that if Lil had it her way, she would be with them. This isn’t something that she is choosing to do. “You ready for this?”
“Put it in,” I tell him. He sets up the video and my dad comes into the room, taking a seat in his old recliner. I sit on the couch and wait for the blank screen to light up.
“All right, now, the first part of the tape is all garbage, just normal people cashing their checks. Then around two, something interesting happens,” Nico says, and I watch the screen go black.
“What the f*ck did you do to the tape?” I stand up.
“I didn’t do anything.” He shrugs like it’s all the same to him, and then stands as well. “So I’m guessing that you didn’t catch it, huh?”
“Catch what?” I growl. “I’m not in the mood for your f*cking games.”
“I’m going to play it again; calm your tits.” He smiles. “This time, pay close attention to what happens right before the screen goes black. He presses play again, and this time I stare at the screen so hard that I feel like my eyes are going to dry out, but right before the screen goes black, I catch it.
“You have got to be f*cking with me.” I take a breath and then another, trying to squelch the urge to find a gun and put a bullet in someone’s brain.
“I guess you caught it that time,” Nico says smiling.
“I’m going to f*cking kill her,” I say, my hands fisting at my sides.
“Now, son,” Dad says, and I hear him, but I couldn’t f*cking care less right now.
“I’m going to f*cking kill the bitch,” I repeat.
“Cash, son, I need you to calm down and think about this.”
“She has done it again. She has f*cked with my life again.” I close my eyes, images of Lilly when I first met her flashing in my mind—how the love we had for each other back then could have grown, and how lucky I am to have it now. Images of Ashlyn come next, everything I missed with her, all the moments I will never get back. Then Jax, and how my son has suffered having her as a mother. How until Lilly, he never knew what it was like to have a mother who loved him completely. Yes, I’m going to kill the bitch. “Where the f*ck is she?” I ask, looking at Nico. Now he has Sophie, he should know the anguish I’m feeling.
“Jules doesn’t know I have this tape,” Nico says. “I say we call the lawyer and have him get this tape admitted into evidence, then Lilly can finally get her chance in front of the judge. Hopefully, he will look at this and realize he has the wrong person and let her go.
“Yeah, but that’s not a lot of evidence proving her innocence,” I realize and speak out loud.
“They took writing samples from Lilly that say that she is not the one who wrote those checks. The evidence against her is not solid, so maybe with the tape and the other evidence we can get her home. All the rest can be worked out after that.”
“Jules needs to go down for this shit.”
“And she will, but first, let’s get Lilly home.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Look, you go with Dad to pick up her parents, and I will get this to the lawyer.”
“Thanks, man,” I say to Nico.
“You would do the same for me,” he says before leaving. I sit back down, scrubbing my hands over my face.
“You want me to go get her parents?” my dad asks.
“Nah, I need to get out of the house.” I stand, and after we say goodbye to the kids, we head out to my dad’s truck.
After we pick up Lilly’s parents from the airport, the lawyer calls and tells me Lilly has seen the judge, and he is releasing her on bail. The tension that had been weighing heavily in the car since we picked up her parents disappears with that one call. I have never felt such a sense of relief in my life. Now I just pray Nico finds a way to clear her name completely. I also want Jules to go down for what she did.
I drop Lilly’s parents off at the house. Yes, I know they want to see their daughter, and the kids want to see her too, but I don’t give a f*ck. I need her to myself for at least a little while.