It made income tax time a horror show, but she loved her life. Landing in a new place with nothing but a backpack and one suitcase was like starting over once or twice a year. Nobody to answer to, especially her parents. Leaving their nest, and keeping her nest on the move kept them from hovering too much.
She wasted as much time as she could. The apartment was spotless, but she had a coffee mug and a spoon to wash. She sorted her laundry, checking her pockets carefully since she’d washed and dried her last cellphone. It hadn’t been a big deal because Derek the drunken asshole had supplied her with a BlackBerry, but he’d demanded that back. She always had a landline, though, just to please her father. He’d also coerced her into keeping one low-limit credit card she rarely used along with the landline so at least she’d have something on her credit report should she ever grow up and buy a house. What he didn’t seem to understand was leaving them behind, living the way she did, was the only way she could grow up.
When there was nothing left to distract her, she opened the home pregnancy test packaging and unfolded the directions. And…her telephone rang.
Credit report, be damned. She wasn’t paying for caller ID, but it was either her parents or her boss. “Hello?”
“Were you planning to come home for the holidays?”
Her mother never said hello. She just opened her mouth and let her train of thought run loose. “I’m not sure yet.”
She wasn’t sure of anything with that damn plastic wand sitting on the table. She usually took the bus down to Florida at least twice a year for a visit, once usually being for Christmas.
“Adelle and Bob want us to go on a cruise with them because the Donaldsons were going to go with them but had to cancel last minute. They can transfer the tickets to us, but it’s in six weeks. Can you believe that? Six! Whoever heard of such a thing?”
“Who’s going to cover your line dancing classes? And knitting class? And the other billion classes you teach?”
A patented Shelly Hansen sigh. “Your father thinks I should slow down a little. We’re not getting any younger, you know.”
“You’re only fifty-two, Mom.” Just like that it hit her. She was twenty-six. The exact same age her mother had been when she gave birth to her only child who survived to term. “Crap.”
“What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”
“No, I…stubbed my toe.” It was on the tip of her tongue—the urge to lean on her mother’s shoulder, even by phone.
But she’d put off doing the test so now she didn’t know for sure and she’d hate to get their hopes up. Though she’d disappointed them by dropping out of business school to be a nomad, they loved her unconditionally and a grandbaby would make them ecstatic. And they’d rejoice at her having an irrevocable reason for growing up.
There was also a possibility they’d drop everything and show up on her doorstep. The problem with being the only baby to survive five pregnancies? Smothering. Crushing, suffocating micromanagement and hovering. With the amount of time they spent coddling and hugging her as a child, she was surprised she got enough oxygen.
Then came her teen years. Where was she? When would she be home? The constant checking in. It only got worse when she started business school, and that’s when she first packed a suitcase and got on a bus. Not to sever her claustrophobic relationship with her parents, but to save it.
“About that cruise…”
Beth smiled, picturing her mother picking at her thumbnail. “You should go, Mom. Really. Where I work now gets busy with Christmas parties and stuff.”
“Are you sure? We can go another time.”
“I’m sure. Go with Bob and Adelle while you can. You know you and Dad will get bored with each other if it’s just the two of you. Send me postcards.”
“You won’t move while we’re gone will you?”
That made her laugh, which got another sigh. “No. I’ll stay put so you don’t need to worry about me.”
They chatted a few minutes about life in a Florida retirement community. Her parents were on the young side, her father being a wise and lucky businessman, but it suited them as well as her wandering suited her.
“Your father’s waiting for me now. He’s got a coupon for the salad bar, but it’s only good during early-bird hours.”
After her mother assured her several times her cellphone would work on the ship, they said goodbye and there was nothing left for Beth to do but pee on a stick.
Three minutes later, there was a blue plus sign in the window.
Her future flashed before her eyes. Diapers. Minivans. And Kevin Kowalski.
***
I can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Call me!
Because he was a gentleman, Kevin gave the woman a wink and a wave instead of letting her know claiming a level of suction that would turn his balls inside out wasn’t really all that sexy. And he waited until she was gone before tossing the napkin in Paulie’s direction.
It was almost a full minute before she stopped laughing. “Be cheaper in the long run to stick your dick in a vacuum hose.”