CHAPTER THREE
What had he done?
Ethan stood on the front porch of the bunkhouse he’d converted into his home, and gazed across the yard at the big house he’d grown up in, letting the cool morning air blow over his shirtless torso. He gripped a cup of coffee in one hand like it was a lifeline, and in a way it was. His head ached, his mind refused to think clearly. All he knew was that in the 24 hours since he’d watched his last sunrise over the fields of his family’s ranch from this very same spot, he’d acquired a fiancée, lied to just about everyone he knew about his intentions toward her, and had the most riveting sexual experience of his life.
With a stranger.
A stranger he intended to put on a plane and send away this very morning.
The acid burning in his belly and the back of his throat wasn’t due to the copious amounts of alcohol he’d consumed the night before. It was the product of the knowledge that before sundown the whole damn town would be sneering at him. Ethan the cheat. Ethan the loser. Ethan, the man who lures defenseless women to town for a quick roll in the hay, then sends them packing. Ethan, who can’t even hold onto the ranch that’d been in his family for generations.
No matter that Rob was the joker who had set this whole fiancée thing in motion. No matter that Lacey made him a loser in the love department. No matter that his own mother had siphoned off the ranch’s earnings for years to support her outrageous spending sprees.
In the end it all came down to him. His inability to control his world. His inability to right the wrongs of others. No one else could be trusted to make things right. He had to do it all, or die trying.
His knuckles stood out white against the mug and he forced himself to relax his grip. He’d been through some tough times before and this one wouldn’t kill him, either. He thought his parents’ deaths would be the end of him; two of the people he loved most in the world snuffed out with no chance to say good-bye. He remembered the night the state troopers knocked on his door, broke the news man to man, then left him to the realization that he was all alone. He barely had time to absorb the shock before all the responsibilities of running a ranch came crashing down on his shoulders. Cattle, horses, men, all depending on him to keep things right.
He’d reached out to his sister then, but she’d turned him down flat. Claire had left for Billings years ago to become an interior designer after a particularly nasty argument with their mother. No way she was coming home to help, not even for a couple of weeks. She offered to find a realtor to list the spread and he’d hung up on her. It was months before they spoke again.
Then came another shock – the day he spent with his parents’ accountant, going over the books for the Cruz spread for the first time. He had no idea how much money his mother spent on her annual jaunts to Europe. No idea how thin the ranch’s margin was. His parents were in debt up to their eyeballs when they died and he was the lucky inheritor of the whole mess.
That night was the worst of his life – when he realized he hadn’t just lost his parents; he was losing everything his family stood for. Still living in the Big House, he’d gone over and over the printouts the accountant gave him, looking for any good news in all the bad. Sometime around 2:30 in the morning, he’d gone to the kitchen to refill his drink and he’d taken in the granite countertops, high end appliances and hand quarried slate floor. He’d been surrounded by his mothers’ excesses all this time and never thought to question it.
In that moment, the dim light of the refrigerator spilling across the floor, he had the awful thought that maybe his parents’ deaths weren’t an accident after all. Maybe broken under the load of debt, his father had deliberately crossed the line on the highway and driven off the road.
No. He knew that wasn’t right. He knew it.
But the thought haunted him for days. It was with him when he confessed to Lacey the state of the ranch. It rung in his brain when she recoiled from him, ran away and refused to take his calls. Stuck in his head when he began to hear the rumors that she’d taken up with another man – a rich outsider come to town to buy a show ranch.
It kept him up through long nights of imagining that stranger touching her – sleeping with her. Prevented him from eating, and brought up whatever food he managed to choke down, while he struggled to find a foothold in the mountain of debt that would allow him to keep the ranch – and a reason to keep on trying now that Lacey had abandoned him. He wanted to throttle his father. Why hadn’t he stood up to his mother? Why hadn’t he stopped her?
Why hadn’t he taken Ethan with them in the car that day, instead of leaving him to face this all on his own?
Driven by that last awful thought, he’d finally sought out Joe Halpern in town, the pastor of his parents’ church – the one he hadn’t attended in years – and let the whole thing spill out of him. Joe’s words had been a kindness to him that day and they’d stuck with him ever since.
“Your father wasn’t a quitter, Ethan. He worked hard every day because he saw opportunity around every corner. He loved your mom, maybe a little too much since it seems to have knocked the sense right out of him, but love does that sometimes. And that’s okay, because in the end that’s all that matters. You’ll find a way to turn things around, and even if you don’t, you’ll be all right, because in the end it’s the people in our lives, not the things we own, that make life worth living.”
He wasn’t sure if he agreed with that last part, but Joe was right about his father. Alex Cruz wasn’t a quitter, and if he’d let his wife overspend it was because he adored her and wanted her to be happy. He must have thought he’d be able to recoup those costs and pay down that debt. And if he thought so, there must be a way. Ethan just had to find it.
Even if he did, that wouldn’t fix the problem of the woman sleeping it off in his bedroom. A wave of heat ran through him although the air was still cool. She was something else. A beautiful, hot, curvaceous, willing woman who’d flown all this way simply to be with him. To join her whole life to his.
Always and forever.
The thought revved him up more than he wanted to admit.
Could it work?
No way. The whole thing was preposterous – outrageously stupid. If he’d learned anything in the past eight months, surely it was not to trust a beautiful woman. Or fate.
He had to sit her down, explain the whole thing, wipe away her tears and put her on that plane.
* * * * *
Autumn awoke with a start.
Something was wrong. Something was really, really wrong.
As she did a mental inventory, her stomach pulled into a sickening knot and the back of her throat ached.
Was she hurt? No, but she didn’t feel exactly normal…down there.
Where was she? In her apartment? No, and not at a hotel either. In a man’s bedroom, in…Ethan’s bedroom.
And it all came back in a rush. Arriving by plane, acting her part, going to DelMonaco’s, Rob announcing their engagement to all and sundry, the drinks, more drinks, more drinks, and then….
Oh no.
No. She couldn’t have. She…ohmygod she was naked and…oh, yeah, she’d definitely had sex.
With a stranger.
Without protection.
Shit.
She sat up and the whole world swum around her as she clutched the comforter to her chest. Where were her clothes, dammit? No, scratch that – where was the washroom?
She dashed across the room and just made it before she heaved what was left in her stomach from the previous night’s alcoholic romp. Slamming the bathroom door shut with her foot, she blotted her mouth with toilet paper, flushed the toilet, and knelt on the cold, tile floor, wanting to lay down and die.
Why, oh why hadn’t she told Ethan he needed to use a condom? Much to her gynecologist mother’s disgust, Autumn couldn’t tolerate birth control pills and had discontinued them after several years of battling migraines. In the past she’d simply spoken up to her boyfriends about her need to use an alternate form of protection. She wasn’t embarrassed about it. Her only excuse for last night’s lapse was she was too drunk to think straight…and out of practice.
“Use protection. Every. Single. Time.” Her mother’s words – uttered at least once a week during her teenage years – rang in her mind.
How much more proof did she need that she was a complete and total failure? Not only would she go back to New York without the story she so desperately needed, she might return knocked up. She could picture her mother and sister’s reactions.
Autumn screws up again. Autumn never finishes what she starts. Autumn’s having a baby. At 24. Before she even gets her career off the ground.
Failure. Complete and total failure.
She forced herself to her feet, gripping the countertop when the room swam again. It was stark and practical – white tiles, a Formica counter, plain Jane mirror cabinet and fixtures. A man’s razor was plugged into an outlet and a can of shaving cream sat nearby. A bar of soap and tube of toothpaste near the sink. Forest green towel and washcloth. The bathroom of a man who didn’t waste time or thought on home décor. A cowboy’s bathroom.
She ran cold water in the sink and splashed her face, wiping away the tears she hadn’t realized she was crying. No, she wouldn’t let her family down or herself down – not again. What were the chances she’d gotten pregnant from just one time? More likely she’d caught some stupid disease – hopefully not a deadly one. She’d haul her ass into a doctor as soon as she was able and get checked out.
She’d grit her teeth, finish out this assignment, get her photos and get the hell back to New York. And if she was pregnant she’d deal with it. There were answers to every problem.
Grabbing the washcloth, she scrubbed at her face viciously until all traces of tears were gone, then swished some toothpaste around her mouth as best she could. As she retraced her steps to the bedroom, and began to search for her clothes, she refused to listen to the voice that told her if she was pregnant, she’d never give up the child.
* * * * *
Ethan walked into the bedroom as Autumn was pulling on a pair of panties. She swiveled around in surprise and with a small cry clamped one arm across her chest, but not before he got a good look at a part of her anatomy that had enthralled him the night before.
He stopped, cleared his throat and searched for something to say. “Good morning.”
She stared at him. “Uh…morning.” Her voice was shrill and high, and he realized she wasn’t entirely comfortable with the situation. Somehow that made him grin. He wasn’t comfortable with this situation, either – not by a long shot – but her current position, half-naked, her arm doing very little to cover the curve of her assets, was fine by him. He could watch this show all morning.
“Do you mind?” she said finally.
He leaned back against the doorjamb. “Not at all. Go ahead.”
“I’m not getting dressed while you stand there!”
She was blushing again, and it looked even better on her this time than it had the night before. He allowed himself a long look. What a body. Long legs, shapely hips dipping in to a small waist and then the swell of her breasts. He definitely approved.
“Why not? You’re my fiancée, right?”
He knew he was being a cad. After all, he was about to break the news about the joke. So why was he pushing her like this? Almost daring her to say it wasn’t true. But he was the one who was lying – she was here because she wanted to marry him. Wasn’t she?
Suddenly Ethan wanted to know that for sure. Was she really here because one look at his video hooked her for life? Her actions seemed to back up that theory. She’d been willing to sleep with him a scant few hours after she’d arrived, but then again he’d been pretty willing, too, and he had no intention of marrying her.
He waited. After a long moment, she nodded. “Right.”
“So get dressed. I want to see what I’m getting out of the bargain.”
Her color deepened, but she took a deep breath, raised her chin, dropped her arm and spun in a circle. “This is what you’re getting. Satisfied?”
There was an edge to her voice, so he shifted tactics. “I like what I see,” he said. He pushed off the door frame and crossed the room. “But I’m not satisfied by a long shot.” He bent down and captured her mouth with his, pulling her closer until those breasts that drove him wild pressed up against his bare chest. At first she resisted him. She slid her hands up between them and tried to push him away, but when he let his hand fall to the curve of her bottom and gave a gentle squeeze, she groaned and wrapped her arms around his neck.
As he maneuvered them toward the bed, Ethan remembered his resolve. Damn it, he was supposed to be sending her home, not seducing her a second time. “I…” he started, not sure at all what he was going to say. “I…need to get to work. It’s late.”
“What?” She was flushed and tousled and so beautiful he wanted to pitch her onto the bed and make love to her until neither of them could think straight.
“It’s late. This is a ranch,” he stammered. “I can’t stay here – I’ve got to go…”
“Oh,” she said, then seemed to comprehend. “Oh, right! The ranch. Sorry, I…I got distracted.”
He laughed, “Honey, we both did.” Honey? Did he just call her honey? Get a grip, Ethan – she’s leaving on the first flight!
But even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t true. She wasn’t going anywhere until he got to know her better. It was wrong to lie to her and let her believe he would go through with this…marriage…but there was nothing wrong with getting to know a pretty girl and seeing if they had what it took to get serious about each other. He’d suggest they back things off for the time being. Take it real slow. He’d say that while the marriage notion might have brought them together it was only fair to both of them that they think of this month as a series of dates. He’d suggest they move into separate bedrooms so she didn’t feel pressured. They’d build a relationship one step at a time like normal people did. Then, if things went well, they might decide to take it to the next step. Either party could cancel at any time.
After all, he wanted to find a partner. He wanted a woman who wanted what he did; to build a successful life on the ranch that included a thriving business and a thriving family, as well. According to Rob, she wanted a country life, a strong man and lots of children. They had more in common than he did with most of the women he grew up with in Chance Creek.
He kissed her again, pulling away reluctantly. “Go on, get dressed. I’ll show you around the house and grounds and then head out.”
* * * * *
Autumn pulled on jeans, a t-shirt, and socks and swept her hair up into a sensible pony-tail. She found her tooth brush and mouthwash, and felt much better after another trip to the washroom. When she made her way to the kitchen, Ethan presented her with a plate filled with toast, sausage and fried eggs. A glance at the table told her he’d made himself an identical breakfast. Too bad she was half his weight and still suffering from that hangover. She wasn’t sure she could keep down a bite, let alone clean this plate.
“I swear this is the last time,” he said, gesturing to the meal. “My mom hated men in her kitchen – I bet you do, too. There should be enough food kicking around in the fridge and cabinets for a day or so. You just make me a list and I’ll pick up any supplies you need when I go into town tomorrow. Your domain, I swear. I won’t intrude.”
“Uh…thanks.” Since when did women mind men making breakfast for them? She loved puttering in the kitchen, but had no problem sharing the job with someone else. What kind of person was his mother – a total control freak? She glanced out the back screen door and relaxed. Probably the work he did out there consumed all his time and then some. And it sounded like he’d leave her to it and not micro-manage the way she handled the chore. She appreciated that. She’d dated a chef once – Erik Whittleton – and the one time she made herself toast in his kitchen he’d nearly blown a fuse. That had ended things between them. She loved to cook, and if Ethan wanted her to take over the kitchen while she was here, she’d be more than happy to oblige.
Ethan took a bite of sausage and followed it with a scoop of egg. “I’ll be gone most of the day. I’ll cut out early, though, and try to be back around five o’clock and we can have dinner together. How’s that sound?”
Five o’clock? What was it – about half past six in the morning right now? “What do I do all day?”
“Well, you can cook me dinner,” he said, grinning. “Anything with meat. Otherwise, look around the place and get settled. Relax.”
She bit her lip. “You said in your video you’re looking for a woman to help you run the ranch. Sitting around all day doesn’t sound that useful.” Plus it wouldn’t get her any photographs of handsome cowboys roping cattle – or whatever it is one did on a ranch in Montana.
“Hmm.” Ethan considered this. “I need to cover a lot of ground today – Jamie and I are checking the fence on the south pasture, so it’s not a great time for you to tag along. If you’re ready to help out you can always work on the kitchen garden, though. It’s in pretty sad shape. Mom used to feed us out of it most of the time. I don’t know what you can salvage this year, but anything you can do would be great. I promise I’ll take you out with me on a day’s work soon, though – let you get an idea of what we do here.”
“Okay.” She’d prefer to spend today with him, and shoot some pictures of him checking those fences, but she didn’t want to scare him off by being too pushy. It seemed like he hadn’t put a whole lot of thought into her arrival. If she hadn’t known better, she’d think he’d been surprised by it. What kind of guy roped a woman into marriage, then tried to feed her takeout food, didn’t give her a ring, and ditched her on her first full day in town? Maybe this was why he had to use the internet to get a wife in the first place.
She resigned herself to sticking around the house. She decided she would use the opportunity to take some photographs of it and the surrounding area, too. Lots of them, in case she decided to bail early. She could always do a fluff piece on Montana ranch life. If she got bored, she’d work in that garden.
“Is Jamie your only ranch hand?”
“No, but he’s the only one living on-site right now.” He shrugged. “I didn’t have anyone to run the place – do the cooking and all that – and as you can see, I’m living in the bunk house. I didn’t feel much like living in the Big House once my parents passed on. Most of the men live nearby. They drive in each day.”
He ate his sausages in two bites and mopped up the remainder of the egg with half a slice of toast. “Gotta run. Sorry to leave you in the lurch.” He stood up and she did, too, trailing him to the door. He hesitated, one hand on the handle. “I’m glad you came. We’ll talk more tonight, work out all the details.” He bent down and gave her another kiss that sent shivers of desire down to her toes.
“Okay,” she managed to say, and watched him disappear out the back door and around the corner of the house.
As she stepped back into the kitchen and looked around, she got the feeling leaving Ethan when the time came might end up being much more difficult than she had expected. No other man made her lose control with the slightest touch. If he’d wanted to take her right here on the kitchen table, she’d have swept the dishes onto the floor herself. What was there about him that made her want to leap into his arms and give herself up to his command? Was she losing her mind? Had worry about her career completely unhinged her?
She cleared the table, swept her leftovers into the trash and filled the sink with soapy water, exploring the kitchen as she went to figure out where everything belonged. It was spare but adequate and while her mother might look down on the plain board counter tops and linoleum floor, she had a feeling this room had seen a lot of life and had many stories to tell. As a teller of stories herself, she felt a kinship to the room she’d never felt with any of her city apartments.
It was just a month, she thought. What if she allowed herself the fantasy of being a farm wife to the sexiest cowboy alive? She could sew gingham curtains for the windows, bake comfort food every night, rub his back at bedtime, and…sleep with him?
Could she sleep with a man for a month and then walk out?
Well, why not? She’d had other short term relationships that started with a bang and then fizzled out fast. She hadn’t planned them ahead of time, but she’d lived through them and no one was worse for wear. She could do it.
She dropped a hand to her belly, then jerked it away. That was just stupid. Even if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t be able to tell for weeks, and by then she’d be well on her way back to New York. No sense getting her panties in a wad about something that wasn’t even on the radar.
She scrubbed the counters, swept the floor and admired her handiwork. She’d plan a menu for the week this afternoon and ask about curtain material when Ethan got home. For now, she was going to take advantage of this break from her normal life, grab her camera and head outside.