“Oh? Was it? Was it an accident? Were you casually walking down Main Street and then Matty started walking toward you and his penis accidentally tumbled out of his pants? Then did a strong whoosh of wind pass through, knocking said penis into your vagina? Was it that kind of accident?” I mocked.
“Not exactly like that.” She pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek. “The wind kind of pushed the penis toward my mouth first.”
“OH MY GOSH, FAYE!”
“I know! I know! This is why people shouldn’t go out on windy days. The penises are on rampage on the windy days.”
“I cannot believe you right now. He’s like twice your age.”
“What can I say? I have daddy issues.”
“What are you talking about? Your dad’s amazing,” I said.
“Exactly. No guy our age could ever live up to that! But Matty…” She sighed. “I think I like him.”
That was shocking. Faye never used the word ‘like’ when it came to a guy. She was the biggest womanwhore I’d ever met. “What do you mean you like him?” I asked, my voice soaked with hope that my friend was finally planning on settling down.
“Whoa, slow your roll there, Nicholas Sparks. What I mean is, I like the dick. I even gave it a nickname. Do you want to hear it?”
“For the love of everything good in the world, no.”
“Oh, I’m going to tell you.”
“Faye.” I sighed.
“Fatty Matty,” she said, her wolfish grin growing deep.
“You know what, these kinds of things you don’t have to share with me. Ever. Like, never ever.”
“I’m talking like two bratwursts combined kind of Fatty Matty. It’s almost as if the sausage god is finally listening to my prayers. Remember Pinky Peter, and Unclipped Nick? Well, this is so much better! Fatty Matty is the promised land of sausages.”
“There’s seriously vomit rising up from my gut. So if you would please stop talking.”
She laughed and pulled me closer to her. “Gosh, I missed you. So, what do you say? Should we head to our regular hangout location?”
“Oh, most definitely.”
As we walked for a few blocks, Faye had me laughing each and every moment, and I wondered why I’d stayed away for so long. Maybe a part of me felt guilty knowing that if I stuck around, I would slowly start feeling better, and the idea of feeling better was kind of terrifying to me. But right then laughing felt like exactly what I needed. When I laughed, I didn’t have much time to cry, and I was so tired of the tears.
“It’s kind of weird being here without Emma,” Faye said, sitting on the teeter-totter at the playground. We were surrounded by kids with their parents and nannies, running around and playing while we went up and down on the teeter-totter. One kid stared at us as if we were insane for hanging out at a kids’ playground, but Faye was quick to scream at him, “Never grow up, kid! It’s a goddamn trap!”
She was so ridiculous all the time.
“So, how long has this thing with Matty been going on?” I asked.
She blushed. “I don’t know, like a month. Or two.”
“Two months?”
“Maybe seven. Or eight.”
“Eight?! What? We’ve been talking every day. How has this not come up?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You were going through so much with Steven, you know? And it seemed kind of heartless to talk to you about my sexlationship.” Faye never had relationships, but she was a pro at sexlationships. “My shit was small, yours was…” She frowned and stopped pushing on the teeter-totter, leaving me hanging high in the air. There weren’t many moments when Faye grew serious, but Steven had been like a brother to her. They’d fought and bickered more than any pair of siblings I’d ever met, and they’d cared for one another so much. She’d actually introduced us to one another during college. They’d known each other since the fifth grade and were the best of friends. I hadn’t really seen her eyes grow sad since he’d passed away, but I was almost certain that they did often. I was probably living in my own world of despair, missing the fact that my best friend had also lost her best nonrelated-brother. She cleared her throat, giving me a tight smile. “My shit was small, Liz. Yours wasn’t.”
She pushed up into the air. “Well, I want you to always feel like you can tell me everything, Faye. I want to know all about the wild old man sexcapades you’re having. Plus, there’s nothing about your life that’s small. I mean, for the love of God, look at your boobs.”
She laughed wildly, tossing her head back. When Faye laughed, the whole universe felt her happiness. “I know! These tits are no joke.”
“We should probably get you back to work before you’re fired,” I suggested.
“If he fired me, he would be hiring blue balls into his life.”
“Faye.” I blushed, looking around at all the people staring our way. “You need a filter.”
“Filters are for cigarettes, not for humans, Liz,” she joked. We started walking back toward the café, her arm linked with mine, our footsteps matching each other’s. “I’m happy you’re kind of back, Liz,” Faye whispered, laying her head on my shoulder.