Starting Over(Hart of Seattle)

Chapter Ten



Von woke totally surrounded by a hard male body. Sean’s chin rested on her head. Her head lay on his arm. His body snuggled against her back. His other arm was thrown over her waist and curled between her breasts, holding her close, his muscular leg entangled between hers. There would be no easing out of bed without his knowledge.
The side of her face where Derrick hit her throbbed and she had a mild headache because of it. Her bladder needed to be emptied and she ached in places she didn’t know she had muscles due to the sexual excesses of last night. Yet Von had never been more content or fulfilled than she was at this moment.
The guilt she expected to feel was missing. Instead she felt a connection with Sean that made the love she’d felt for Derrick seem childish in comparison. Pastor Derrick always warned the women to be careful who they joined their bodies with. He said that sex was more than scratching an itch. That when a man and woman engaged in sexual intercourse, along with a physical joining came a spiritual one as well. That’s where the term soul ties came from.
Is this what she was feeling with Sean, a soul tie? She finally understood what the bible meant when it said, “and the two shall become one.” She could feel Sean in the depths of her soul, as though they were no longer two separate beings but one individual.
Her mind argued what she was feeling was wrong. That going straight from Derrick’s arms to Sean’s was too much like her mother, Nookie, going from man to man with barely a break in between. She’d spent most of her life listening to that voice, making decisions on the basis of not wanting to be like her mother.
For the first time, Von took a good look at her life, not through the eyes of the child she’d been, but through the eyes of the woman she’d become.
She was twenty-four, almost twenty-five years old. She’d finished high school without getting pregnant, graduating in the top five of her class. She’d also finished four years of college with honors, earned her degree and had a job in her field of study making good money. She had her own apartment, her own car, and paid her own bills. Granted she’d had help in the beginning, but now she earned enough to have a nice little cushion in savings. She was well respected by family, friends, and colleagues. The only person in her life expecting Von to mess up and become like her mother was Von herself. It was time to stop.
She was no longer Nookies’ poor, little neglected daughter that everyone had to look out for because her momma was too sorry. With the help of God, family and friends, Von had made something of her life. Risen above her welfare and ’hood beginnings. She’d made it the right way. The legal way, she thought with a smile.
And now that she knew the power of sex, the mind-stealing wonder of having a man completely focused upon her, Von could sympathize. When it came down to it, all Nookie really wanted was to be loved. Unfortunately Nookie didn’t realize that to get love and respect she first had to love and respect herself.
What to do about Sean? He claimed to love her and Von believed him. He also said he wanted to marry her. Von wasn’t sure she was ready to put a label on what she felt for him. Simply being with him like this was enough for now. Yes, having a lover outside the bonds of holy matrimony went against her beliefs, but maybe it was time for a new belief system.
Besides, how did she explain to her friends that in the course of one day she’d gone from being engaged to Derrick to being engaged to Sean without making herself look bad in the process?
At least she didn’t have to break her engagement to Derrick. He’d already done the honors last night. She’d be lucky if he didn’t spit in her face when she returned the engagement ring to him. She’d definitely be looking for another church. She shuddered to think what Pastor Derrick Wilkins Senior would say were she to remain. Did they still put scarlet letters on women?
Then there was the fact that Sean was white. While she didn’t care, there were plenty of other people who would. Several of them members of her own family who used the man to excuse their laziness, making no attempt to do something positive and productive with their lives because the man was holding them down. Family gatherings were bound to be fun until the family got used to him.

Of course, there was another option. She could pack up and leave with Sean when he went back to the military. Other than family, there wasn’t much keeping her here in Georgia. With her profession, she could get a job at any military or civilian hospital in the world.
Her musings were interrupted by the sudden urgency in her bladder. Behind her Sean slept like only the truly exhausted can. She raised her head and instantly his arm across her chest tightened.
“Where are you going?”
“To the bathroom. Go back to sleep.”
“Don’t be gone too long,” he mumbled as his arm loosened.
As soon as she left the bed, he pulled her pillow closer and fell back asleep. A tender smile filled Von’s face.
Von pulled on the floor length caftan she used as a robe and left the bedroom. Sticky, sore and not the least bit sleepy, she decided that a bath was her next priority. The hot water would ease the tenderness and hopefully help with the headache. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her she’d skipped dinner last night and what she’d nibbled on for lunch yesterday was long gone. Toilet, tub, and kitchen, in that order.
Forty-five minutes later, Von, cleaned and refreshed, stood in the open door of her refrigerator trying to decide what to eat. She pulled out the egg carton, figuring she’d surprise Sean with breakfast—a glance at the clock on the stove—make that brunch, in bed. Now the question was, did she fix him eggs, bacon and grits, a southern staple? Or French toast, sausage and bacon? Remembering Sean’s size, she decided on the latter.
Three hard knocks sounded at the front door. Must be Marketta returning to check on her. Which reminded Von, she hadn’t checked her phone this morning to see if she had any messages. Nor had she charged it. The thing was probably dead now. Sighing, Von braced herself for another of her cousin’s lectures.
She swung open the door without looking through the peephole. “Derrick!”
“May I come in?”
He stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking as humble as she’d ever seen him.
“Uh, yeah.” After a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure her bedroom door was closed, she stepped back to allow him inside.
“Why aren’t you at church? I thought you had to preach this morning.” Then she caught a good look at Derrick’s face. It appeared worse than hers. She quietly closed the door then turned to face him. He stood in the living room near the couch. “Did Sean do that?” With a finger, she indicated his face.
“Yeah. His is worse.”
No, Sean’s wasn’t but she wasn’t about to dispute Derrick’s claim. He might want to know how she knew. She crossed her hands over her chest, very aware of her nakedness underneath the African print caftan she’d slipped on after her bath and the stilted awkwardness between the two of them.
“Why are you here, Derrick?”
“I wanted to talk.”
“So talk,” she told him.
“Can we sit?”
“I’ll stand.” Von made no effort to leave her position by the door.
Derrick shifted his stance, bringing his right hand out of his pocket to cup the nape of his neck as he looked at the floor. Finally he raised his head and pinned her with a neutral look. “I came to say that I forgive you for what happened. I love you and I still want to marry you, in spite of it.”
“What ‘it’ are you referring to?” Von asked in a carefully measured voice.
A flicker of annoyance crossed his face before it was neutralized. “You know, you and Sean.”
“I see.” And she did, painfully so. “So let me get this straight. You’re not here to apologize for hitting me, giving me this black eye?”
He glanced at the purple, yellow, and red bruising surrounding her eye. He shrugged his shoulders and looked past her. “Maybe I could have handled it better, but really, what did you expect me to do? You came to my house, dressed like a hooker, and then I found you...and him...”
“F*cking in your dining room?” she finished for him, enjoying the way Derrick flinched at her vulgarity.
“Yeah, that,” he bit out.
Von sighed wearily, the little bit of joy she got from her meanness quickly fading. It simply wasn’t in her nature to be nasty. “What happened to us, Derrick?” she asked softly. “Where did we go wrong?”
“What happened to us? You can ask me that after what you did. You didn’t even know the man. How could you throw yourself at Sean like that?” The question seemed to burst out of him.
Von rested her back against the door. “Actually, I’ve known Cougar for almost as long as you. You see, we’ve been corresponding via emails and letters since you introduced us during basic training. Ironic, isn’t it, that I have you to thank for bringing us together?”
He glared at her. “What’s wrong with you? You’re not acting like yourself.”
“Again I must thank you for knocking sense into me. You say you love me but I’ve finally come to realize that you don’t know the meaning of the word. What you want, Derrick, is to control me. I’ve tried talking to you on numerous occasions about how I feel and you brushed me aside each time. Unless it was about you–your needs, your wants—it wasn’t important. Well, I’m through playing by your rules. I don’t want any part of your idea of love, or your idea of marriage. Sean did us both a favor by coming here. He’s shown me what real love means.”
“What the hell do you mean by that? Is he here?” Derrick glanced at her closed bedroom door.
She shook her head. Typical Derrick. She said all of that and all that concerned him was if Sean was in her bed. That jealous, competitive nature of his coming to the forefront. Von was beginning to wonder what she’d ever seen in Derrick.
“Don’t lie to me. He is, isn’t he? That bastard came over here last night and you welcomed him with open arms.”
“And legs,” Von goaded. “Let’s not forget that part.”
Derrick’s face flushed and he came toward her, hand raised. “You slut!”
“Slow your roll, Bro. You hit me again and I’ll show you Nookie’s daughter, the one that grew up in the ‘hood protecting herself.” Von didn’t flinch, nor did she cower. Instead she balanced on the balls of her feet, prepared to defend herself.
He stopped suddenly and slowly lowered his hand to his side. “I don’t know you like this. A proper wife would—”
“Become your punching bag anytime you disagreed with her? I don’t think so.” She watched him as she would a snake that was coiled and ready to strike.
He took another determined step forward, fist clenched by his side. Von tensed, bringing both hands up in a classic boxing stance. Derrick halted.
“No more,” she told him in a strong, commanding voice. “No more telling me what to do, or when and how to do it. I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions. If I want to wear makeup, I will. If I want sugar-loaded drinks late at night, I’ll have them. I’ll continue to work the job I love, no matter how you feel about it because it’s my job, my life. And if I want to have sex with Sean, a man who loves and desires me, I will and I won’t feel guilty about it because I’ve discovered that I love him, too.”
“While I’m glad to hear you finally admit that you love me, I wish you’d have told me first, and not him.”
Both Von and Derrick swung toward the bedroom door where Sean stood leaning against the door jab, looking rumpled and sexy wearing only his pants with the top button undone. Despite his relaxed pose, Von could feel the angry tension in him. One wrong move on Derrick’s part and Sean would spring.

“I can’t believe you betrayed me like this after I saved your life,” Derrick muttered angrily.
Sean arched an eyebrow. “Well, now, I reckon we’re even—or am I ahead?—since I didn’t kill you yesterday when you hit my woman, and you’re still breathing now after threatening her again.”
“Your woman?” Derrick snarled.
“Yeah, mine. Thank you for giving her to me. I would have taken her from you anyway, after seeing the way you treated her, but your stupidity made it easy,” Sean drawled.
Von held her breath. The tension was so great, she was afraid any movement would cause it to explode and the two would be at each other’s throats—again.
Derrick glanced angrily back and forth between the two of them. “You two deserve each other. Backstabbers. I hope you both burn in hell. Give me my ring back,” he demanded of Von.
“Here, catch,” Sean told him. When Derrick glanced in his direction, he tossed the engagement ring. “We don’t need yours. I plan on buying Von a better one today. Now that you have what you came for, feel free to leave.”
As Derrick fumbled with and scrambled to retrieve his ring from the floor, Von opened the door and moved out of the way. She wouldn’t put it past Derrick to try something.
Derrick took one last look at the two of them and then stormed out of the apartment. Von closed and locked the door behind him, then sank onto the carpet, still clutching the doorknob, her knees too weak to support her.
“Hey, are you all right?” In seconds, Sean was by her side, cupping her face. “You’re trembling.”
She leaned into his hand. “Just shaken. I’ve never stood up to him like that before.”
“Well, it’s about damn time you did.”
“I’m not weak, you know. I just hate confrontations,” she defended herself.
“Hey!” He lifted her chin and stared into her eyes. “I never said or thought for one moment that you were weak. You are a pleaser by nature, and when you love, you love with your whole heart. There’s nothing wrong with that. Derrick simply took advantage of your generous nature.”
Von closed her eyes and nodded, not sure she agreed with his assessment but willing to give herself the benefit of the doubt. God knows she’d beat up on herself enough lately. Maybe it was time to give herself a break.
“I thought you were asleep. How much did you hear?”
“I’ve been awake since you left the room. I thought I told you not to be gone long?”
His disgruntled tone made her smile. “I got distracted.”
“Well, I was horny,” he complained.
“Poor baby. You didn’t get enough last night?” She reached out and cupped the bulge in his pants. “How about we take care of your little problem now?”
“It’s not little and I’m no longer in the mood,” he huffed in a snooty voice, turning his head away. Then he slanted his eyes, looking at her from out their corner. “Of course, I could be with a little effort on your part.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Goofball.” Von shoved at his shoulders and rose to her feet. “I’m going into the kitchen to cook breakfast.”
Sean caught her by the hips and buried his face in her mound, his breath hot on her * through the thin material. “I know what I want to eat.”
“Sean...” she said warningly.
“I’m hungry. Feed me, woman.” He gripped the caftan and began raising the hem.
Von slapped at his hands. “Quit, you crazy man! I need sustenance. A body can’t live on love alone,” she told him in her grandmother’s voice.
“Really? Let’s see.” He rose and tossed her over his shoulder, carrying her rapidly back to the bedroom.
Von laughed, needing this light-hearted moment after the stress of her confrontation with Derrick. Sean flipped her onto the mattress and came down on top of her.
She circled his neck with her arms. “You know, if I don’t eat I’ll waste away.”
“Mmm, can’t have that.” He gazed at her cunningly. “Tell you what. You satisfy my hunger,” he glanced meaningfully at her prone body and rubbed his now erect cock against her mound, “and afterwards, I’ll take you to any restaurant of your choosing and feed yours. Deal?”
She smiled. “Deal.”
“Good. Now let’s get rid of this.” As he struggled to get the caftan off her, he grumbled, “Woman, what is it with you and night clothes that swallow you whole?”
Von was laughing too hard to answer.