“You don’t think I could be…” my voice trailed off as I asked, still trying to mentally calculate if it was possible.
“You two fuck like rabbits, and I know you aren’t on the pill. So yes. It’s possible. I had this spare test, been trying to get Doc to knock me up for weeks and it hasn’t happened yet.” She grabbed the box and tore open one end, pulling out a long plastic package and handing it to me. “Lock the door, I don’t think you want Jameson coming in for this one,” she chuckled. “It says to pee on it for seven seconds and then we wait two minutes. If it’s a plus you’re preggo, if it’s a negative you’re not,” she explained in a low voice.
I made my way back to her slowly, eyeing the test stick in her hand as she held it out to me. I was afraid to touch it, like it would burn my hand if I did. I peeled back the plastic and examined the result window and the plastic cap covering the inch of cloth that I was supposed to pee on. Johanna stood and made her way to the door, “Don’t leave. I don’t think I can do this by myself,” I said to her and she stopped just short of the door.
“You want me to hold it while you pee or something?” she joked.
“No, but I want you to pick me up off the floor if I pass out.”
She hopped up on the counter as I proceeded to follow the directions on the box. When I was pretty sure I had hit the target, I put the plastic cap back on and carefully set it onto the paper towel that Johanna had laid out on the counter. I cleaned myself and flushed the toilet for what felt like the fiftieth time tonight before making my way over to the test strip. “I don’t think it’s been long enough.” Johanna was now standing directly beside me as we hovered over to see what the results would be.
We waited, and waited, and waited a little longer, “This is the longest two minutes of my life.” But as soon as I said that, the result window began to fill in with color. First was a small window and then it started moving over toward the larger window and I closed my eyes. I heard Johanna let out a slight gasp and I knew immediately what it said. My heart fluttered and for a second I thought I might get sick again. I’d been in Ireland with Jameson for four months and I was pregnant.
I felt the tears running from my eyes as I opened them back up and looked over at Johanna who was beaming at me. Her black curly hair was sticking out in every direction as she wrapped her arms around me. “You’re gonna be a mum!” I could hear the excitement in her voice as she whispered to me.
I was pregnant.
I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready for that, but that didn’t matter anymore because like it or not, it was happening. I felt the room spin and I grabbed ahold of the counter when the handle to the bathroom jiggled. I looked up at Johanna in panic, quickly she wrapped the test up and threw it under the counter and made her way over to the door and unlocked it. As she opened it I could feel a whole new flood of emotions coming over me and I couldn’t control the tears that were now flowing down my face. I tried to hold it together as Jameson came into view, but it was no use.
“Christ, Johanna, what did you do to her?” He made his way to me quickly, checking over me to make sure I wasn’t hurt and my stomach turned once more. “You ok, love?”
“Yes,” I lied, looking up at his beautiful eyes before they blurred behind more tears. He wrapped me in his arms and panic sank in further. What was Jameson going to say about all of this? I tried to take a deep breath to calm my nerves, but found myself rushing back to the toilet to keep from getting sick on the floor.
“I’m gonna go get, Doc,” Jameson said, and I could hear Johanna trying to deter him in the doorway. “What is going on? Something is wrong with her and I don’t like it,” his voice was stern as he tried to keep from getting loud with Johanna.
“She’s ok. Just trust me. Can you do that?” Johanna asked, her voice was soothing and the sudden silence made my stomach turn once more.
“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here,” Jameson was at my side, kneeling on the floor as I cried into the toilet. I can’t say it was my best moment, but it was then that I knew truly how much Jameson loved me. He knew without me having to say it, and he could reassure me of my worries without me having to tell him what they were.
After I got cleaned up, again, Jameson carried me into the bedroom; the rays of the morning sun were just starting to peek through the curtains. He laid me on the bed and covered me with the blanket and gently slid in next to, trying his hardest not to shake the bed. He brushed the hair from my face and looked into my eyes, a faint smile on his face as his hand skimmed down to my stomach and rested there for a moment. I could feel the tears that were burning at the corner of my eyes and I tried to blink them away. “Are you…” his voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words to say. “Did we?”