Ruin: Part One

Chapter 3




"You can stay here as long as you want." Alexa reaches to hand me a trio of soft, white towels. "You can use these to have a shower now, and then you'll always find some in the cabinet in your bathroom."

I'm grateful for the hospitality, but more than that I welcome the literal and figurative embrace she's given me since I walked through her door fifteen minutes ago. She wasn't expecting me. Her face was a twisted mix of joy and confusion when I stepped off the elevator and into her arms. Alexa Jackson is one of my closest friends. She knows my heart. She understands the sacrifices I made when I left New York three months ago to go back to Boston.

"Where's Noah?" I ask, not necessarily out of curiosity, as much as greed. I want her all to myself for the day. It's Tuesday, which means she'd normally be at school, teaching her young students about history and science, but it's spring break so her time is mine.

Her face softens. "He's got a few shoots today and then he's meeting his father for a late lunch."

I sigh in relief. Alexa's fiancé is an in demand photographer. Although his core business is now centered on children and infants, he does an occasional spread in a magazine. He's talented, accomplished and very eccentric. My time with him has been limited up to this point but now that I've taken over their guest room, I'll be seeing a lot more of him.

"Do you want to talk about Parker?" The effortless ease with which she says his name tears through me. I haven't been able to utter his name since he walked out of our apartment. I've avoided every image or reminder of him.

I lower myself to the edge of the queen sized bed I'll be calling my refuge until I can sort through my life. "There's not much to talk about."


She settles next to me, her hand reaching for mine. She cradles it gently in her lap. "Is it over?"

I hear the words clearly. I don't react. I just stare at her hand and the large diamond ring that is catching the natural sunlight streaming through the window. She's going to plan her wedding soon. She'll marry the man of her dreams and her life will start on its course towards a happily-ever-after that she rightly deserves. I deserve it too though and now I have to confess that my prince charming pulled the rug out from under me without any warning.

"Did you have a fight?" she presses.

I can't blame her for wanting to know. The last time we spoke was barely more than a week ago when I told her of my plans to visit New York with Parker in tow. I wanted to hold his hand in Central Park and feel his lips brush against mine while we soaked in the view atop the Empire State Building. I wanted his body to give me pleasure in a bed in a decadent hotel on the Upper West Side. I wanted to experience life with him.

I squeeze her hand slightly drawing strength from the familiar touch. "Parker left me." The words float off my tongue and into the stillness of the mid-morning air. "He left me, Alexa."

Her eyes dart to my face and I watch as they race over my features. "No, Kayla. He wouldn’t do that."

"He did," I bite back in a tone that speaks of the pain. It's the same overwhelming pain that I've been carrying within me for the past week. "He's gone."

"What happened?"

I draw in a quick breath hoping that it will offer some inspiration. "I don't know. He just said he wasn't happy."

"He wasn’t happy with you?"

I nod. I'd replayed Parker's words over and over in my mind since he told me he wanted to find himself and his own happiness. The words were a poorly crafted excuse for him to start fresh without me. They stung just as much as if he would have told me he stopped loving me.

"He begged you to come back to him a few months ago." She holds my hand tighter, squeezing it more. "You left everything here to go be with him."

"I know." I swallow hard. "He told me he couldn't live without me."

Those were the exact words that Parker had muttered through the phone when he'd called me just a few months ago while I was just settling into my life in Manhattan. We'd broken up time and time again after meeting in high school. My heart always knew that we'd find our way back to one another and when he finally called that wintery evening to profess his unwavering devotion, I had packed up everything to be with him. Now, only twelve short weeks later, he was gone and I was back in New York.

"Maybe he was just panicked because he loves you so much."

They're words meant to placate women with broken hearts. The idea behind them is romantic and charming and conjures up an image of a man so overwrought with the knowledge that his heart belongs to a certain woman that he can't bear it. It's not a notion that is seated in any kind of reality. Parker didn't leave me because he loves me. He left me because he's a worthless piece of shit and is too immature to be honest about his feelings.

"It's over, Lex." I pull my hand from hers. "I'm going to put it behind me."

The skepticism floating over her expression isn't masked at all. "You can't just shut off your feelings like that."

She's right. I can't. I can decide to push them aside while I rebuild my life. That needs to be my sole focus right now. If I give in to the overwhelming pain I feel over Parker pushing my life into freefall mode, I'll be paralyzed. I'll hide within myself and I won't move forward. I'm not about to give him that much control over me.

"I need to find a job and a place." A change of subject never hurt anyone. In my case, it may actually dull the pain of talking about Parker.

"You know what they say about break ups, right?" She tilts her head to the side as she pulls a hand through her long blond hair.

"Oh, God." I can't help but chuckle. "Just tell me."

"They say…" she begins before pulling her arm around my shoulder. "They say that you need to date again right away to forget the old love."

"Date?" I shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm dating anytime soon.

"Or f*ck," she says with a giggle. "You should find a guy to sleep with. It needs to be someone really hot. If you do that you'll forget about Parker like that." She pulls her fingers together in a snap.

I should tell her. I should tell her about Ben but I stop myself before the words reach my tongue. I want Ben to my secret. I want to hold onto the feeling of being wanted in such a primitive way. I want to hold it close. I want the memory to be mine and only mine.