Operation Endurance

CHAPTER 2

Chris Robertson looked down into Julie’s upturned face and a shudder of desire travelled down his spine. He was the luckiest bastard alive to have her here with him. She smiled at him with a look that could be described as nothing short of pure mischief. God, he loved to see her with that look. To finally see her without the ever-present grief shadowing her eyes was enough to make his cock twitch and swell with interest. She was so damn beautiful. How did he get so lucky to have her kneeling before him now?

The white lace corset with black ribbons crisscrossing up the sides showed off the perfect amount of her mounding breasts. She knelt in front of his standing position and he could see the full length of her, from those f*ck-me high heels to her matching lace thong with a bow at the top of her incredible ass. He reached for her, but she shook her head at him and warned, her voice laced with arousal and desire, “No hands or else I won’t take care of that for you.”

They both looked to where his naked cock stood at full attention against his abdomen. The moist heat of her breath raced across his most sensitive skin. She was so close. He wanted to arch his hips, but knew that would just give her an excuse to prolong her torture of him.

Instead he begged, “Please, Butterfly.”

She looked up at him with a single eyebrow raised as if to question his desperation.

“I need you to….” His lowered voice stuttered to a halt as her soft, warm lips engulfed him. He moaned at the ecstasy of the wet heat of her mouth. It had been so long since a woman touched him and to know this time that it was Julie. This was pure heaven.

A voice straight out of his nightmares spoke, filled with hatred and menace, “I can make sure you never f*ck again.”

Chris’s eyes flew open and straight into the black evil eyes of the man who’d tortured him for months. He scrambled back to get away from the molten hot poker, but couldn’t move. Suddenly he was chained down to that chair, naked in that god-awful hovel in Colombia. He tensed waiting for the blinding heat and pain he knew was coming next. Not again. Please not again.

Instead he awoke, tangled in his sheets, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.

F*ck.

He sat up and looked over at the clock while he rubbed his left knee.

3:48 AM.

He’d gotten more sleep than normal. This time he slept for a solid 2 ½ hours before the nightmares woke him.

He ran his hands through his hair and propped his elbows on his knees as he looked down at his flaccid cock. The dreams always seemed so real, both the ecstasy and the agony of them. Unfortunately, agony always followed the ecstasy so he never knew if the phantom pleasure was real or not. From all the physical signs, he really wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that.

But focusing on his damaged cock wasn’t going to change anything. He got up and threw on some running shorts and an old ragged t-shirt. He’d come off the crutches a couple of weeks before and was working his damnedest to get back in shape for Mad Rob, the government contracting flight company and jump school he started with his brother, Colton, and their friend, Jake. He still felt the lingering repercussions of the months of torture on his body, but he was getting better. Every day he was physically stronger.

After one too many sleepless nights, he learned that it helped to exorcise his nightly demons by exercising. He was tying his shoes when he heard the whisper of Cassie’s movement down the hall.

As his twin, she always knew when the nightmares hit him. He knew she’d seen visions of him while he’d been imprisoned. He only hoped that she was just getting impressions of his nightmares now and not actually sharing the full reality of them. Honestly, he’d been too afraid to ask, not sure if he really wanted to know the truth of how much she was seeing into his completely f*cked-up psyche.

She just looked at him as they met quietly at the front door. He could see the concern in her eyes, but he didn’t want to talk about it. She joined him as he took off jogging down the sidewalk. Cassie ran an average of eight to ten miles every day, but he wasn’t up for that kind of pace yet. As it was, he could already feel the tendrils of pain ricocheting up and down his leg. She loped in beside him, simply giving him company and the comfort of her presence as he decompressed from the images in his nightmares.

As they ran, he grimaced at the sound of his lungs already sucking in wind. It was going to take forever for him to get to his pre-captivity level of health. Back then, it would take five miles before his heart rate even started to rise.

He looked over at Cassie in the glow of the streetlights. They hadn’t said a word to one another yet and she still looked half asleep.

“Jake is going to be happy when I move out so you’ll stay in bed until a decent hour again,” he gasped out. Jake was her fiancé and his best friend. Their wedding was in two weeks.

Cassie, damn her, wasn’t even breathing hard as she laughed. “Jake likes it when I leave early. You should see him roll over and immediately cover the whole bed. It’s enough to make a girl feel really unwelcome.”

He smiled at the thought. “I don’t think you have an issue there. I can’t imagine Jake ever not wanting you in his bed. You have the guy completely wrapped around your little finger.”

She smiled softly. “That goes both ways.”

His heart wrenched. He was happy for them. He really was. How many guys were lucky enough to have their best friend marry their sister, but it left him feeling like a third wheel.

And it looked less and less likely that he’d ever find the same thing. A part of him mourned the loss of his own future family he’d once dreamed about…but that was before being held captive by a madman for six months. He’d just have to be the best uncle ever to both his siblings’ future kids.

Cassie interrupted his depressing mental reverie. “Are you sure you want to move out? You won’t have a running partner anymore starting tomorrow.”

“You mean I can’t come over and drag you out of bed at oh-dark-thirty again tomorrow?”

“Actually I wish you would, just so I’m sure I’ll fit in my wedding dress. But I don’t think you will, will you?”

“Cass, it’s time for me to stand on my own two feet and deal with this shit by myself. You’re already too caught up in it as it is. There are times I hate how in tune we are and that you get all that garbage in your head, too.”

She grabbed his arm and yanked him to a stop so she could face him. He bent over gasping for air while she looked like they’d just been for a stroll.

“I’m not. My connection to you is one of the best things about my life. I don’t want to hear you talk crap about it. Yes, right now there’s some not so fun stuff happening in your head, but it’s happening mainly to you. I just barely get a taste of the god-awful things going on in there.”

Her forehead creased with concern and the compassion showing through her eyes shattered him.

“I hate that. I hate that it’s happened and continues to torture you. I hate that I can’t make it stop. I hate that I can’t take the pain away. But I love you and I want to be here for you. If our connection makes it easier to understand what you’re going through then, hell yes, I’m thankful for it.”

She trembled with the force of her emotion.

He pulled her in for a quick hug, thankful she was in his corner. “Okay, calm down, Rambo. I didn’t mean to get you so worked up. I’m fine. Come on let’s finish our run. I still have a few more boxes to pack.”



* * *



Julie washed her hands and looked down at the flour-covered piece of marble. Her sight blurred as tears filled her eyes. Only 4:46 AM and already crying again. She blew out a frustrated sigh, getting angry with herself. She needed to suck it up.

Aaron had bought her this huge marble piece for her bread-making. He used to love it when she was in the kitchen cooking. He would come in and wrap his strong arms around her waist, saying that since her hands were busy, he was free to take advantage. In his world, her cooking was a win-win for him. Would he have resented the fact she was making bread for another man?

She shook her head, angry with herself for starting the day off on a sad note…again. Of course he wouldn’t. She was being an idiot. Aaron had been too nice a guy. He would have pushed her to get on with her life. He never would have been bothered by the fact that she was using his gift to make food for another guy.

Aaron never knew that when they met, she’d been mourning Chris’s death. A death that didn’t actually happen. They didn’t find out Chris was still alive until six months later and by then, she was already committed to dating Aaron.

And now Aaron was the one dead, murdered by a sniper’s bullet simply because he knew her and her friends. He’d gotten caught up in a Mexican Mafia vendetta against her friend, Penelope.

The guilt crippled her. Aaron had deserved so much better. He’d been such an incredible guy. The tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she wrapped her hands protectively around her middle. So much guilt. Guilt over Aaron. And now Chris was moving next door and she was using Aaron’s beautiful piece of marble to make Chris a welcome to the neighborhood gift.

It was all so wrong. But she knew Aaron wouldn’t appreciate her wallowing like this. She was stronger than this and she shouldn’t dishonor his memory by letting her mix of grief and guilt win. He’d died over a month ago. It was time for the waterworks to stop. Starting now. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and stood up, pushing her shoulders back.

She had Cassie’s wedding details to finalize, a breakfast to make, patients who needed her, and students to teach. Her life was full and there was plenty to keep her busy. She was strong and could do this. One step at a time. One day at a time.

She read over her chocolate babka recipe as she worked to flatten the dough and then glanced at the clock. It would still be warm when Chris and their friends arrived to start moving him into the townhouse next door.

Living next door to Chris… She glanced back out her kitchen window to Chris’s new front door. The sun was just starting to light up the sky. Was she going to be able to maintain her distance from him? It had been so hard since he came back, so wounded, so hurt. She wanted nothing more than to be able to wrap her arms around him, but she’d been with Aaron. And Chris had made it more than apparent that he wanted her to maintain her distance. Now, given their history and his impending proximity, distance was an impossibility. But where did this leave them? She still wanted to wrap him in her arms, but she’d given up that right when she’d accepted his death the year before. Another man for which she felt entirely too much guilt over.



* * *



Moving day. It was past time for him to move out of Cassie’s house. Chris lifted the last box into the moving truck, wondering for the fiftieth time that morning if this was a huge mistake. Could he live next door to Julie? Of course the answer was yes. There was nothing to stop him, especially since he’d already signed the lease and had the keys to the townhouse in his pocket. But was it really a good idea?

There was no doubt Julie wasn’t in a good place in her head right now, the dark circles under her eyes became more pronounced daily as her clothes became baggier. But would his move make that better or worse? All their friends could see nothing but positive things about him moving in to watch over her. They all knew she was drowning under her grief from Aaron’s death. But they didn’t know about the history between the two of them, and he feared this might risk her mental state even more.

No one knew what happened that Valentine’s Day weekend fourteen months ago and both he and Julie had carefully avoided discussing it since he’d been back. That was better though. There was no repairing the damage done by his broken promise. He’d promised he’d come back healthy and safe. That didn’t happen. They were both very different people now than they’d been then. They could only move forward and that meant helping Julie to heal.

Chris squinted into the sun. Damn, only April 25th and it was already too damn hot in the West Texas sun. He rubbed his left knee to ease the ache. He probably shouldn’t have run this morning, as this day was shaping up to be a hard test for the newly re-formed knee. Made up of more steel plates, screws and rods now than original body parts, this knee probably qualified for bionic status. Too bad it didn’t feel that way.

“You’re barely off those crutches. Why don’t you let Jake and I handle the rest of the carrying for the day?” His older brother, Colton, stepped around him in his usual take-charge manner.

Chris tried to curb the irritation that came from dealing with Colton’s attitude. The two of them had come a long way, but his heavy-handedness with Chris still chafed. “I’ll be fine. I talked to my physical therapist earlier in the week and told her I was moving. She said the knee was strong enough to handle the extra stress. Don’t worry, Colt. I have no intention of doing something that will land me back on crutches. I never want to see those things again.”

Colton struggled to keep his mouth shut and Chris had to work to hide his smile. Colt’s girlfriend, Penelope, was good for him. Any given day, Colton was incredibly bossy and overbearing, but now he’d physically bite his tongue when he knew he was about to overstep. The guy would be lucky if he had a tongue left after ten years of marriage to her.

But from what he’d seen of the two of them together, Penelope wanted to keep Colton’s tongue in good shape. Their public displays of affection were damn distracting. These days it seemed like everyone in his family was getting some but him, which brought him right back to Julie again.

She’d been the last girl he kissed. The last one he made love to before that fated deployment. She seemed so damaged now. He wanted to pull her into his arms and protect her.

He was worried about her. They all were. Julie was the quiet one and didn’t share much with any of them, but they could all see her struggle and it was becoming more and more painful to watch. When the townhouse next door to hers had opened up at the exact same time he was looking to find a new place to live, their group of friends thought it was a perfect twist of fate. Someone needed to be near her to make sure she didn’t sink into that dark place where they could all see she was headed. He was the natural one to do so.

Cassie and Jake emerged from the house, carrying his grandfather’s prized leather recliner between them. They all loved that chair and the security it represented, but had decided long ago that Cassie should be the one to keep it since she lived in their grandfather’s house. He looked at Cassie questioningly while he ran over to relieve her of her side of the chair, but by doing so, he halted the forward momentum of it to the truck.

“Why are you carrying this to the moving truck?”

She shrugged like it was no big deal, but he knew better. The two of them were six and Colton was ten when their parents died in a plane crash and they moved in with their grandfather. They never knew him before that point, but the twins managed to bond with their grandfather through this chair. He’d spent many hours reading to them in it and this chair was still Cassie’s favorite place to curl up and read in her bedroom.

“Since Jake moved in, we have too much furniture. Unfortunately, you don’t have much after last year. You need it more than I do now.”

“Cass, I can’t—”

She shook her head. “Yes, you can and will. This chair has good karma and you need that in your new place. Consider it your housewarming gift from me.”

He searched her eyes and could see her sincerity. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Thanks, Cass.”

“Holding a chair here and it’s much heavier than it looks. Less loving, more moving.” Jake sounded annoyed.

He smirked at Jake, although he could secretly admit he was feeling the weight of it, too. “Are you already worn out, old man? We’ve hardly even started.”

“Bite me!”

“Aw man, you’ve totally got the wrong twin for that one. I know I’m irresistible and all, but you’re gonna break Cass’s heart.” He smiled at Cassie and she just rolled her eyes at him. “Besides, it would never work out for us. She’s already bought her dress and she’d never let either of us hear the end of it if she had to return it now.”

They’d started to make some forward momentum again, but now Cassie stepped in front of Jake, halting progress. She pressed her hand against his chest and looked at Jake with sultry eyes.

Chris didn’t need to see this. He rolled his eyes.

Her voice was low when she said, “And believe me, you really want to see that dress.”

“You know I’m counting the days, darling.” Jake dipped his head to nuzzle on Cassie’s neck where her long red hair was pulled up in a ponytail, jostling the chair they held at the same time.

Chris tried to ignore the spasms of pain radiating out from his knee, while he waited for Jake and Cassie to stop cuddling. Damn, it was going to be a long day.



* * *



Julie heard the moving van pull up out front and she quickly closed the top of the coffee carafe. She walked out her front door which was actually on the side of her house, facing Chris’s front door. The townhouses were more like apartments in that way. As she pulled it closed behind her, Jake and Cassie hopped out of the cab of the moving truck while Chris and Colton pulled his truck up behind it.

Her glance lingered over Chris. He already looked worn out. While he definitely looked better and had begun to bulk back up to his former muscular frame, there was no hiding the fact he wasn’t sleeping. The dark circles under his eyes screamed his exhaustion. He wouldn’t appreciate her observance though so she turned her gaze to the rest of the group.

She smiled at them in greeting. “Good morning, everyone. I hope it’s okay, but I set up breakfast in my dining room if you need caffeine or sustenance before all that work.” She nodded her head at the trucks behind them.

“Okay?” Cassie asked as she smirked at Julie. “Have you ever known these guys to turn down food?”

Julie smiled back. “That’s kind of what I was counting on.”

“Caffeine? Does that mean coffee?” Jake looked at her hopefully. She nodded and started them back over to her town house.

“Coffee and food. The chocolate babka just came out of the oven.” She led them into her house.

Colton and Chris moaned in unison. Chris asked, “Is that the same chocolate babka you made for New Year’s Day?”

She forced a smile, wishing she could just act normally around him for a change. He’d just been out of the hospital for about a week when she’d made the babka and he still hadn’t had much of an appetite. He ate three servings of it that day. It was such a little thing, but it had been the first interest he’d shown in anything and the first glimmer toward recovery for him. Knowing how much he liked it was the main reason she’d made it today. “It is. I thought it would make a good welcome to the neighborhood breakfast.”

“Thanks for this Julie. You really did way too much, but I appreciate it.” Chris spread his hands out over the over-the-top spread of food and drinks on the table. Like her, he seemed to have issues meeting her eyes. This awkwardness sucked.

Colton looked at Chris. “I think I moved in with the wrong friend. If she does this for you often, I may just have to move in with you.”

They all laughed, but it was Chris who said what they were all thinking. “Like you would ever give up what you have with Penelope.”

Colton just gave the self-satisfied smile of a guy in love.

Julie asked, “Where is Pen today? Is she at the bookstore?” Penelope owned and ran a bookstore near the University. She also taught yoga and wrote erotic romance on the side. She was constantly busy working on one of her many projects. Just a few weeks ago, she’d almost died at the hands of the same guys who killed Aaron. It wasn’t often that Colton let her out of his sight if he could help it.

“Yeah,” Colton said. “She needed to put in a few hours this morning since it’s Saturday and you all have wedding stuff going on this afternoon. She didn’t want to abandon the store completely today.”

That reminded her. Julie went over to the table by the phone, grabbed her binder, and turned to Cassie. “I got an email from the caterer. They were wondering if you’d like to come by and sample a couple of different dishes for the reception.”

Cassie frowned down at Julie’s binder and grabbed Jake’s arm. “Jake, she pulled out the notebook. Every time she pulls out the notebook I have to make another decision. Can’t we elope?” she whined.

Julie rolled her eyes at Cassie’s theatrics. “Stop whining, you baby. It’s only for another couple of weeks and it’s going to be a perfect day. Remember your dress and think about Jake standing at the end of that aisle waiting for you.”

Cassie’s face transitioned from worry to bliss as she looked over at Jake. She gave him a slow kiss and then said, “Yeah that will make it all worth it.”

“You just had to get them going again, didn’t you?” Chris whined to Julie.

Cassie and Jake cuddled for a moment. Both her brothers looked mildly disgusted. For Julie, it just made her feel incredibly sad again. She was happy for Cassie and Jake, but watching them just seemed to drive home her guilt and sorrow. Gah, it was time to get back to her lists.

“So anyway, can you meet with them Monday afternoon,” she looked down at her notes, “say around 4:00?”

Cassie reluctantly drew her gaze from Jake. “Sure that should work. My last class that day ends at 3:00.” She was a military history professor at Texas Tech.

“Okay, I’ll let them know. And don’t forget, we have our fittings this afternoon at 2:30.”

“No problem,” Cassie agreed. “At least that will be the case if we get to work. Come on guys, eat and drink up. The day’s a wasting and we have a couple of trucks to unload.”



* * *



Julie and Penelope sat on a small velvet settee sipping champagne while waiting for Cassie to emerge from the dressing room in her wedding dress. Julie checked things off her lists while Penelope glanced around the quiet store.

“I think Colton and I are going to elope,” Penelope said.

Julie looked up from her notebook, her mouth gaping open. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, that’s what we’ve been talking about. If we did a traditional wedding my mom would take it over and turn it into an event. We thought we’d just grab the gang and head out to Vegas on the Mad Rob jet.”

“You make it sound like it’s already a done deal.”

Penelope wrinkled her forehead as she looked at the binder in Julie’s hands with concern. “Yeah, it pretty much is. I know you like to plan ahead so you probably should mark it on your calendar. June 19-21st. The wedding will actually be June 20th.”

This seemed awfully fast. Julie glanced suspiciously at Penelope’s untouched champagne. “Wait a minute, you aren’t…”

Penelope looked up at her with stricken eyes. “Damn,” she muttered. “I wasn’t supposed to let anyone know yet. Colton’s going to kill me.”

Julie sucked in a shocked breath and let it flow over her like a physical blow. Breathe. Just breathe. Don’t think about Nugget. Don’t think about all she’d lost. Not now.

She knew this was going to happen to one of her friends eventually. She just wasn’t prepared for it to happen to Penelope, who’d never even wanted kids or a husband. She forced a strained smile for Penelope’s sake. “Congratulations, Pen.”

“Shh, thanks, but we aren’t telling anyone yet.” Penelope beamed at her. “We didn’t want to wait since both Colt and I want kids, but we don’t want this to overshadow Cassie and Jake’s wedding day. Don’t mention it to Chris or Cassie. Colton wants to be the one to tell them.”

Julie sat there, stunned. How did this happen in such a short amount of time? Within the next month and a half, both her best friends would be happily married and she’d be alone. She was happy for them. Really she was, but it just left her feeling like her life was spinning out of control…again. She searched in her purse for a fresh notepad and started scribbling furiously, the new list involving things she would need to do to help Penelope prepare for an elopement and a baby.

Penelope’s hand settled over the pen to stop her. She looked up, “What—”

“Julie, it’s going to be alright. Relax.” Julie gazed into Penelope’s concerned eyes. “I want you to focus on me. Breathe in slowly and then breathe out.” When she wasn’t running the bookstore or writing, Penelope taught yoga and she used her soothing instructor’s voice on Julie. “That’s right. Just keep doing that. Slowly and methodically.”

Julie’s nerves settled as she watched Penelope and focused on her breathing.

“Why are we doing yoga breathing? What’s happened?” Cassie asked, concerned.

They turned in unison and gasped. Cassie stood there, absolutely stunning in her Italian lace bridal gown. Of course, they’d both seen it before, but that had been the store sample pulled together across Cassie’s slender build to make it look like it fit. This one was the one made for her and it fit her like a glove.

Julie rushed over to Cassie’s side and admired her reflection in the mirror. “Jake’s not gonna know what hit him when he spies you coming down that aisle.”

Penelope had begun to sob quietly into the tissue the saleslady handed her. Cassie turned to her in disbelief while Julie tried to hide her smile. Penelope and Colton weren’t going to be able to hide this pregnancy for long at this rate. Penelope was obviously suffering from a huge case of out-of-control hormones.

Unfortunately though, Cassie wasn’t aware of that. She jumped down off the pedestal and rushed over to take Penelope into her arms. “Pen, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You just look so gorgeous.” Penelope sucked in watery breaths as she pushed Cassie back. “Stand back. I don’t want to get snot all over you.”

All three of them giggled, but Cassie continued to study at Penelope nervously. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Yes, of course it is. I’m just so happy for you and Jake.” Penelope started sobbing full out, so the words were barely decipherable.

Julie decided it may be time to step up and deflect some of Cassie’s attention. “It looks gorgeous, Cassie. Does everything feel like it fits right? Lift your arms. Can you move okay? What about your bra? Does it work okay with the dress? Are you wearing the shoes you’re planning to wear on your wedding day?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Everything’s perfect except for the fact that Pen continues to sob her eyes out. What’s going on?” She eyed them both suspiciously.

Penelope sniffled, but managed to pull herself into some semblance of normal. “I’m fine. Sorry, I guess this is just what love does to me. You look so beautiful.”

Cassie regarded her skeptically. “Thanks.” She studied Penelope a bit longer before turning back towards the mirror. “Do you think Jake’s going to like it?”

Penelope and Julie both nodded. Penelope said, “I think he’s going to swallow his tongue.”

Cassie spread her hands down the front of her skirt, her gaze catching on the sparkle of her engagement ring. “I can’t believe this is actually going to happen in two weeks.”

Penelope immediately started sniffling again.

“Okay, enough of that. Cassie, you look gorgeous.” She shoved Penelope’s full champagne glass into Cassie’s hand and pushed Penelope toward a different changing room. “I’m going to take sniffles here to try on her bridesmaid dress.”



* * *



An hour later and all three girls were in their normal everyday clothes and headed into a local wine bar. It had been a rough day, but Julie had almost made it to the end. To celebrate, she took three long gulps of her wine. Probably not the best idea since her stomach had been too nervous all day to eat, but the idea of a little bit of numbing was alluring. She drank more.

Her head felt floaty as she listened to Cassie and Penelope discuss the merits of honeymooning in a beach locale versus a mountain hideaway. Since she hadn’t had sex in fourteen months, she couldn’t add much to the conversation. Fourteen months since she’d had an orgasm. That was a depressing number. Chris. Twenty-four hours with him and now she knew what she was missing. She missed hot orgasms.

She’d never had the courage or trust to go there with Aaron. Besides her own monumental sexual issues, even when Chris was “dead”, it felt like a betrayal for her to have sex with someone besides him. She’d never been ready.

She continued to drink her wine, making the appropriate sounds in the girls’ conversation although she wasn’t really paying attention.

Chris. Those orgasms he’d given her had been amazing. Would a battery-operated-boyfriend compare? Maybe she should ask Penelope. She knew about these things.

Damn, her wine glass was already empty. She needed more so she flagged down their waiter.

In her wine-induced haze, she’d lost track of their conversation, but there was a lull, so she jumped in. “Pen, what BOB do you recommend?” She took another deep drink of wine. Liquid courage, it was a good thing. She glanced back up at her two friends to find them staring at her with their mouths hanging open. That was a little offensive.

“Hey, that’s not fair. No judging. I like orgasms as much as the next girl and it’s been fourteen months. I need help.”

“Wait, what? Fourteen months?” Penelope voice reverberated with shock, carrying out over the bar, before Cassie shushed her.

Damn, she really hadn’t meant to let that slip.

Pen continued in a quieter tone. “How is that even possible? Aaron was gorgeous. You can’t tell me he was that bad in bed that you never had an orgasm.”

Julie felt the blood rush to her face as she rubbed the stem of her wine glass. She’d never planned to tell them, to tell anyone what an awful girlfriend she was, but she couldn’t hold this in anymore. She hadn’t loved Aaron enough to sleep with him and it had been so unfair to him. “I wouldn’t know. I never had sex with him,” she mumbled.

Before, there had been gasps and stuttered exclamations of shock, but now both her friends had gone deathly silent.

Oh God, she probably shouldn’t have drunk anything tonight, or else done it alone where she couldn’t blurt out her secrets to her friends. Tears filled her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She couldn’t meet their pitying gazes as she stood to stand. “Ignore me. I’ll just leave.”

But it was Cassie who grabbed her arm and wouldn’t let go. “You’ll do no such thing,” she hissed as she pulled Julie back down into her chair. “Okay, you can’t just drop that bombshell and leave. Come on, Julie. We’re your friends. Explain to us what happened.”

Julie finally found the courage to look at her friends again. Curiosity and confusion filled their gazes. They were her friends. Maybe it would help if she talked about it. Maybe if she got it off her chest, some of this crippling guilt would ease. She took a deep breath before answering. “I thought we had time. I was dealing with something and Aaron was so amazing about it. He kept telling me he was fine with waiting. We had all the time in the world and he knew I was worth it. God, he was such a wonderful guy.” She took another deep drink of wine.

The lump grew in her throat. “Why? I just don’t understand. Why him? He didn’t deserve that.” Why Chris? He didn’t deserve what happened to him either. She took another deep breath. “Why do such awful things happen to such great guys? I just don’t understand it.” The tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks and she didn’t even care. It was all so wrong. Everyone she loved suffered and lost.

She drew in another deep breath, ignoring the slight hiccup that came with it as she pleaded her case with Penelope. “So I need a BOB. Guys just die. If a BOB dies, I can just replace its batteries or get a new one. No harm, no foul.” She went to take another drink of wine and realized her glass was empty….again. How did it keep getting empty so fast? She scowled down at it, before saying, “I need another one of these.”

Penelope smiled gently. “Julie, honey, I think you need coffee and food, not more wine. And don’t worry; I’ll get you a list of BOB’s that have high recommendations.”

She grinned sloppily at Penelope. “Thank you. You know I like lists. They help in every way.”

She ignored the look of concern that passed between Pen and Cassie. What did they know? They had boyfriends who loved them and managed to stay alive. Yessir, a BOB was all she needed from now on.