Porter and I both knew that I was late—he watched the calendar even more carefully than I did. But neither of us had mentioned it. I assumed his reasoning was the same as mine; we didn’t want to jinx it. But the barfing clenched it for me. Morning sickness? Yes. I had to be pregnant. I could feel the straining in my cheeks from the biggest smile I’d ever worn, only to be out done, I imagined, by the smile I would wear watching Porter come to the realization he was going to be a father.
I got up and nearly ran to my phone, dialing Megan’s number as quickly as I could.
“Hey, Fella,” she said cheerily as she answered her phone.
“Megs, do you have any free time today? Can you come to Salem?”
“I think so. I’ve got all three girls in Poppy today so getting away shouldn’t be a big deal. What do you need?”
“It’s not work related. I need a sister favor today.”
“Oh! Well then I can definitely fit you in. What’s up?” Her voice was still calm, but she sounded concerned.
“I just need you to come to Dahlia, but I need you to bring me something.”
“Ok . . . you’re being cryptic.”
“Can you bring a pregnancy test with you?”
“Are you serious?”
“Serious as a pregnancy test.”
“Holy shit, Ella.”
“Holy shit is right. Will you come see me? I could use a little sisterly support.”
“Um, yeah. Just let me call Brittany and let her know I won’t be in this morning. Oh my God, Ella. You think you’re pregnant?” She sounded wistful and far away, like she was lost in her own mind. I felt the stinging and prickling of tears coming on but I didn’t want to cry so I stood up and moved into the bathroom, turning on the shower.
“Yeah, I think I am,” was all I could manage without losing my composure.
“Ok, I’ll be at Dahlia in about two hours, with a pregnancy test. No big deal. I’ll just walk in with a brown paper sack that will change your life forever. No pressure.”
I had to laugh at her dramatics. “Megan, it will all be ok. Just buy a test and meet me there. You won’t change the outcome of the test by worrying about it.”
I heard her exhale loudly. “Ok. See you there.” She hung up and I got in the shower. My mind was so frazzled I couldn’t remember if I washed my hair or not so I ended up doing it again, just to be sure. I found myself smiling as I drove to the store, my mind clouded with images of Porter pushing a stroller, holding a newborn baby, tossing a baseball to a little blonde boy. I kept reminding myself that I still had to take the test and even then, still had months of waiting to do beyond that.
The waiting wasn’t any better at the store either. I found myself folding shirts, then refolding them, walking to the window to look for Megan, then finding something else to fold. I finally couldn’t take my own inability to sit still and decided to walk down the street to the coffee shop I went to every once in a while.
“Hi, what can I get started for you?” Asked the pretty brunette girl behind the counter. She smiled and was friendly, causing me to smile back at her.
“Hi, can I get a medium iced mocha?”
“Iced, huh?” She said as she scribbled on the plastic cup with her marker. “It’s pretty cold for iced drinks.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said as I dug through my purse for my wallet. “I don’t like hot drinks. Doesn’t really matter how cold it is.” I reached out to hand her my credit card and then a thought shot right to the front of my brain, making my heart falter. “Is it too late to make it decaf?”
She shook her head, “Of course not.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m sure one cup of coffee wasn’t going to hurt, but I wanted to do everything by the book. I couldn’t go screwing up this baby before I even was sure it was in there.
“Thank you.”
I walked back to the store really feeling the cold now that I was holding a cup of ice in my hand. I spotted Megan’s car parked on the street in front of Dahlia and a little jolt of anticipation shot through my system and my steps quickened. I unlocked the front doors and walked in, my eyes scanning for her.
“Oh my God, Fella, you’re glowing.” Megan stood behind the counter where a cash register would eventually be, smirking at me.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Ha ha ha.”
“I’m just kidding. You look great.”
“Did you bring it?”
“Of course I did. Do you know how many choices you have when purchasing a pregnancy test? There are, like, twelve options. It took me a while to compare and contrast.”
“Ok, well, let me see it.”
She reached into her purse and pulled out a box that was mostly blue. “I chose the one that had actual words. I didn’t think you wanted any room for confusion.”
“No, I think if there’s any time in a woman’s life when she wants clarity, it’s while taking a pregnancy test,” I said, holding the box in my hands, looking it over, reading the instructions.
“Ella,” Megan said.
“Yeah?” I didn’t look at her, still focused on the box.