I eventually asked her about her ethnicity and she explained her mom was Irish and her dad was African American. She said being biracial was always an issue for her growing up because her mother’s family never approved of her parents’ relationship. When her mother had become pregnant with Michelle, the family tried to use their money and influence to force her mother to leave her father and abort the baby. When Michelle’s mother decided to have her, the family had no choice but to accept her, but they never got over her parents’ relationship. Her parents never married and she kept her mom’s last name and not her dad’s under the persuasion of her mom’s family. It was rough on her father who disappeared when Michelle was very young. The last she recalled hearing from him was when she was nine years old. I was surprised that she discussed such personal things with me but at the same time our conversations seemed to have flowed so naturally. There was something special about this Michelle.
The morning before it was time to depart, Michelle asked me for my telephone number and address and gave me all of her information in exchange agreeing to keep in touch. The next morning I left for the train station and on my ride home, I reflected on the fun weekend I’d had in North Carolina. I was so excited to see O and tell him the good news. I’d taken the time to formulate a plan in my mind, I would tell O to contact his connections down there and leave in August.
My plan included leaving the first week in August when the move in was scheduled for incoming freshmen. He could stay at a hotel during the week and with me every weekend until he found a place. I’d have to wait until the following year to officially move off campus because it was policy that all out-of-state freshmen lived on campus for a minimum of one year. After my year was up, I’d move in with O permanently, get a summer job, and help pay the bills until the following fall. It was perfect.
I’d leave my mother, her drugs, and Akeem with his weird acting self in that place that they called home and I called hell. My father…fuck’im. He didn’t give a damn about his family. I hoped he’d rot in hell for all the shit he put the family through. If he had only moved us out of the projects when my mother wanted him to she wouldn’t be addicted to that heroine, Akeem wouldn’t be hustling, and Chyna wouldn’t be forced to stay with our grandparents all the time. I’d miss Chyna but could always send for her. Besides, O would be visiting there every now and then; he could bring Chyna back and forth when she wanted to visit. I had it all planned.
My thoughts consumed me, exerting every bit of energy and I fell asleep during the train ride and dreamed of walking into an apartment that belonged to O and me.
When I returned home, I would soon realize my world was turned upside down. I got off the train and waited an hour and a half for O. I sat and stood, rose and fell from the bench at Penn Station. Damn, he knows that my train got in at six. I grew frustrated by the second and eventually decided to catch the bus. I got off the bus and walked a couple of blocks home.
As I entered the dimly lit lobby with a flickering strobe bulb, I checked the mailbox and noticed more college offers and other junk mail. Judging by the volume of mail, I could tell that the box hadn’t been checked since my departure. While waiting for the elevator it was hard to ignore people gazing suspiciously at me. I thought it was strange and embarrassing but wouldn’t utter a word, I just watched the floor lights illuminate up from the panel above the door. The elevator beeped for the door to open.
Mr. Brown from the thirteenth floor, Ms. Mary with the bad ass kids from building two, Mr. Shapiro from the second floor, and a few others exited the elevator gaping, stealing last glances my way. At that point, I knew something was wrong. I immediately thought of O.
“Honey…” I turned to see if someone was addressing me since all eyes were on me after all. It was Mr. Brown. He shuffled a little closer to me nearing his round belly to my small frame in an attempt of privacy.
“Now listen, if there is anything that me and my missus can do for you, you make sure to come and see me. Ya hear?”