Kaleidoscope

Chapter Six


Weird



One hour, two minutes later…

I lay on my back in my bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling and going over the last two days in my mind again and again.

No way I could sleep.

No way.

So I rolled, turned on my light and saw the ring Dane had given me the night before on my nightstand.

The box was open.

I flipped it shut and put it in the nightstand drawer.

Dane giving me that weirded me out, but it was the kind of gesture that you didn’t make an “euw” face and throw it across the room.

So, after I’d tried to refuse it, gently saying it was too much, and he’d refused my refusal, adamantly and repeatedly, I’d given up, thanked him and kissed him.

He’d done what he always did when I kissed him. He escalated things and made love to me.

I’d had two lovers in my life, and to say Dane was better than the first one was a massive understatement.

Still, I read enough, watched enough TV and movies, heard enough girlfriends talking about it, I knew I was missing something.

Even from Dane.

I knew this because I’d never had an orgasm with a partner. Not once.

I faked it.


It wasn’t a good thing to do but eventually things just kept going, it got tedious, and I had to do what I had to do to end it so I could get some sleep.

Thinking on this brought me to the memory that Elsbeth had not shared often, but she had shared. And what she shared was that Jacob had no problems in that department. They’d started their relationship young and had been together for five years. Elsbeth and I were the same age and she’d been twenty when they started out. He’d been twenty-three. She had not been a virgin but she’d been an orgasm-during-sex virgin.

According to Elsbeth, Jacob had taken that particular virginity and done it spectacularly then went on to give that to her frequently and unfailingly.

Now I was thirty-four and had two lovers and no orgasms that had been given to me by anyone else but me.

And I had sexual knowledge of the man who that night told me he was interested in me and intended to do something about it.

So even though it was late, I was me, he was Jacob and I was psycho.

Not to mention, these thoughts were tamping down the joy I’d felt earlier, and I didn’t like that much.

So I got out of bed, wandered through the dark to the kitchen and nabbed my phone.

I called him wandering back to my room through the dark.

“You okay?” he answered.

“Just to say, if I wasn’t, although you have superhuman strength and an off-the-charts IQ, I’d still probably call 911.”

“Babe,” he replied.

I waited but he didn’t follow that up.

So I asked, “Babe, what?”

“Babe,” this time there was a smile in his voice, “get on with what you’re callin’ about.”

“Right,” I muttered as I walked up the rounded staircase that was reason three I bought this house. Reason one being the view I saw from the circular drive. Reason two being the extraordinary wood starburst inlaid in the entryway floor.

“Emme,” he called.

“Sorry,” I replied. “I was thinking about my starburst.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Is this too late to call?”

“No, but just to say, no time is a bad time to hear from you.”

Good answer. So good, it made me feel mushy inside.

Safe in that feeling, I admitted, “I can’t sleep.”

“Emme—”

There was concern in my name and a hint of Jacob being what Jacob had been recently. Determined to go full steam ahead, do most of the talking and the talking he did blowing my mind.

So I interrupted him.

“No, please, Jacob, hear me out.”

He said nothing.

I walked down the hall toward the light coming from my room trying to find the courage to say what I needed to say.

Walking into my room and seeing the pretty I’d wrought with my own two hands, some YouTube videos and a lot of elbow grease, I found the courage.

“This is weird,” I said softly, making my way to the bed. “I know things about you.”

“Girl talk,” he murmured, and I knew he knew what I was saying.

“Yeah,” I agreed, climbing into bed and sitting cross-legged on it.

“Bad shit?” he asked and I felt my head jerk.

“Bad shit?” I repeated.

“She bitch about me?”

She hadn’t. Ever. I didn’t even know if they ever fought.

God, she was so stupid.

“Was there bad shit?” I asked hesitantly.

“I didn’t think so until she dumped me,” he replied and I felt my lips smile.

“That came out of the blue for everybody, honey,” I told him. “Not just you.”

“Right,” he replied, that word clearly a prompt to get on with it.

So I did.

“Just us having this conversation is weird, Jacob.”

“Why?”

“You were once my best friend’s boyfriend.”

“So?” he asked.

“So, this isn’t a thing girls do.”

“You haven’t spoken to her in nine years, and, I’ll point out, Emme, it’s been f*ckin’ nine years, which is a long time.”

“You hooked up with her this summer.”

“So?”

I didn’t have an answer to that “so.”

When I said nothing, he asked, “What’d she say?”

“Pardon?”

“Elsbeth. Girl talk. What’d she say?”

I was not a psycho. I was an idiot.

I couldn’t tell him that.

Thus I should never have called him.

I didn’t even know why I did, except he was Jacob and I’d always been able to talk to him about anything. The problem with that was, back when, I’d never really had anything deep and personal to discuss.

Now I did but that deep and personal involved him.

I wasn’t an idiot. I was a psycho idiot.

This called to mind the fact that I’d left all my girlfriends in Denver and had not replaced them in Gnaw Bone. It also called to mind the fact that all my somewhat friends in Gnaw Bone were guys who worked at a lumberyard. And this called to mind the fact that not one of them was a candidate for a conversation about a potential new boyfriend I was getting before getting rid of my old one who happened to be one of their brethren, and all the things I needed to discuss.

Primarily, that I’d never had an orgasm during sex and I was worried that was on me, not my partners.

And I didn’t want to disappoint Jacob. Because if I did, that would be an end to him and me. Not the new good stuff we might have. The old great stuff we just got back.

I needed a girl posse.

I didn’t share this with Jacob either.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just that this is…” I paused then finished, “I don’t want to lose what we have.”

He was losing patience at my evasiveness and I knew this with how he asked, “Emme. What. Did. She. Say?”

“I—”

“Okay, honey,” he cut off my protest knowing that was what it would be. “I know I dropped a bomb on you tonight, you didn’t hide it. You also didn’t try to escape it. And what we got started from me meetin’ you through her. Neither of us can escape that. But I think, you dig deep, back then you know what was growin’ between us. I don’t know if you felt it. I just know I didn’t. I also know Elsbeth did and put a stop to it. Now I see it, I feel it and I’m gonna explore it. So I dig that this is a shift and you need to talk shit out, this change, how we started. And I’ll give you that, late at night, first thing in the morning, anytime. But to talk it out, just sayin’, baby, you actually gotta talk.”

“I know personal things about you,” I told him.

“Like what? That I snore?” he asked, and my heart plummeted because Dane snored and I hated it.

“Do you snore?” I asked.

“Not that I know of,” he answered.

“So why would you ask that?” I pushed.

There was laughter in his voice when he replied, “Because you aren’t givin’ me shit, babe, so I’m tryin’ to pull it out. Have no clue what she said to you, so I’m guessin’.”

“It wasn’t that you snore, and just so you know, I wouldn’t call late at night to talk to you about snoring. Though, also just so you know, I really hope you don’t.”

“I hope you don’t either,” he returned.

“I don’t snore!” I snapped.

More laughter with his, “Good we got that straight.”

“Jacob—”

“Talk to me, Emme.”

“I can’t—”

“Emme, I’m lying in bed lookin’ at your kaleidoscope sittin’ on my nightstand, knowin’ you’ve been with me every day for nine years. Which means I wanted you with me every day even when I didn’t realize it. Which means you mean something to me and not a little something. You think I’d make that play tonight if I thought makin’ it would f*ck us up?”

“No,” I whispered because I didn’t. He wouldn’t do that. Ever.

And he was lying in bed and my kaleidoscope was there.

Have mercy.

“So, I made a decision and carried it out but I know what’s at stake here and I’m gonna bust my ass to lead this careful, gentle so it doesn’t get f*cked up. I know this is fast, but from here we don’t have to go fast. We just gotta go forward. And we gotta do it honest. So talk to me.”

“I know you’re a good lover,” I blurted.

Jacob said nothing.

So I called, “Jacob?”

“And you’re wound up about me bein’ intimate with Elsbeth,” he said.

“No,” I contradicted.

“No?” he asked.

“Well… no.”

More nothing from Jacob then, “So, fill me in here.”

“It’s just weird,” I shared.

“It’s weird,” he said.

“Don’t you think so?”

Again, nothing until a murmured, but it was a very intensely murmured, “F*ck me.”

“What?” I asked.

“Nothin’, baby,” he said quickly. “You’re right. It’s weird. I don’t know how much she shared, but yeah, you hearin’ that from her is weird. But this isn’t me and her. This is me and you. And we haven’t even kissed, Emme. So, honey, don’t get wound up in this shit. You said one step at a time with McFarland, that’s the way we’re gonna take it. I’ll lead but you tell me the speed. You want slow, that’s how we’ll go. That work for you?”

“I don’t want us to get screwed up,” I told him.

“So we’ll take it slow,” he told me.

“I don’t want to lose you again.”

Jacob fell silent.

“I missed you,” I whispered.

“How bad?” he whispered back.

“I wouldn’t allow myself to think about it, that bad.”

“Baby—”

“Maybe we should just be us,” I suggested.

“And maybe this was the us we were always meant to be and we should be that.”

At his words, words that spoke to me deeply, my shoulders jerked forward with the force of my lungs hollowing out.

“Emme, you with me?” he called.

I closed my eyes tight, put my forehead in my hand, my elbow to my knee and I whispered, “What if you don’t like the way I kiss?”

“I’ll like the way you kiss,” he whispered back.

“What if you don’t?”

“You’re the smartest woman I know, baby, you’ll learn to give me what I like.”

That was an excellent answer.

“What if you don’t like the way I do other things?” I pressed.

“I will.”

“Ja—”

“You’ll learn, and just sayin’, honey, so will I. That’s the way it goes.”

Not in my experience.

“This is an important part of us takin’ it slow,” he carried on. “Said it before, I’ll promise it now, Emme, we’ll go at your speed. But I want us finally to go where what we got has always been leading.”

“Do you really think so?” I asked.

“Babe, would we be having this conversation if I didn’t?”

We wouldn’t. Absolutely.

I opened my eyes, sat up and admitted, “I’m a psycho.”

“You care about me, have for a while, don’t want to lose me. That’s not psycho, Emme. That’s real. And it’s smart. And it means a great deal to me. What you need to get from all I’m sayin’ is, because it means that much to me, I’m gonna handle this with care. You just gotta believe in me.”

“Do you believe in me?” I asked and got nothing so I felt my heart squeeze.

Then I got something.

And it was huge.

“Emme, what you’re worried about, I get. I like it. It’s sweet. It’s you. But outside of us makin’ our way in that, discovering that part of the relationship we’re gonna have, nothin’ else about you makes me think for even a second I don’t believe in what I could have with you. That’s somethin’ else you gotta get. I missed it. For years. There are three people in this world I trust with everything about me: my father, Chace and you. And I finally figured out I don’t give you that because you’re my girl but because you’ve always in a way been my girl. I felt it again last night. You feel it too. You just gotta admit it then we’ll sort the rest out.”

It was my turn to say nothing.

“Emme, baby, talk to me.”

“I want this,” I whispered.

And I did. Badly. And I might have done for a very, very long time. I just wouldn’t let myself think about it when he was with my friend and definitely not after I lost him.

“Good. You got it. Starting Sunday,” he replied immediately.

“There’s things to know about me,” I admitted.

“You’ll tell me and you’ll do that at your pace too.”

God, he was so nice.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“You gonna sleep now?” he asked.

No way.

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Bullshit,” he muttered, a smile in his voice.

“Uh, reminder, Jacob, it’s just over twenty-four hours since we met in town and things have progressed at light speed. Since I’m the first human being in history to travel at that speed, I think it’s okay that I allow myself a moment to process the feeling.”

“I get you but I don’t want you losing sleep over this.”

So nice!

“Not sure you can do anything about that,” I told him. “But I’ll be okay.”

“Faye’s having a boy,” he announced, and I blinked.

Then I asked, “Pardon?”

“You in bed?” he asked back.

“Yeah, kinda. Sitting on it.”

“Get under the covers, Emme.”

His deep voice saying that started that pulse beating in that awesome place and I did what I was told.

“Light out,” he ordered.

I did that too.

“You in?” he asked.

“Yeah, but—”

“They’re namin’ him after me.”

“Oh God!” I cried. “That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah,” he replied.

And that was when Jacob talked to me about a lot of things, none of them taxing, none of them earth shattering, all of them how we always used to be except sweeter, and he did it for a long time. He did it until he heard my voice get sleepy.

Then he said softly, “Gonna let you go now, baby.”

“Okay, honey.”

“Sleep good.”

“You too.”

“ ’Night, Emme.”

“ ’Night, Jacob.”

I disconnected, put my phone to the nightstand and stared at it in the dark for three seconds.

Then my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

* * *

Twelve hours, seven minutes later…

I hit Jacob’s contact button and hit go.

It rang once.

“You okay?”

Feeling weird when I called him, at his question, I felt weird no more and laughed.

“Yeah, honey. Just that, you’re bringing boys over, I need to know how many and what they want to eat.”


“Manual labor. Beer, chips and brownies.”

“I was thinking more along the line of homemade burritos.”

“You’d be thinkin’ wrong ’cause, one, you lucked out on the Shake ’n Bake, but it’ll be important to keep those boys fed, and your stove gives up the ghost, I’m not gonna wanna take a break to try to fix it or go out and buy a camp stove.”

I started laughing softly again and Jacob kept going.

“Two, they need to expend their energies rippin’ out insulation, haulin’ it down, luggin’ new up and staple-gunning it to beams. Food that requires silverware is an unnecessary expenditure of that energy.”

“Got ’cha,” I murmured. “Beer and munchies.”

“Right. And now that I got you, insulation is ordered. Delivery window is one to four tomorrow. That good for you?”

I blinked at my desk. “You ordered it?”

“Yeah.”

“Already?”

“Babe, need it Sunday. No time to f*ck around.”

“But you didn’t measure,” I reminded him.

“You gave me a tour, didn’t you?”

I sat up straight as it hit me, like it sometimes did, how very sharp he was. I knew without a doubt he’d ordered enough, not too much. And he calculated the amount of insulation I’d need by walking through my house.

“Yeah, I did,” I answered. “And I’ll be there for delivery during the window.”

“Good,” he replied then asked the question I’d hoped he wouldn’t ask, “McFarland being cool with you?”

He was. And, in Dane’s way, he also was not. And I figured Jacob wouldn’t see the part where he was, only the part where he wasn’t.

I had to answer so I decided it was safe to share some of it, but not all of it.

“He came up to the office and asked if we could talk. I told him to come by the house at one on Sunday and I’d say what I had to say then.”

“And?” Jacob prompted.

“And, well…”

Crap!

I didn’t know whether to tell him or not.

Because I was psycho, I told him, “Then he asked who owned the black Dodge Ram that was outside my house last night.”

Silence.

I shouldn’t have told him.

“Ja—”

“He was at your house last night?”

I’d never heard him use that deep, rumbly, controlled-but-barely tone of voice and I wished I’d still never heard it because it was more than a little scary.

“He, well… does that sometimes when he’s, well, we’re not… when we don’t have plans,” I stammered. “He does it because I live up there alone and he wants to check on me. Make sure I’m good.”

“He does it because he’s creepy into you, Emme.”

I was getting the feeling that might be true so I said nothing.

“We need to get around to having a conversation about this guy, babe,” Jacob told me.

“It’ll be over Sunday, honey,” I told him.

“Yeah, but evidence is suggesting he’s not gonna like that and he’s also not gonna like you movin’ on, and you work with him. So we’re gonna have a conversation about him and soon. What’d you say about my truck?”

“I told him you were over.”

More silence then, “Straight up?”

“Well, I didn’t share about your earth-shattering shift in the path of our relationship but, yeah. I said you came around for dinner. Why?”

“And how’d he react to that?”

“He’s always been weird about me with guys,” I admitted.

“Creepy. F*ck,” Jacob murmured.

“He gets over it,” I told him.

“No he doesn’t, Emme. He hides it. And Sunday, after the boys go, we have that conversation. Yeah?”

“Okay,” I mumbled.

“I also want you spending the night at my house tonight and tomorrow night.”

My entire body spasmed.

“Pardon?” I breathed.

“I got work, I won’t be there. I’ll drop the keys at your office with directions. But, he’s doin’ drive-bys, you’re not gonna be there.”

“Jacob, you said we’d go slow,” I reminded him cautiously.

“Babe, job I’m on, I’m not gonna be in my bed until Sunday night.”

At the mention of his bed, I got another full-body spasm.

I ignored that and asked, “What job are you on?”

“Emme, honey, can’t say, and with my work, you gotta know, I’m never gonna be able to say. As we’re takin’ this forward, you’ll get everything you want from me, anything you ask, just not that.”

I knew this. I knew this because, even back when, Elsbeth couldn’t say. Considering his mind and the company he kept, I’d been fascinated by his work and asked her once what he did.

Her response was uttered on a shrug, “No idea. I just know he busts his hump, doesn’t talk about it and doesn’t get paid much for doing it.”

That said, it didn’t take a genius the caliber of Jacob, what with the policemen, private detectives and bounty hunters that came to their parties, to know it had something to do with the things they did. It just seemed that whatever it was was a lot more secretive.

Which, of course, made it a lot more fascinating.

“So, I drop the keys, you pack a bag,” he ordered.

“Honey, honestly, I’ll be okay at home.”

“Baby, honestly, I’m a town away from your creepy soon-to-be ex and I got a security system. You’ll be more okay there and that’s where you’re going to be.”

This was something else I knew but had never experienced directly. Elsbeth had told me Jacob could get bossy.

“I think you’re worried about nothing,” I told him.

“And I think I got a dick,” he told me and I blinked at his words. “And havin’ a dick, I know how other guys who got one think. I also know you dress great. You got great hair. You got unbelievably beautiful eyes. You got a winning personality. You’re funny. You’re smart. You got that thing goin’ on where you state plain with pretty much everything you do you don’t need anybody, and a man falls for all that the wrong way, you also got problems.”

I was feeling so mushy-happy at these words I didn’t have the ability to speak.

“Pack a bag. I’ll drop the keys,” he repeated his order into my silence.

“Okay,” I gave in.

“You get in, make yourself at home. I’ll call Donna and tell her she doesn’t have to worry about Buford for a couple of nights.”

“Buford?”

“My hound.”

“Your… what?” My second word was pitched higher.

“You don’t like dogs?” he asked but before I could answer, he stated, “I thought you liked dogs.”

I loved dogs. I wanted a dog. I just wanted to start with a puppy and I didn’t want a puppy chewing on exposed wiring and getting electrocuted so I’d start my first tenure as Puppy Parent by digging a Puppy Graveyard in my garden.

“Yeah, I like dogs,” I confirmed.

“Good. Thought so,” he muttered, then, “Buford is a bloodhound. He’s sweet. He loves everybody, but, just so you know, he hogs the covers.”

I started giggling.

Then I asked, “Donna?”

“Neighbor. She looks in on Buford when I’m out.”

“Oh,” I mumbled and stopped giggling, thinking about Donna, neighbor to a man that was all the man that was Jacob and how I’d also look after the unknown Buford while Jacob was out, and even offer to do it when he was in.


“She’s also married to an ex-Bronco defensive lineman,” he went on, telling me he knew why I quit laughing.

The giggle came back and through it I repeated, “Oh.” Then, “You named a bloodhound Buford?”

To that, smile in his voice, I got, “You name a Bronco Elrod or Cletus. You name a bloodhound Buford. It’s the law.” That got him another giggle and I could still hear the smile when he said, “Now I gotta go. I’ll be around this afternoon with the keys, directions and my security code.”

“Okay, Jacob.”

“Stay away from McFarland,” he demanded.

That wouldn’t be hard to do. That was already on my itinerary for the day.

“You got it.”

Another smile in his voice when he said, “Later, Emme.”

“ ’Bye, honey.”

We disconnected. I put my phone down and grabbed the piece of paper I’d been scribbling on before I called him. I crossed off tortillas, cheese, ground beef and refried beans and added munchies and brownie mix.

Then I went back to work.

* * *

Seven and a half hours later…

The black and tan bloodhound Buford following me, I wandered Jacob’s living space.

I did this lips parted, eyes big, shocked to the core.

I stopped in his sunken great room, the view from his two-story panoramic windows awe-inspiring. And not just the unhindered vision of the purple mountains majesty I could see silhouetted in black against the midnight blue of the starry sky. But also the pool that was heated if the steam coming up from it was anything to go by, and it had a light that gave its tranquil waters a slow shift through a variety of colors including purple, blue, green and pink.

And that wasn’t even getting into the flagstone patio and awesome patio furniture.

It was amazing.

Jacob might not have been paid much before for whatever mysterious dealings he dealt, but he clearly moved up the food chain.

High up.

Buford’s wet nose touched my hand and I looked into his adorable black and tan droopy-eared, droopy-skinned face with its lolling pink tongue.

Then I told him, “You didn’t know her but, trust me, Elsbeth was really, really stupid.”

Buford’s tail wagged.

I gave him a head scratch for doggie-agreeing with me.

My phone in my purse rang.

I dug it out and saw the display said “Jacob calling.”

I took the call by proclaiming, “You live in a showplace.”

“What?” he asked.

“Your house is huge and beautiful.”

“Babe—”

“And you have an unhindered view of the mountains.”

“So do you.”

I ignored that and carried on.

“And you have a heated pool.”

“Em—”

“With a wheel of pretty lights.”

“Baby—”

“You failed to tell me I should bring a bathing suit.”

“You’re sleepin’ in my bed the first time without me. You do not get in that pool for the first time without me.”

And another full-body spasm.

“Jacob—”

“I take it you’re in and you’re settled,” he remarked, explaining the call.

“Buford has a droopy face and it’s cute,” I said as confirmation, looking down at his dog who again wagged his tail.

“You’re in and settled,” he muttered, then, louder, “I gotta go.”

“Okay, honey.”

“Eat what you want. Got lots of DVDs. Whatever. Yeah?”

“Okay.”

“Sleep good.”

“Okay, be safe.”

“Right. Later, Emme.”

“Later, Jacob.”

We disconnected.

I looked down at Buford.

“Let’s check out Jacob’s bedroom,” I suggested.

He got up from sitting like he knew what I was saying.

We checked out Jacob’s bedroom.

It. Was. Awesome.

I stood in the middle of its awesomeness, bent slightly, scratching Buford’s head, staring at the (unmade but still fantastic) huge bed with its cream comforter cover with black piping, black sheets and cream shams (with black piping). This color scheme was used throughout the room, giving it not a small amount of seriously classy masculine appeal.

My eyes fell on the kaleidoscope on his nightstand.

He did keep it by the bed.

I felt my lips tip up.

Then I commented to Buford, “I think you’re good. No way you could hog all those covers.”

Buford had no reply.

Five hours later, I’d find out I was wrong.

* * *

Nineteen hours later…

“You okay?”

I burst out laughing.

“Babe,” Jacob called through my laughter.

I got control of it and when I did, I saw the piles of rolled insulation that now filled two of my upstairs rooms, one of which I was standing in the door of.

“Just calling to confirm delivery,” I told him.

“Good. Now go back to my house,” he ordered.

“Jacob—”

“No bathing suit.”

“Ja—”

“Gotta go.”

I stopped trying to get out his name seeing as it seemed he was in the middle of something important and said, “Okay, honey. See you tomorrow.”

“Text me when you get to my house,” he replied, then, “And yeah, babe. Tomorrow. But, way things are going, good chance I’ll be home tonight.”

Tonight?

But I’d be at his house tonight.

With him there!

Before I could begin a discussion about this, Jacob said, “Later, Emme.”

I knew he was in the middle of something important (or guessed), so all I could do was say, “ ’Bye.”

I disconnected and wandered to the stairs, looking forward to spending more time with Buford and lounging around Jacob’s big house where you could search for hours and find nothing that needed working on.

I was also freaking out because Jacob would be in that house with me (maybe) and we’d be together for the first time as a different kind of us (except for his hurried fly-by at my office to give me his keys, which included him kissing my forehead again—which was very nice—but that was all it included) and I didn’t know if I was ready for that.

I was. I was looking forward to it. Anxiously. Excitedly.

I just also wasn’t. Mostly because I was thinking on it, panicked.

I was walking down the stairs, thinking these thoughts, when I saw the police cruiser through my own not-so-panoramic but nonetheless fabulous etched windows that luckily had never been broken that flanked my huge front door.

So I would not be going over to Jacob’s house imminently.

No.

But I had no idea that things were going to change dramatically in ways no one would expect.

Even when they were watching a police cruiser pulling up their drive.