Kaleidoscope

Chapter Fourteen


Game Changer



One week later…

I sat in the salon chair, hair in foils, celebrity gossip magazine forgotten in my hand, eyes on my face in the mirror.

This is a game changer, Emme.

Jacob’s words from last night assaulted my brain and I closed my eyes.

A game changer, Emme.

I opened my eyes and jumped when I felt a light touch on my shoulder.

I tipped my head back and looked at Dominic, stylist to practically anyone who lived in the county who had the money and good taste to go to him. He owned Carnal Spa. It wasn’t too far from Gnaw Bone but even if it was five hours, every six weeks I’d make the trip in order to have him give me a cut and highlight. He was that good.

“You okay, girlie?” he asked, his gaze moving over my face.

“Fine, Dom,” I assured on a complete and utter lie. “Just have a lot to do this weekend and prioritizing it in my head.” This was another lie.

Dom knew it, I could tell. But Dominic was a gay man who spent his days around women and their problems, so with one look at my face he knew better than to push it.

He smiled, lifted his hands to my hair, checked a foil and murmured, “Five more minutes, darling.”

Then he wandered away.

I looked to the back of the spa where Dom had a couple of rooms where they did massages and facials and stuff. I knew Lexie was back there with a client. I’d seen her earlier. She’d also seen me. We’d gabbed for a bit between her clients then she’d disappeared.

I wished she’d had a free half hour. At a time like this, a girl needed a member of her girl posse. I’d never had that kind of time and I still knew this was that kind of time.

Definitely.

A game changer, Emme.

As his words filled my head, his face filled my vision. Surprise there, also disappointment, wariness and maybe even pain.

I never wanted to give Jacob pain.

I looked back to myself in the mirror, my hair out to there with silver sticking out all over. I looked ridiculous. But I knew it was worth it because the results would be astounding.

Why, when for years I didn’t give a crap about my hair, did I care about the results being astounding?

What was going on with me?

Having pushed it down all night and all morning, suddenly unable to fight it, I let it wash over me.

The last week had been good. Jacob and I had our messy discussion and got back on track.

It started on Sunday with his dad proving what he promised. To him, a deal was a deal. He did not act like an ass. He was friendly. He was funny. It was awesome.

However, Jacob was right, his pancakes sucked.

That said, things had turned so far to the light side, at Rich’s request, when I hesitantly shared this honest opinion, Rich laughed out loud for a long time.

Things got even better when we went to my house.

Karla wandered around with us during my tour trying to hide looking slightly aghast. Her wide eyes, hand lingering at her throat and hesitancy to touch anything meant she failed spectacularly at hiding it.

Rich had the exact opposite reaction. He loved my house and didn’t mind sharing. The tour, which usually took a while seeing as it was a big house, took three times as long because he was interested in everything I’d done, was doing and intended to do. He gave suggestions. He gave instructions. And as a retired electrician, he inspected the wiring I’d had laid and gave it his stamp of approval.

Better, by the end of the tour, I knew that stamp extended to me. Rich was a little surprised I’d taken on that kind of a project and it being so big, but it was clear he thought it was admirable.

And with me more relaxed and not stiff around them or Jacob, our natural affection with each other was something else Rich liked.

And he showed it.

So that was all good and a huge relief. The day was great. Jacob was right, both his parents were cool and the rest of the visit went well. I’d had to leave them to work on Monday and Tuesday but we’d had dinner together, I’d spent the night each night at Jacob’s and we’d had a fantastic time.

They’d left on Wednesday, and Jacob and I settled back into the good that had been us before I went wonky. I called him whenever. I picked up immediately when he phoned. And when I did, I couldn’t believe I stopped doing it. I liked connecting with him, even if it was just to discuss whether we’d go out for a meal or if we’d make something at one of our houses.

And there were no more coming home later and laters.

It didn’t escape me after Jacob pointed it out that I was creating busy work to keep me from him.

This concerned me, and the only reason I could come up with as to why I would do that was because I’d never met a boyfriend’s parents much less the parents of the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I’d obviously been denying my anxiety of their impending visit and doing stupid stuff because of it.

Whatever it was, it was gone. It was back to good.

No. As with everything with Jacob, it was back to beauty.

Until last night.

A game changer, Emme.

I jumped again when Dom came back and put his hand on the back of my chair.

He smiled at me in the mirror and stated, “Time to wash you out.”

I smiled back, we chatted on the way to the sinks and we kept chatting until Dom started the head massage he always gave when he was letting the conditioner do its work.

Usually, this reduced me to jelly. Dom had strong hands. I’d only had one other head massage in my life—the one given to me by the stylist in Denver Erika took me to to give me my new look. But Dom’s were way better.

But that time, when I closed my eyes and tried to relax, it rushed me.

You don’t want kids?

No, honey.

Seriously?

Hesitation. Seriously.

Then that look. That look on his face, so close, us naked, Jacob lying on top of me.

That look of shock.

Disappointment.

Pain.

That look that shattered me because I knew what I’d said had shattered him.

We’d just made love. We were snuggling, touching, whispering, planning. Planning our lives and how they would come in the now. How neither Jacob nor I were happy he had to go to Denver for work and would be gone for the weekend, not back until Tuesday, which meant we’d be separated for the first time since we got together. How, after Jacob sorted this case that was troubling him, we were going to plan a vacation to somewhere exciting. Paris. London. Prague.


Then we moved on to planning our lives how they would come in the later.

And that was when Jacob asked me how many kids I wanted.

And my response was unexpected.

And unwelcome.

Not even one?

Honey.

I felt my eyes sting as Dom rinsed the conditioner out of my hair.

This is a game changer, Emme.

Dom wrapped my hair in a towel and announced, “You’re done, darling. Sit up. Let’s get you back to my station and unleash that beauty.”

I looked over my shoulder at him, smiled and chatted as we walked to his station.

It wasn’t until he was blow drying my hair and we couldn’t chitchat anymore before it came back to me.

That morning.

I saw Jacob standing in front of me. He’d pressed me into the side of my Bronco in his garage.

I was going to Dom’s. He was heading to Denver.

He kissed me, hard, long, amazing but also there was a hint of something else.

Longing.

Bleakness and longing.

It hurt.

Yes, a kiss hurt. But I felt it and when he lifted his head, I knew he felt it too.

“I’ll call,” he whispered, his hand at my neck, his thumb stroking my jaw. “But we’ll talk when I get home.”

I knew my eyes were wet because the vision of him was swimming as I said, “Okay, honey.”

“We’ll figure it out, Emme,” he promised.

I wanted to believe him. I really, really wanted to believe him.

But I didn’t believe him.

“Love you, Jacob,” I whispered and he smiled.

That was bleak too.

“Love you too, Emme.”

He gave me another kiss then waited until I climbed into Persephone so he could swing my door shut for me. I smiled at him through the windshield, another fake one, as he thumped his hand palm flat on my hood and moved away from the truck.

I pulled out of his garage and did it with my eyes glued to him. He stood in his garage, tall, strong, pure male beauty, arms crossed on his chest, long, long legs planted.

Mine.

All mine.

Not even one?

Honey.

Just one, Emme.

I’ve never wanted kids, Jacob. That might be weird but it’s true. I just… that’s just not me. It’s never been me.

Long, painful pause then, This is a game changer, Emme.

“Voilà!”

I focused on myself in the mirror and forced yet another f*cking smile.

“As usual, Dom, you’ve created a masterpiece,” I told him.

“For every artiste, to do such a thing, he must have the best material at his disposal,” he told me.

Dominic. He was such a cool guy. And right then he was cool because his compliment was genuine and his eyes were kind but concerned. The former made me smile sincerely. The latter just felt nice because he cared.

I paid and tipped huge.

Before I left, I gave Dom a hug at the same time I got a message whispered in my ear, “You ever need to talk, the line between stylist and client is a vague one, darling. Just call the salon and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

He totally knew I wasn’t all right.

“Thanks, Dom,” I whispered back, knowing I’d never, not in a million years, do that.

And wondering again what was wrong with me that I wouldn’t.

He gave me a squeeze.

I gave him a smile as I left and got in Persephone.

Game changer, Emme.

I shut my eyes tight. Then I forced them open and looked to my purse. My phone was in my purse. Jacob would be in Denver by now. So if I called he wouldn’t be talking while driving.

I reached to the phone but stopped.

The truth was, I didn’t want kids.

I wanted a puppy.

I also, later, wanted a cat.

I wanted my house to be fixed up and I didn’t mind the fact that once it was, I’d be rambling around in it all alone. There’d always be a change of scenery. There’d always be something to do in the garden or somewhere on the property.

I’d never thought on it much, not before I was sick and truly, not even after. But when I did, I knew I wanted a man. A partner. Someone to share my time with. But only because it hit me unexpectedly just how alone I was.

But I’d never thought about kids.

I didn’t lie to Jacob. That just wasn’t me. I was thirty-four years old, had done my own thing and been responsible only to me for a very long time. Fitting a man in my life worked, that man being Jacob, it worked spectacularly. We were good together. We slid into that easily.

You didn’t fit a kid in your life.

A kid became your life.

And kids, plural, consumed it.

But Jacob wanted kids.

And that was just not me.

My eyes again stinging, I lifted my head and looked down the Main Street of Carnal. I’d spent time there more than once since moving to the mountains. They had an awesome coffee shop called La-La Land that not only had great coffees but amazing cakes and treats. They had a cute gift shop with great pottery.

And they had Bubba’s bar.

And Bubba’s was owned by Krystal Briggs and Tate Jackson. So, by extension, it was also owned by Lauren Jackson.

Two members of my girl posse.

Outside of Faye, who I talked to and visited with regularly now that Jacob’s namesake had entered this world and Jacob seemed intent on being little Jake’s first living memory, I had not spent much time with my new girl posse.

I had fielded calls. I’d even made calls. On a lunch hour, I’d popped in for a gab with Zara and to do so shopping at Karma. Jacob and I had run into Max and Nina at The Mark when we went there for dinner and we’d stood at their table and shot the breeze for ten full minutes. And I’d run into Lexie and Ty when they were visiting Chace and Faye after the baby was born at a time when Jacob and I showed to do the same.

All of this was welcome, to me and to them.

But I had not connected in any real way. With the phone calls, the invitation was there.

I just didn’t take them up on it. Too busy.

Always too busy.

What does that say, Emme?

The question hit my brain like a shot and I just as quickly ignored it.

But even ignoring it, I threw open my door, hopped down from Persephone and hoofed it down Main Street.

Destination: Bubba’s.

I walked in and saw that both Krystal and Lauren were there. So was Bubba.

Bubba was at one end of the bar, shooting the shit with a couple of patrons. Lauren was at the other end, talking to an old guy wearing a baseball cap. Krystal was in the middle.

All their eyes came to me.

With smiles and waves to Lauren and Bubba, I made my way to Krystal.

I hiked my ass up on a stool and looked at her. “Hey.”

She looked at me.

Then she declared, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Fantastic.

“Is it that easy to read?” I asked.

“Babe, you look like you just stepped into the street and noticed, too late, a Mack truck heading your way.”

Yes, it was that easy to read because that was precisely how I felt.

“I…” I hesitated then shared, “Have an issue.”

“No shit?” she asked.

In what seemed to be pure Krystal style, that didn’t sound like it welcomed heartfelt sharing at the same time it demanded it.

I wondered how she did that but didn’t ask. There were other things more pressing on my mind.

I looked to the taps beside her then back to her. “Can I have a beer?”

“No.”

I blinked. “No?”

“I been behind this bar a long time, so trust me on this. Your face doesn’t say beer,” she informed me. “Your face says vodka, tequila or bourbon. Your pick. On the house.”

I was a beer drinker. If I was somewhere fancy that required me drinking something out of a glass, I’d have a martini.


Therefore, I requested, “Vodka.”

“On it,” she muttered, and moved to the glasses at the back of the bar.

Lauren moved in when she did. “Hey, Emme.”

“Hi, Lauren.”

Her head tipped to the side, her gaze never leaving me. “You okay?”

So totally easy to read.

“She has an issue,” Krystal reported, putting the shot glass to the bar and grabbing a bottle of vodka.

She poured. She slid the glass my way. I picked it up and threw it back.

Then I remembered why I drank beer. Not as sharp. Far more mellow. Vodka packed a punch. Beer was cool and refreshing.

And Jacob’s homemade ale was the best beer I’d ever tasted.

I closed my eyes tight.

“Emme, honey, talk to us,” Lauren encouraged gently.

I opened my eyes and she was leaned into her forearms on the bar toward me. Krystal was close to her side, not leaned in, but I had her attention.

“I don’t want kids,” I announced.

Krystal and Lauren looked at each other then back at me.

“Okay,” Lauren prompted.

“Jacob does,” I went on.

“Oh f*ck,” Krystal murmured.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

She grabbed the vodka bottle and poured another shot.

I grabbed the shot glass and threw it back.

When I was done, Lauren asked carefully, “You sure you don’t want kids?”

I nodded. “Absolutely. Don’t have that urge,” I told her. “And if I was going to get it, Jacob asking me how many I wanted after we’d made love would be the time that would happen. And Jacob telling me me not wanting them was a game changer would definitely do it.”

“A game changer?” Lauren whispered in a horrified tone.

“Oh f*ck,” Krystal murmured.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“So you had this conversation when?” Lauren asked.

“Last night,” I answered. “Unfortunate timing. Jacob’s in Denver for four days, seeing to some business.” I drew in a breath then continued, “It’s the first time we’ve been separated since we got together.”

“Yep. That’s unfortunate timing,” Krystal confirmed.

I bit my lip.

“Is he… was he… did he…” Lauren was having trouble getting it out then she powered through, “How did he seem when he left?”

“He said we’d figure it out,” I told her.

“Well, that’s good,” Krystal put in.

“But he kissed me before I took off this morning and it… well,” I closed my eyes, opened them, leaned in and whispered, “Hurt.”

Krystal leaned in too. “He kiss you hard?”

“A lot of the time he kisses me hard. I like it like that. He likes it like that. But it wasn’t like that. It was… sad.” I shook my head, threw out my hands and carried on, “I know it sounds weird, a kiss being sad.” I felt my lip quiver, and to stop it I kept going. “But it was a sad kiss.”

“The good-bye before the good-bye,” Krystal said quietly.

“Krys,” Lauren said warningly.

Krystal shut her mouth.

But she was right and I knew it.

I put my elbow to the bar and my forehead in my hand.

“Emme,” Lauren called.

I kept my head in my hand but lifted my eyes to her. “I love him.”

“Oh, baby,” she whispered.

“I… he was… we’ve known each other for years and it’s always been him for me,” I shared.

Krystal leaned into her forearms on the bar and said, “If that’s so, girl, then maybe you should rethink this kid thing.”

I kept close but dropped my hand to the bar. “That’s not me.”

“For him can you make it you?” Lauren asked.

“Kids consume your life,” I told them.

“They don’t,” Lauren replied. “Even as they do. It’s just that it happens in a way you like.”

I didn’t agree.

Lauren went on, “I’ve never carried a child but Tate’s got a son. If you’ve been around these parts awhile, you probably know that his mother was killed, so Jonas is with us all the time. We’re a family. I got him when he was older but I treasure the day he came into my life and every day he’s been in it since.”

“That’s cool. You’re cool,” I stated. “You’re that kind of lady. But I promise, after that discussion, that kiss, I’ve been rolling it over and over in my head and I think about it. I think of giving in. And I just…” I swallowed. “Don’t want that to be my life. I never thought about it. Thinking about it, bottom line, it’s just not me.”

Lauren looked at Krystal but Krystal was looking at me.

“You two, you’d make beautiful babies,” she declared, and something about that hit me like a punch right in the middle of my chest, winding me.

“Been ’round Faye and Chace’s a lot the last coupla weeks. Faye says Deck’s been around a lot too. Sometimes with you, sometimes durin’ the day just to check in,” she informed me.

I knew this. Again, Jacob was determined to make a lasting impression on Chace and Faye’s baby and when he was determined, he did something about it even if the thing he was determined about couldn’t cogitate.

More, he and Chace were very close. Jacob was super happy that Chace was happy. And he was the kind of man who enjoyed sharing that kind of thing with someone he cared about.

That thought also hit me in the chest.

“Faye says that kid’s the apple of his eye,” Krystal kept talking. “Says it’s cute, how he is with little Jake. Now, we all know, nothin’ about Deck is cute, but I figure that’d be all kinds of cute, that big man bonding with a little baby. He has that with his best friend’s kid, what’s he gonna give your family?”

It was then, the vision of Jacob holding the newborn Jake, completely consumed by the child he held so gently in his strapping arms, hit me, which delivered another blow to the sternum and I was again finding it hard to breathe.

It’d been beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

Until later that night when he’d lifted his head, looked in my eyes and told me he wanted to build a life with me.

“My advice,” Krystal cut into my thoughts. “Do not make any decisions about ending things. Do not make any declarations about anything. He’s gone four days. You take four days to think on the man you got in your bed. How he looks at you. How he treats you. How, honest to God, there are not many good men out there. How he is with little Jake. How you got that rambling wreck of a house and how it’d come alive, filled with babies. And you reconsider.”

“Krys,” Lauren again said warningly, and Krystal’s eyes shot to her.

“Am I wrong?”

Lauren held her gaze then she looked at me. “She’s not, you know.”

“I—” I started, but Lauren darted her hand out and took hold of mine.

“Like Krys says, no decisions, no declarations. Four days and you take that time to think. If it really isn’t you, okay. If it’s something else, explore that. If you have some issue with carrying a baby, then consider adoption or surrogacy. If it’s something deeper and you can’t talk with Deck about it, you call me, Krystal, Faye, whoever, and chat. We won’t say anything to anybody. And we’ll listen.”

She gave my hand a squeeze and looked deep in my eyes, hers searching, and she kept going but this time softly.


“But Krys is only mostly right. My experience, but that’s only been lately, is that there are good men out there and that number is not limited. But that doesn’t mean they’re easy to find, easy to get or easy to keep.” Another hand squeeze then, “That also doesn’t mean you have to give up bits of yourself to get them. Give into something you don’t want that will change the course of your life to keep them. But it does mean you need to think very hard about any decision that will affect your future with them.”

Like Jacob that morning, my vision of her was swimming when she was done talking and I whispered, “Girl posses are awesome.”

The blurry vision of Lauren smiled.

“They’re about to get awesomer because we’re bringin’ in sandwiches, we’re gettin’ some of Shambles’s cakes from La-La Land and you’re drinkin’ yourself stinkin’ drunk with your girls,” Krystal declared.

I blinked my tears away, looked to her, gave her a wobbly smile and she went on.

“You’re trashed, Bubba’ll drive your car while Laurie or me drive you home. So you’re covered. Food. Booze. Company. And a safe way home. Now settle in, girl, we’re about to perform the initiation ceremony.”

My wobbly smile got stronger.

She didn’t smile at me.

She poured more vodka in my shot glass.

When it was full, I took it and threw it back.

* * *

Five hours later…

When I got home I went straight to my computer in the library.

I dumped my bag and turned my computer on.

I wasn’t exactly drunk, seeing as I’d switched to beer and sipping, and sandwiches turned into pizza later. Still, I was in no state to drive, so Krystal brought me home with Bubba driving Persephone (and complaining, with a hint of teasing but more grumpiness, about my “Free to Fly” butterfly on my rearview mirror, proving Jacob right about the whole Bronco thing).

As the computer came on, my eyes wandered to the wallpaper and my mind wandered to the fact that I really needed to do something about it. There wasn’t much of it but it was seriously ugly. The walls would look better stripped, even if it would likely take a year and a half to cover them with something better.

On this thought, my phone in my purse rang.

I pulled it out and saw it said “Jacob calling.”

That punch in the chest came back.

I took the call and put the phone to my ear.

“Hey, honey,” I said quietly.

“Hey, baby,” he replied in the same tone. “You have an okay day?”

“Well, my hair looks fabulous so it’s a shame you’re missing it. But having it done in the proximity of Bubba’s meant I didn’t come home and waste it on fitting drywall patches over exposed wire. Instead, I shared it with Krystal, Lauren, Bubba, a really nice guy named Jim-Billy and the clientele of a biker bar.”

There was a smile in his voice when he replied, “It’s good you didn’t let that go to waste.”

I liked the sound of that smile and I loved him.

I loved him.

I again closed my eyes tight, opened them and stated conversationally, “I had a good gab with Krystal and Lauren.”

He knew what I was saying.

I knew this when he hesitated before replying, “That’s good, Emme.”

“We’ll talk when you get home,” I whispered.

Another hesitation, this one heavy before he came back to me, his deep voice holding a hint of relief, and God, God, I might have even heard hope when he said, “Okay, honey.”

“Okay,” I replied, sat up straighter, cleared my throat and asked, “Your day okay?”

“It just got better.”

Yet again, I closed my eyes.

His voice came back to me and I opened them.

“Do my best to get this shit done early so I can get back to my girl.”

“That’d be good.”

“Hang on,” he said, suddenly distracted. I hung on and half a minute later, he told me, “Gotta go, babe. Sorry. In the middle of something. Thought I had time. I don’t.”

“Okay, honey.”

“I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Right.”

“Have a good night, sleep well, baby.”

“You too, Jacob. Later.”

“Later, babe.”

He disconnected.

I put my phone on the desk, stared at it and lost sight of it when the image of Jacob holding little Jake filled my head.

I shook my head to clear it and looked at the computer. I logged in and pulled up Outlook.

Then I sent a message to Harvey.

It had been a while since we had a visit, and with Jacob gone, it was a golden opportunity.

But more, Harvey had lived a tough life. He’d made mistakes. He’d paid for them. He knew me. And he was wise.

So I wanted to talk to him about Jacob, about where we were, get his thoughts, see if they matched Krystal and Lauren’s. Then I was going to do what the girls advised I do.

Think very hard about a decision that would affect my future with Jacob.

My email to Harvey included me asking if he was free for a visit the next day. After it was sent, I wandered around doing normal things. Setting up the coffeemaker to make coffee for the morning. Putting away the clean dishes in my dishwasher. Going back to the computer to sort through emails that had come in.

While I was doing that, Harvey emailed back.

Always have time for you, Emme. How about noon? I’ll give you lunch. Drive safely.

I replied that I’d bring dessert, finished with my other emails and shut down my machine.

* * *

Fifteen hours later…

I parked on Broadway in Denver.

I was early.

I was early because I hadn’t slept great, thus was wide awake and ready to face the day at a God-awful hour. With nothing to occupy my mind except things I didn’t want occupying it, I decided to hit the road.

Harvey was expecting me at noon, which meant I had time to stop at Fortnum’s Used Books to get a coffee. When I lived in Denver, I went there all the time because the coffee was sublime. But also because it was just a cool place where you just wanted to hang. And the staff were hilarious.

I jumped down from the Bronco, cleared the door, my hand to it to slam it shut, my eyes moving the quarter of a block to the door to Fortnum’s that opened at a diagonal to the street corner.

I stopped dead.

And I stopped breathing.

But my heart started bleeding.

This was because Jacob was coming out of Fortnum’s, white paper coffee cup in his hand.

And with him was Elsbeth.

My hand clutched the edge of my door so hard it bit into my flesh as I stared, shocked, disbelieving, eviscerated, as they stopped on the corner.

Jacob looked down at her and gave her a small grin.

Already shredded, more pieces of me were torn away.

Elsbeth looked up at Jacob and returned his grin with a radiant smile.

Ragged and bleeding, more of me was stripped away.

Then Elsbeth moved into Jacob, rounded him with her arms and gave him a hug.

At that, standing there, seeing, breathing, feeling, still there was nothing left of me.

I could take no more.

I got in my truck, not looking, not doing anything but concentrating on getting the f*ck out of there. I turned the ignition on Persephone, guided her into traffic, kept my eyes from Fortnum’s and drove right past.

Luckily, just blocks down Broadway, there was an interchange to I-25.

I took it and headed home.

Harvey was going to worry.

I’d explain it to him later.

* * *

Three hours later…

I zipped up the bag on Jacob’s bed that held all my stuff.

I swallowed.

I looked down at Buford.

His tail wagged.


The vision of him started swimming.

I blinked and moved to grab my bag.

I stopped when I saw the kaleidoscope on Jacob’s nightstand.

I was wrong earlier. There was something left to me.

I knew this because seeing that kaleidoscope sliced away the final part of me.

I went to it, picked it up, held it carefully, studied it.

It really was a thing of beauty.

Suddenly, my hand fisted around it and I whirled, my arm flying out.

Buford got up to his feet and backed away.

But my grip refused to let it go. So when my motions were done, I was cradling it to my chest.

“Why?” I asked Buford.

Buford stared up at me, tongue lolling.

“Why was he with her? He said he hated her. He said he never wanted to see her again.”

Buford said nothing.

I shook my head, lifted the kaleidoscope and put it to my eye.

I turned the dials.

I didn’t see beauty. What I saw just made me dizzy.

I put it on the nightstand, grabbed my bag, bent to Buford and gave him ear scratches.

“I’ll miss you, puppy,” I whispered.

He turned his head and licked my wrist.

I walked out of Jacob’s house, so in a state, I totally forgot to engage the alarm.

I also ignored it when I heard Buford start barking. He didn’t bark much so if I wasn’t in such a state, I would have paid attention.

I didn’t.

I had other things on my mind.

But before I drove away, I went next door and asked the woman there if she’d see to Buford.

With a curious look at me, she agreed.

* * *




Dane

“Shut it,” Dane said to the damned dog, kicked him back and shut the door to the bedroom, keeping the dog out.

Dane had been following Emme and when she arrived at this place, he’d slipped into the big, fancy-assed house behind her.

And he’d watched.

And he f*cking hated what he saw.

His eyes moved to the kaleidoscope, then he walked there.

He picked it up but all he could see was Emme holding that f*cking thing to her chest like it was her baby.

And that thing was Deck’s. It was in Deck’s house. And it was something that meant something to that guy, with his big house and heated pool who thought his dick was big enough he could stand outside the courtroom and stare Dane down like Dane was scared of his ass. Like Dane wouldn’t give a shit that Deck had moved in on his woman practically the minute they met on the street.

And he’d met Emme on the street when Dane was right f*cking there.

Right f*cking there.

That kaleidoscope was something that meant something to Emme too. It meant something to Emme and that f*cking guy. Enough for her to cradle it. Enough for him to keep it on his nightstand.

So f*ck him.

And f*ck Emme.

Dane kept hold of the kaleidoscope and grabbed the box that obviously came with it and he moved to the window. He removed the screen, stole out, closed the window and put the screen back. He couldn’t lock it in place from outside but he didn’t give a f*ck. If it fell out, it fell out.

Standing outside that f*cking guy’s fancy-assed house in the cold, Dane made his decision of what he was going to do with that f*cking kaleidoscope.

Then he did it.

* * *




Emme

Two hours later…

My phone rang.

Again.

I ignored it and ripped off more paper.

It stopped ringing.

I held the steamer to the wall of the library.

“No,” I whispered, pulling the steamer away and ripping off more paper. “No,” I repeated, putting the steamer back to the wall.

My eyes went fuzzy.

My cheeks got wet.

“No,” I whimpered. “All I need is me. Just me. That’s all I need.”

I ripped off more paper.

* * *

The next morning…

I sat at my desk in my office at the yard.

My cell on the desk rang.

I ignored it.