Highly Suspicious and Unfairly Cute

“Mr. Darling’s office.”


“Mr. Darling’s— Minnie. It’s the first day of school. How are you on his shit list already?”

“I’m not,” she says primly. “It was a preliminary warning. You know: Focus on school this year, Michaela, or you’ll die homeless under a bridge by twenty-five. The usual morale-boosting stuff.”

“Oh, babe. That’s not true. He’s just jealous of your fabulous hair and giant brain.”

“Stop. You know I don’t listen to him. I have bigger plans.” It’s true. She’s going to be like Jessica Alba in my older sister’s favorite film, Honey, except much cooler and actually Black. Then she winks and taps the paper. “And so do you.”

No, I don’t: focusing on school is my big plan, because that’s how you get into Cambridge, which is how you get an excellent law degree and take over the world.

But I’ve done the research and read the forums: companies—including law firms—fall all over themselves to hire Breakspeare Enrichment Program alums because the program produces uniquely driven and capable candidates with work ethics and abilities worthy of Katharine’s own reputation. It’s not like other enrichment programs where you memorize textbooks and complete work experience. In this one, you’re put out into the wilderness where you try to survive and, ideally, thrive, for what I’m sure are completely logical reasons. (It is true that I’m hazy on details, but I trust that Katharine knows what she’s doing.)

Nature isn’t really my thing—not anymore. But I would gargle pond water to get within three feet of this opportunity for the clout alone, never mind the scholarship. So it turns out this is it: my new agenda for the last year of school. Goodbye, Latin Club, and farewell to volunteering at the animal hospital.

It’s time to make space for camping with Katharine.

Apparently, anyone interested in the details can attend a meeting in Nottingham later this week. I flip the leaflet over, searching for a map, but instead I see a QR code labeled “RSVP” and the logos of all the companies involved. The list is long. Some are huge, like Boots; some are small but powerful, like Games Workshop; and I see plenty of law firms, too, which is—

Oh.

My dad’s firm is a sponsor.

Minnie sees my face, then follows my gaze. “What? What?” She squints at the page.

“Wear your glasses, Michaela,” I mutter sharply.

“Not with these lashes.” She bats her falsies at me (I think I feel a breeze), then reads “?‘Lawrence, Needham and Soro, corporate law, established 1998.’?”

I swallow hard. My throat is dry again. I chug some more water.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Minnie says. “I do need that, you know. You want me to dry up like a prune?” She reclaims the mammoth bottle and says, “Soro. Why does that sound familiar? Soro, Soro—”

“My dad works there.”

Minnie winces. She’s my best friend, so we know stuff about each other’s families. As in, I know her gran’s a lesbophobic cowbag and she knows my dad ditched us for his second family ten years ago and I haven’t seen him since. The usual girl stuff. Grimacing, she squeaks, “Maybe the sponsoring firms won’t be super involved?”

“I honestly couldn’t care less.” I’m not lying. He’s the one with something to be ashamed of. I’m the one who’s a credit to my family name.

Which is Bangura, not Soro, thank you very much.

I slip the leaflet into my bag, pressed between the pages of a textbook to keep it fresh and uncreased. “I’ll think about this. Thanks, Min.”

She blows me a kiss as the bell rings, and we get up for class. Only then do I realize who slunk into the Beech Hut while Minnie and I were talking.

Bradley Graeme is here.

Alongside, you know, a ton of other people, but he stands out as the King of Uselessness. He and his breathless fan club are ensconced at their usual table, miles away from the admin office, which allows them to get away with breaking all kinds of rules.

Case in point: Bradley Graeme is currently bouncing a Completely Illicit Football off his head. His short, shiny twists are jumping, and his grin is wide and carefree the way only a truly terrible person’s can be.

Minnie leans in as we walk by. “Do you think Brad’s applying to Cambridge?”

“Of course he is,” I mutter. When does he ever miss a chance to show off?

“So, you might see him at interviews and stuff. Right?”

Ugh. God forbid. “I don’t care, stop looking at him.”

She arches an eyebrow. “You started it.”

Yeah, well. Who can avoid looking at Bradley? His sheer annoyingness creates its own gravitational pull.

His fan club—consisting of 70 percent boys’ football team and 30 percent girls whose parents pay for their mammoth Depop wardrobes, which equals 100 percent skinny, glowing people who practice TikTok dances unironically and spend their weekends being bland and hooking up at house parties—is absolutely entranced by his tomfoolery like they’ve never seen a ball before. Except for Jordan Cooper, who rolls his eyes, snatches the ball out of the air, and says in his flat American accent, “Cut it out, or Mr. Darling will rip you a new one.”

(Mr. Darling is our head of year, a tightly wound geography teacher who hands out detentions like he gets paid by the hour.)

Bradley just laughs as if he fears nothing in the world—which is an absolute lie. But then, I’ve always believed he is fake and false and entirely made of earth-destroying plastic, so…that tracks.

I’m in the process of looking away with withering disdain when he—inconvenient down to his very soul—glances up and catches my eye. Great. I give him my filthiest look, but his grin doesn’t falter.

In fact, it gets wider. He raises his eyebrows, and I can practically read his thoughts: Watching me again, Bangura?

I glare. You wish.

His smile turns into a smirk.

Ugh.





BRAD


September’s supposed to be fresh and crisp like the empty pages of my brand-new notebook, but so far, it’s murky and hot as balls. When Max Donovan drags the gang up to the field at lunch and asks, “Five-a-side?” I look at him like he’s off his nut. What, does he want me to sweat through my first-day-of-school outfit?

“No thanks,” Jordan says while I’m still contemplating the horrors of unplanned exercise. He doesn’t mind sweating out of uniform; he just has this thing about treating his Yeezys right.

Donno rolls his eyes and chucks the ball my way. “Bradders. You in?”

I’m not, but I can’t resist the urge to keep it off the ground. A quick tap with my right foot, my left, then my knee, then my chest. “No thanks,” I say, and do it again.

“Show-off,” Jordan murmurs.

I stick my tongue out at him and kick the ball back to Donno, who snorts derisively. “Christ, you’re a pair of wet wipes.” He’s our team captain, in possession of a killer left foot, floppy golden hair, and sparkling blue eyes. His smiles are always wide and mocking, barely hiding his fangs. I used to have the most unholy crush on him. “What about the rest of you pillocks?”

The guys milling around this makeshift pitch practically stand to attention. I imagine rigid salutes and a chorus of Sir, yes, sir! to match their worshipful looks. Donno has an ego problem—I’m qualified to point this out because I also have an ego problem—and the team really doesn’t help.

Jordan and I leave them to it. There’s a weeping willow at the edge of this field creating a pool of cool, green shade that’s calling my name.

Five minutes later, we’re curtained off from the rest of the world by a veil of leaves. I lie back, head on my rucksack, and crack open my well-loved copy of All Systems Red. I’m rereading the Murderbot Diaries again, mostly to torture myself with the fact that I’ll never write anything this good.

Or possibly anything at all.

But I don’t entertain defeatist thoughts. Dr. Okoro taught me not to invite them in for tea.

“Hey, Brad,” Jordan says out of the blue. “What do you think of Minnie Digby?”

I study him over the top of my book. “Minnie Digby?”

“Yeah.” He looks down, probably hoping his mop of curls will hide the blush on his light brown cheeks. “You know, the one who hangs around with—”

“I know who Michaela Digby hangs around with.”

He smirks again. “Oh yeah. Of course you do.”

“I’m a good friend, so I’m ignoring that comment.” Jordan has a twisted mind that contains batshit theories about me and persons I will not stoop to name. (Okay, fine: her name is Celine Bangura, and she is my archnemesis. Happy?)

I shut my book—which is a real sacrifice, considering Murderbot’s currently deciding whether or not to rip someone’s arm off—and try to answer his question. “I think…” That Minnie Digby keeps poor company. That if she ever dares to disagree with her glorious leader about literally anything, ever, she’ll be dropped on her arse at the speed of light. That—