“He thinks I’m wrong. He said he was trying to help.”
“Sounds like Gabriel is trying to control your paper like he tries to control everything else. I thought he was in therapy for that.”
Julia was quiet for a moment.
“I don’t want him to lie to me just to spare my feelings. If the paper needs work, I need to know that.”
“He should know how to help you without saying your paper is terrible.”
Julia exhaled in frustration. “Exactly. He says he wants to start a family with me. Then he turns around and acts like a condescending ass.”
Rachel lifted her hand and gestured for her friend to stop. “Wait a minute. He wants to have kids?”
Julia squirmed. “Yes.”
“Jules, that’s huge! I’m so happy for you. When are you going to start trying?”
“Not for a while. We agreed to wait until I graduate.”
“That’s a long time.” Rachel’s voice grew quiet.
“It would be too difficult to work on a PhD and have a baby.”
Rachel nodded. She fidgeted with the hem of her T-shirt.
“We’d like to have a baby.”
Julia moved so that she could see her friend better. “What, now?”
“Maybe.”
“How did you know you were ready?”
Rachel smiled. “I don’t, really. I’ve always wanted kids, and Aaron feels the same way. We’ve been talking about it since high school. I love Aaron. I would be happy to live with him, just the two of us. But when I envision the future, I see kids. I want us to have someone who will come home for Christmas. If I learned anything from losing my mother, it’s that life is uncertain. I don’t want to wait to start a family and then lose my chance.”
Julia felt tears threatening, but she blinked them back. “You have yearly mammograms, right?”
“Yes, and I’ve had genetic testing. I don’t have the breast cancer gene, but I don’t think Mom had it, either. Even if she did, by the time they would have realized it, it was too late.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Rachel sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t like talking about it, but it weighs on me. What happens if we have kids, and I get cancer? It’s always in the back of my mind.”
She turned to face her friend. “Having kids is one way to rid Gabriel of his condescending attitude.”
“Why’s that?”
“He won’t be condescending when the baby empties a dirty diaper on him. He’ll be shouting your name, begging for help.”
Julia laughed. But all too soon, she grew sober.
“I just want him to think that my ideas are important. They’re just as important as his.”
“Of course they are. Tell him that.”
“I will. But right now, I’m not speaking to him.”
Rachel ran her hand over the armrest, back and forth.
“He’s come a long way. To see him married and talking about starting a family—it’s remarkable. Mom told me that when they first brought Gabriel home, he used to hide food in his room. No matter what they said or did, he pocketed something at every meal.”
“Was he hungry?”
“He was afraid of being hungry. He didn’t trust that Mom and Dad would feed him. So he was building up a reserve for when they stopped. He didn’t unpack his bags, either. Not until after they adopted him. He kept expecting them to send him away.”
“I didn’t know that.” Julia’s heart felt heavy.
Rachel offered her a sympathetic look. “He’s my brother and I love him. But he speaks without thinking. His issue with your paper is probably that you didn’t write it the way he would have.”
“I’m not going to write things his way. I have my own ideas.”
“My advice is to talk to him. Of course, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let him sweat a little. Make him sleep on the couch.”
“Unfortunately, I’ll probably be the one on the couch.” Julia pointed to the sofa that stood against the opposite wall.
To say that dinner was awkward would be an understatement.
Julia and Gabriel sat side by side. They even held hands during grace. But there was only painful, detached politeness—no warm glances, no whispered words of affection, no fleeting touches under the table.
Gabriel’s spine was ramrod straight, his demeanor cool. Julia was quiet and remote.
Richard, Aaron, and Rachel kept the conversation fluid while the Emersons barely spoke. After dinner, Julia declined dessert and excused herself to work on her lecture.
Gabriel’s eyes followed her as she left the table, a muscle jumping in his jaw. But he didn’t stop her. He simply watched her walk away.
When Rachel went to the kitchen to make coffee, Aaron decided that he’d had enough. He leaned across the table.
“Man, suck it up and tell her you’re sorry.”
Gabriel lifted his eyebrows.