“Never mind. I have to go.” I dug money out of my wallet, left extra for a tip on the counter, and hopped off the barstool.
I knew how to show her I cared. Even if there was a good chance I was going to be shot down, it was a risk I was willing to take.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jules
Ryan had taught me a special lesson: people let you down. After spending all of yesterday emptying my tears onto Payton’s shoulder, I pulled myself together. No more tears for anyone who only thought of me as a summer fling. The other girl.
I had bigger things to deal with today. Mom had stayed an extra day, shopping down in San Fran before returning home. I’d invited her to coffee. Honestly, I was done caring about what people thought of me. This was my life, and dammit, I was going to live it the way I wanted. I’d been a coward for too long, giving in to whatever she wanted, trying to please her. No more.
At eleven, I pulled up to my favorite coffee shop, Coffee Addicts Anonymous. I had work in an hour, giving me an excuse to leave if things got too heated. Mom was already seated on a plush velvet chair sipping on her iced coffee. I ordered a mocha and sat down in the seat across from her.
“Hello, Juliette.” Her mouth pursed when she said my name, like it actually soured her taste buds.
“Hi, Mom.” Keep calm. You can do this. You are the key to your own happiness.
“How are you doing today?”
I cleared my throat and smoothed my sweaty palms over my jeans.
Look her in the eye. Do it. I forced myself to meet her disapproving gaze. “Not that great.”
“Is this about that boyfriend of yours? You know that you could do much better. I can arrange for you to go on a date with Melanie Davis’s son. The architect. You remember him, don’t you?”
“Mom, Drake is thirty. And I’m not here to talk about Ryan.” She didn’t need to know that he’d ripped my heart in two.
“Police officers don’t make very much money. How will you provide for your children? You don’t want them to go to public school or shop at Walmart, do you?”
“What children?” And what was wrong with public school or Walmart? My lip curled as I regarded my mother. Blood pounded in my ears, and my chin quivered. Was this really the woman who raised me? Would I end up like her? So judgmental, poisonous. We were on two completely different wavelengths. Two different planets. “Never mind. I wanted to talk to you about college.”
She let out a heavy sigh and sipped at her coffee, still managing to glare at me over her cup. “This again?”
She can’t hurt you. Do this for you. I took a deep breath and dug my nails into my palms. I could barely form words to override the whoosh whoosh whoosh of my pulse, my body begging to run away from this situation, or lay belly-up, surrendering, like I’d been doing for years. But not anymore. I deserved to be happy. “I don’t want to be a doctor.”
Mom waved her hand dismissively. “Honey, we’ve worked so hard for this. Only a few more years and you’ll be done with school. You’ll have a respectable and lucrative career.”
You are the key to your own happiness. God dammit, girl, don’t give in. Everything in me wanted to relent, to go along with what she said, but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream why can’t you just love me the way I am? but it wouldn’t make a difference. That wasn’t my mom. Her love came with a contingency clause. And I was ready to sever our contract. I needed to follow my true passion, regardless of her support. I would never be happy as a doctor. “This isn’t a ‘we’ decision. I need to make decisions for myself. And I’d really like to be an athletic trainer.”
She scoffed. “How can you make decisions for yourself when you obviously need our help?”
Como? Pretty sure I was the one who earned my grades, not her or Dad. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“If we hadn’t checked you into rehab last year, you’d have lost your spot in medical school. We’ve put so much time and energy into this. You were meant to be a doctor.”
I clutched my coffee and ground my teeth together. Nothing I said was getting through to her. My head throbbed and an ache filled my chest to think that she didn’t give a crap about what I wanted. I had to squeeze my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.
“Dr. Presley, the one who I introduced you to at the Christmas party two years ago told me she’d love to help with your residency after you graduate. It’s all planned.” She continued on, mapping out my future for me, completely ignoring what I’d said. She honestly thought that she could rule my life, like I was a little kid, scheduling soccer practices, art lessons, and quiz practice time.
No more.
I was better than this. I deserved to be happy. This was my life.
“I know you said you aren’t that fond of the hospital, but the emergency room would be a good place to start—”
“Stop.” I didn’t yell, but my clipped tone made Mom’s mouth gape open.
“Excuse me?” She blinked a few times, clearly shocked that I had interjected.