When I heard the unmistakable sound of water splashing, I rushed into the bedroom. I tripped twice while attempting to untangle my feet from the sheets. My heart was racing for the few seconds it took me to make it into the bathroom.
“Mama. Look!” Kennedy was standing safe, sound, and proud next to the large garden tub. Amidst the bubbles were various toys and dolls floating. Some had even sunk to the bottom. It wasn’t the toys, however causing the pounding near my temple. Nearly the entire bathroom floor was covered in sudsy water, among other things.
“Kennedy, what did I tell you about the bathroom?”
Her smile slowly faded as she tucked her hands behind her back. She may be young, but she was extremely adept at sensing moods and from the tone of my voice, there was no question that I wasn’t happy.
“But mama, there wasn’t a gate.”
“You know my rules, and you could have been hurt.”
“How?” she placed her hands on her hips. “Bubbles are nice.”
“Oh? Should we call your uncles and ask them?”
Her eyes had widened before she yelled, “You wouldn’t!”
“Oh, I would,” I whispered and winked for good measure. “Now, I want you to go to your room and think about what you did, and maybe I won’t call them.”
She wasted no time stomping off with an attitude. It was pitiful how much better Keiran and Dash were at disciplining her yet she worshiped the ground they walked on.
Dash, unfortunately, had just left for Germany and wasn’t scheduled to fly back for another couple of months. He was learning how to run the family business and so Keiran would pick up the slack in disciplining Kennedy.
I may not have been lacking in the parenting department, but the extra help always came in handy, and Kennedy responded better to her uncles.
Since I was done with school and only had graduation left, I mentally planned an entire day for us to pig out on snacks with a slew of Disney movies for company until I remembered Kennedy had an eye doctor appointment. My kid had been squinting enough times lately for me to worry that her eyesight was poor.
“Hey, brat!” I called to her from my bedroom.
“Yes, Mother?”
“Oh, so now I’m mother?” I knew what her game was. When she was upset with me, she called me mother instead of mama.
“We have somewhere to be. Can you get dressed for mama?” I stressed the word for emphasis.
A stretch of silence greeted me before she begrudgingly answered with, “I suppose.” It came out more like ‘pose‘ but it made me laugh all the same. I shook my head and admitted to myself that sometimes I couldn’t believe she was really mine. She was a piece of work, which I fully blamed her sperm donor for it.
Somewhere where my conscious lived, I knew it wasn’t entirely his fault he wasn’t here for her, but the scorned woman in me disagreed. He made the decision to run away whether or not he knew what that night had created.
My parents had been away, and Dash never came home, so Keenan had been free and all too willing to bend me to his will repeatedly throughout the night. I couldn’t even remember ever using protection. He had taken me hard and unapologetically. It was brutal in more ways than one, and like a fool, I let him take out his frustrations and hatred between my thighs. But still, the only thing I regretted about that night was losing him forever after, but it had been my choice.
“Mama, can I wear my new leggings?” Kennedy’s voice brought me back to the present and called attention to the heated flush spreading over my skin. Nothing about that night was right or even could be called sane, but it never failed to warm me in places that hadn’t been touched… or claimed… in four years.
“That depends,” I teased as I pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, “will you need help putting them on?”
“Mommy, Uncle Keke said I was a big girl so I can do it by myself,” she fussed.
“I was just asking. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” I muttered under my breath. I had to be careful of what I said around her. She paid attention and repeated almost everything she heard.
Not wanting to leave her alone for too long, I cleaned up the bathroom and showered as quickly as possible and dressed even quicker. The days of lingering showers and meticulous outfit selections were long over. Besides being so young, she could have a seizure at any moment.
Every second I was afraid for my daughter.
I lived for her, yet she terrified me.
I wondered if this was what true love really felt like.
After Kennedy had been dressed and fed, we headed thirty minutes into town to the family optometrist belting out lyrics along with Katy Perry.
Coming back to Six Forks always made me nervous. After finding out about Kennedy, my relationship with my parents had become strained for many reasons. My parents had never fully supported my dreams to become a fashion model, and until the day they found out I was pregnant, they held high hopes that they could talk me into a more respectable profession. One that required a four-year degree.