Faster We Burn

chapter Nine

Stryker

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Adam said to me as we waited in the living room for our respective girls to come back. He’d gravitated toward me, since we were both outsiders. He’d found some beer in the fridge and had brought one back for me. Normally I would have turned it down since I wanted to make a good impression on Katie’s parents, but I could use a little liquid courage right about now.

“Probably not recipes,” I said. The rest of Katie’s family and neighbors gave Adam and me some space, including Katie’s Dad, who was busy dealing with the dishes.

“So what’s your story?” he said, sitting down on the couch. I joined him, setting my beer bottle on a leaf-shaped coaster.

I shrugged. “Katie took pity on a guy who didn’t have a family to spend Thanksgiving with.” More or less.

He smiled and shook his head. “Yeah, I’m not buying that. You’re into her.”

“Well, we do have a sort of…arrangement.” I figured he was a smart enough guy to read between the lines.

“Arrangements often turn into something else. Be careful, kid. Those Hallman women have a way of infiltrating your life until you can’t see anything but them. How do you think Kayla got that ring on her finger?” He took another swig and looked at me.

I was saved from forming an answer with the arrival of a grumpy-faced Katie.

“Did you bring your stuff to stay the night?” she said, leaning on the back of the couch.

“Yeah, it’s in my car.”

She gave me a tight smile.

“Great, I’ll help you bring it in.” She pivoted on her heel and headed for the front door.

“Better get on that,” Adam said to me as Kayla walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I nodded and walked toward the front door where Katie was waiting for me.

“What was that about?” I said.

“Oh, nothing. Just my mom being judgmental.” She wrenched the door open and stomped down the porch. I grabbed her arm and made her sit down on the steps.

“It’s about me, isn’t it?” It was only a matter of time. I was surprised it hadn’t come up earlier. I guess I had Kayla and her announcement to thank for that.

Katie growled and banged her hand on the step. I’d never seen her this frustrated before. It was kind of cute and also a huge turn-on. Frustrated sex was something we hadn’t tried. Yet.

“She just pisses me off. When I dated Zack she rolled out the red carpet for him. He brought her flowers and kissed her ass and she bought every second of it. You know, she doesn’t really believe that he hurt me as bad as he did. Even though she saw it.” I couldn’t believe that. It just wasn’t possible.

“So she thinks you’re lying? That you did it to yourself? Because that’s pretty f*cked up.”

“No.” She dug her fingers into her eyes, and I pulled her hands away and held onto them. “She just bought what he sold her. This all-American guy who was going to be my one true love. The perfect boyfriend. I guess she’s just having a hard time letting go of that.”

“But why? Why does she want that for you so much?” I rubbed my thumbs over the backs of her hands, trying to do anything I could to make this better for her.

“Because that’s what she and Dad were. High school sweethearts. Captain of the football team and the captain of the cheering squad. It sounds like a movie, but that’s how it happened for them. I know they fight a lot, but they really love each other. It’s not crazy that she would want that for me.” No, it wasn’t, I guess.

“But what about what you want?” I let go of one of her hands, pulled a pen out of my back pocket where I always kept one and started doodling on the back of her hand. She looked down for a second, but didn’t stop me. Her sleeves hid the place where I’d done the drawing before, but I was sure she’d probably already washed it off.

“That doesn’t factor in as much,” she said, holding still.

“That’s a shame.”

I could feel her watching me as I swept the tip of the pen across her skin.

“I shouldn’t be bitching about my parents, especially in front of you.”

I shook my head.

“It’s okay, Katie. I want you to tell me what you’re feeling. Whatever that is. Your feelings are important. Never forget that.” I looked up from my drawing and gave her a quick smile before going back to work.

“Adam seems nice,” I said, trying to shift the conversation onto less-volatile ground.

“I knew she was seeing some guy, but I had no idea it was this serious. Mom’s thrilled that he’s going to be a doctor, of course. But seriously, who does that? She’s only known him for a few months.” She shifted closer to me, using me as a shield to block some of the wind that was whipping leftover leaves around the yard.

“Maybe it’s real,” I said, moving the design up to her wrist.

“I should hope it’s real. She’s marrying him.”

Leaning her head down to see the design better, she breathed in my ear.

“You’re really talented, Stryker.”

“Thanks, sweetheart. You make a good canvas.” I tilted my head and found her mouth nearly touching mine. She smiled slowly and pressed her lips against mine tentatively. As if she’d never kissed me before. As if we were two teenagers coming home after a date and neither of us had the guts to kiss the other, but she decided to go for it anyway.

Instead of attacking her, I stayed perfectly still, letting her skin melt into mine. I kept my hands and tongue to themselves and just savored the sweetest and softest of kisses.

And then the door opened and I heard a gasp.

Katie pulled away and we both looked over our shoulders and I met the livid eyes of Mrs. Hallman.

“Mom,” Katie said, scrambling to her feet. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“Really? Because what I saw was you kissing a guy you claimed was just a friend who needed a family to spend Thanksgiving with, who happens to look like he just got out of prison.”

“Mrs. Hallman—” I started to say, but a single glare from her shut me up. Mr. Hallman was right behind her, putting his hand on her shoulder and talking softly in her ear. That was my cue to make myself scarce.

“I’ll give you a minute,” I said, heading for my car.

Katie tried to stop me, but this wasn’t my place. She had some issues to work out, and my being there wasn’t going to help. I didn’t know if I should still get my stuff or not.

I couldn’t count the number of times I’d been kicked out of a house, but this one felt shittier than any time before.

Deciding I should give them a few minutes, I got in my backseat and stretched out, grabbing the violin I’d brought. It seemed like a better choice than the guitar or my uke.

I plucked a few strings and wondered how the conversation with Katie and her parents was going. I really shouldn’t have let Katie convince me to come. I also shouldn’t have kissed her, but what was done was done.

I’d had a lot of “shouldn’t haves” with Katie.

I pulled out my bow, swiped some rosin across it and started playing. I started with “Holding On and Letting Go”, by Ross Copperman and moved to “Hysteria”, by Muse and then to “I Want You”, by Andrew Allen.

Every song made me think of Katie. I poked my head up and glanced at the porch where they were still talking. It didn’t look good, because Katie was using her hands while she spoke. She only did that when she was especially pissed. She was also leaning heavily on one hip, which was another bad sign.

The thing that almost made me laugh was that her mother was doing the same thing. Guess the apple didn’t fall far from that tree. Mr. Hallman looked like a referee who was trying to let both sides win.

My phone chose that moment to chime with a call from Trish.

“Hey, how’s Thanksgiving with the Cleavers?” she said, sounding quite cheerful, for Trish.

“It’s been…interesting. How’s yours?”

“Well, I’ve been invited to move in, so that’s good, I guess. Lottie’s parents are pretty cool. They’re both seriously smart though. You’d fit right in.”

“Probably better than I do here,” I said under my breath.

“Her mom’s freaking out, isn’t she?”

“Just a bit, but she did catch us kissing on the porch after Katie told her I was just a friend.”

She snorted. “Dude, can’t you keep it in your pants for one day?”

“It wasn’t that kind of kiss.”

“What kind of kiss was it, lover boy?”

“Look, I’m not discussing this with you right now.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Katie storm off the porch and march her way toward my car, her face as dark as a hurricane. “Gotta go. Say hi to everyone for me.”

“Will do. Bye.”

Katie wrenched open the car door and climbed in without further ado.

“How did it go?” I said. She pushed my violin out of the way and lay on top of me. That was unexpected, but it didn’t mean my dick didn’t respond accordingly.

“Will you take me somewhere so we can f*ck?” Her hands started working on my shirt and it took every ounce of willpower I had to grab them and make them stop.

“Now? You want to f*ck in the middle of your family’s Thanksgiving dinner?” Even for me, that was a little extreme.

“Not in the middle of it. I just…I need to get away for a little while. I need a physical distraction.”

She tried to wrench her hands away from my grip, but I wouldn’t let her, so she started grinding her hips against me. Damn, she knew how to push all the right buttons.

“Katie, stop. Seriously. We can’t f*ck every time you have a problem and don’t want to deal with it. Not that I don’t enjoy every second of it, but it never solves anything.”

She looked down at me and I watched her face break and the tears start to fall on my shirt. I let her have her hands back so she could wipe them away.

“I’m being stupid,” she said, moving so I could get out from under her. “I’m sorry. That was impulsive and stupid.” She pulled her knees up on the seat and I sat beside her.

“Look, you may think that your mom is being crazy, but everything she’s doing is because she loves you. She loves you so much she’s trying to protect you from the scary pierced and tattooed guy. Most mothers would have the same reaction.”

“You’re not scary.”

“To a mother with a daughter, I am. To be fair, you didn’t give her a good warning about who was going to show up. You could have given her a heads up. Why didn’t you?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t know.” Refusing to look at me, she just stared at the half-finished drawing on her hand and wrist.

“Tell me the truth, Katie. Did you not tell her about me on purpose to make a point? To piss her off?”

Her head rose and her red eyes met mine.

“Is that what you think of me?” she whispered.

“Is it true?” It wouldn’t have surprised me if it was, even if she wasn’t aware that was what she’d been doing.

She shook her head and put her hands in the air.

“I don’t know, Stryker. Maybe a little. She just made me so mad about Zack. But it’s not just that. Not anymore.”

She traced one finger on the design I’d made.

“But I told you, I can’t do this. The relationship thing. Not with you. Yes, maybe I was using you, and I’m sorry. I guess I get the douche award today.”

I nodded, since I’d expected as much. So why did it bother me? I slid away from her and got out, pulling open the driver’s side door.

“Are you leaving?” she said, getting out of the backseat and standing behind me.

“I don’t belong here, Katie. I don’t want to cause problems between you and your family.” I should have turned around the second I walked in the door, but I’d thought maybe I could make it work, but I’d been fooling myself. For a few moments, I’d imagined what it would be like to be a member of her family, but it would never happen. Could never happen.

“Why did you come?” She put her hand on the door so I couldn’t move it.

“Because you invited me and I thought it would be nice to see what a Thanksgiving is supposed to look like. I’ve never had one before.”

She pulled in a quick breath, as if I’d said something that shocked her.

“Way to make me feel like shit, Stryker.” She stepped back and looked up at the sky. “Why do you put up with me?”

“I ask myself that question a lot. I still haven’t come up with an answer.”

She tipped her head to the side and squinted at me.

“Come on. Let’s go back inside. Dad’s probably got mom under control enough. Why don’t you bring your violin? You’ll seduce everyone with your musical genius. You don’t have to stay the night. Just for an hour.”

She gave me a smile and it was the kind that a girl could use to sweet talk her way out of a speeding ticket, or out of paying the cover at a club, or to get the codes for a top-secret government facility. Christ, she could make me do anything.

“Please?” Little did she know, if she asked me to cut off my right arm with a rusty saw, I would have done it for that smile and that little ‘please.’

I could do this. It didn’t have to be a big deal.

“Fine. But if your mom takes me out to the backyard and shoots me, it’s your fault.”

“She doesn’t even know how to use a gun. It’s my dad you have to worry about when it comes to using firearms.”

“Good to know,” I said as she pulled my violin out of the back and handed it to me.



Katie



Stryker stayed. Mom got herself together with the help of Dad, and everyone else warmed to him after he started interacting, and especially after he played a heartbreaking rendition of “Brown Eyed Girl”. Dad belted it out and danced her around the living room and she laughed as he dipped her. I rolled my brown eyes when I recognized the song, but Grampa Jack just laughed and joined Dad with his baritone voice.

Kayla got me aside for a few minutes as Mom served everyone coffee and Grampa Jack told stories about the Vietnam War.

“You like him, Katiebug. Admit it.”

“Keep your voice down,” I said, glancing at the group in the living room. “It’s complicated. He’s just a distraction.”

“Yeah, okay. You just keep telling yourself that.”

Adam walked into the kitchen and Kayla wrapped her arms around him.

“Hey, husband.”

“Hey, wife,” he said and they shared a quick kiss. “Sorry to break up the sisterly moment, but I wanted to have a chance to talk to the girl who’s going to be my new little sister.”

“First of all, the way to butter me up isn’t to call me ‘little sister’, okay?” I said.

Adam just grinned a wide smile and looked at Kayla.

“Yeah, she’s exactly like you said she would be,” he said.

I was at a loss for something to say, so Kayla just honked my nose.

“Well, you didn’t tell me anything about him, sooo…” I said, poking her in the ribs.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Kayla said. Adam jumped into to rescue her.

“It’s my fault. I told her not to say anything. I didn’t know how your family would react, seeing as how they hadn’t even met me yet. I wanted her to keep the engagement a secret, but I lost that fight. It will be the first of many, I’m sure.”

“Yes, yes you did.” Kayla twisted the ring on her finger.

“Couldn’t spring for the big rock, Adam?” I said, but this time Kayla saved him from answering.

“I didn’t want one. There’s no point in having a huge diamond when we’re going to be going into areas where people don’t even have drinking water. It seemed extravagant. Plus, it would get stolen quicker than you could say, ‘stick ‘em up.’”

“So what are you two going to do after you get married?”

“I still have to get through medical school, so I’ll be doing that and then I want to join Doctors Without Borders and travel around the world. I’m lucky I found a girl who wants to go with me,” Adam said as Kayla rocked back and forth, taking him with her.

“Now you’re stuck with me, husband.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, wife.”

“Get a room,” I said, pretending to be disgusted. I’d never seen her like this.

Kayla had always been selfless. Between starting a penny drive that raised thousands of dollars for the food pantry when she was seven to the hundreds of hours of community service she’d put in, to volunteering to go places other people would avoid so she could build wells and deliver mosquito nets and help anyone who needed it.

My parents secretly wished her altruistic values would rub off on me, but no such luck. Attempting to be better than Kayla was something I didn’t even want to try. Plus, I was a self-centered brat almost half of the time. Some people would say it was more.

“We’re just going to do whatever feels right. You know?”

“Yeah,” I said, even though I had no idea what she was talking about.

She sighed and looked at the clock. “We should get going soon,” Kayla said. “We’re flying back on Saturday.”

“Where are you staying?”

“We haven’t figured that out yet,” Kayla said.

“You can stay in the basement,” Dad said, jumping into the conversation. For a tall guy, he was really good at sneaking up on people. “There’s that extra bed down there. We got brand new sheets and everything.” I shared a look with Kayla. The basement hadn’t changed much from when she’d moved out, and she knew that.

“Oh, that’s fine Dad, I’m sure we can just get a hotel room or something.”

“Absolutely not.” Mom wasn’t as quiet as Dad. Especially because she was wearing her ugliest and most-comfortable shoes, which made her sound like a Clydesdale when she walked. “You are staying here. I haven’t seen you in months, and we need to get wedding planning.”

“Oh, Mom, that’s not –” Kayla was interrupted by Mom grabbing her and dragging her away.

I’m so sorry, Adam mouthed at Kayla as she was led away.

“She’s been planning a wedding since we knew we were having at least one daughter,” Dad said to Adam. “It’s pointless fighting it.”

“I hope Kayla’s going to tell her that we didn’t want a huge thing. Just my family and hers and a few of our friends. It’s going to be expensive enough flying them all in to wherever we’re going to have it, even though I don’t have a huge family,” Adam said. He didn’t know my mother at all.

“I hate to break it to you, but I think she’s already got a venue chosen,” Dad said. “I’ve tried to stop her, but once she gets something into her head she just goes for it.”

“See? This is what you get to look forward to,” I said to Adam as Stryker started taking requests and I moved toward the living room.

“Hey, Katiebug, can you come help me set up the bed downstairs?” Dad gave me a look that meant he wanted to talk. At least he was more subtle about it than Mom.

“See you later, future big brother,” I said to Adam as I followed Dad down the stairs to the basement. The violin music faded behind us, and I hoped Stryker would be okay on his own for a few minutes. My mom had a serious problem collecting furniture, bordering on an obsession, and most of it was stored in the basement. Since I’d been at school they’d painted the walls and moved some of it out of the way so you could at least walk from one side of the room to the other without climbing over something. Sort of.

The bed for Kayla and Adam to share was shoved in a corner, so Dad and I moved it out a bit so they could at least get in and out of it without crashing into one of the lamps Mom couldn’t say no to, or the gigantic chest that could have passed for a coffin.

“He’s an interesting young man you brought home, Katiebug. Is he your boyfriend?” He pulled a sheet set out of the ‘rustic’ dresser Mom had paid an arm and a leg for.

“Well, Dad don’t beat around the bush.” We shook the sheets and set about making up the bed. “No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“But you want him to be.”

I wished everyone would stop asking me that. “I don’t know what I want. Right now, after everything with Zack, I can’t really think about dating. It’s just too complicated.”

“I think that’s a good plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to work. Sometimes life gets in the way.”

“Hmm,” I said tucking a corner of the fitted sheet over the mattress.

“Mom doesn’t like him, does she?” I said.

Dad spread the flat sheet out and started tucking it in, looking down at the drawing Stryker had done. He really was crazy talented.

“I’m not so sure about him myself, Katie. He’s not who I would have chosen for you.”

“I’m not choosing him. He’s just a guy I’m hanging out with.” That was all he needed to know. I would rather dive naked into a volcano than admit to Dad that Stryker and I were having casual sex. Hell, my parents hadn’t even had ‘the talk’ with me. They’d handed me one of those books with graphic anatomically correct drawings and said to come to them with any questions. Little did they know that Britt’s Dad had a secret porn collection we’d sampled during junior high sleepovers when her parents went to bed.

“Have you heard from Zack?” Dad said as we tucked the quilt over the flat sheet. I knew he wouldn’t have brought it up, so Mom must have convinced him to do it.

“Not really. I think his parents are keeping him on a short leash. I’ll have to see him soon enough.” Bless our legal system for drawing this whole thing out longer and longer.

“He’s talented.” Dad tossed a pillowcase at me and I slid it over one of the pillows. It took me a second to shift gears and realize he wasn’t talking about Zack.

“Yeah, he is.” I sighed. “He intimidates me.”

“He is, ah,” he said, coughing, “intimidating.” Our eyes met and he smiled.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t know what I feel anymore.” We finished with the bed and I glanced back up the stairs. “We should get back before Mom plans Kayla’s entire wedding.”

“I never really liked Zack. Just so you know.” He put his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “You know how you feel, I think. You’re just scared because you’re hurt, but that will pass. You’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him back and we walked up the stairs together.