My dad walks in with the same expression on his face that he’s had for a week now and it’s clear the news today crushed him. “Dr. Harrington believes this place you’re going is the best in the state.”
“See, Nate? I told you they are sending me to the best place there is.”
“Will you stop saying they’re sending you away? It’s like you’re getting shipped off and we’re never going to see you again.” I feel bad for snapping at my mom, but my tolerance for all this worry is wearing thin. Besides, I’m protective of her, especially since losing Arion.
“You know what I mean.” She reaches for my hand and my dad’s too. All three of us sit in silence, not saying a word. There is a sense of fear amongst us for what the future holds.
“How long do you have to be there for?” I ask.
She looks at my dad with tears in her eyes. I already know what the answer is. They haven’t given her a timeline. It all depends on whether or not she can regain her strength and walk again. My mind starts to spiral…what if she never walks again? Immediately, I fear the worst and have to excuse myself from the room. I take a breath on my way out, to keep myself in the moment and in control. Emerging into the hallway, the doctor is still out there talking to one of the nurses. When I’d talked to him earlier, I’d felt the information he was giving us was really vague. He looks right at me and asks me, “How are you doing?”
I shake my head, “I don’t know.”
“Can I help?”
“I’m not sure how to say this, but what if my mom’s MS gets worse, or if she can’t bounce back from this?”
He takes his glasses off and rests a hand on my shoulder. “The course of the disease is different for everyone. Right now, it’s too difficult to predict what will happen, so my advice is to be positive for your mom. It’ll make a difference in her recovery, enjoy every single second that you have with her, and don’t let your mind drift down a negative road.”
I nod my head, understanding how he handles things, but I on the other hand am a realist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to be positive for her…but there is still that constant fear inside of me that she’s never going to come home.
“I’m trying, I really am,” I tell him genuinely. “But aren’t there any other facilities closer to here that she could get into?”
“For your mom, it came down to treatment options. In just the past week, I’ve seen a decline in her health. This place handles MS patients vigorously, and they have the best of the best rehabilitation specialists. I promise you all are going to love it. The drive not so much, but her treatment is worth it.”
“Okay,” I agree.
He shakes my hand and says, “Remember, call me any time if you need anything at all.”
He walks off and I look around, feeling everyone staring at me. Rage courses through me suddenly, and I want to blow my hand straight through the fucking wall. Instead, I take a deep breath, knowing I need to get out of here and have a drink…or five.
Walking back in, my mom is asleep…well, at least her eyes are closed. I gesture my dad towards me and he listens. As we step out into the hallway, I give him a hug. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
He just nods his head holding on to me; my dad is so broken. Pain burns in my chest because I’ve never seen him this upset. Goddamn the situation we are in. “She’s gonna be all right, dad.” I try and comfort him, but right now my attitude sucks, being here isn’t going to help anyone or anything.
“Nash called, he needs me to stop by the gym, if you’re cool with that?” I lie, looking for my escape.
“It’s getting late, son, please go.”
“Thanks,” I tell him and glance in at my mom once more; she is still sleeping just like an angel.
I call Nash as soon as the cool air hits my face.
“What up, sexy?” he answers being a smart ass, but it brings a smile to my face and convinces me that getting his perspective on things will help.
“Just leaving the hospital. Wanna meet for a drink?”
“Sure, where are you thinking?”
“The Tavern?”
“Sounds great, I’ll see you there in about fifteen.”
I hop in my car, my mind racing with a million different things swirling through it. I’m really not sure how my dad and I are going to handle being so far away from my mom, or how she is going to cope with being off somewhere on her own, without us. In a time like this, she’s going to need us more than ever.
While I drive, I can’t think of anything to make things work. All I keep picturing is her on the bathroom floor and I sure as hell don’t want that to happen again.