Entry-Level Mistress

chapter 10



Thin, early light snuck around the thick, wooden slats of the window shades. Between that and the crazy chirping of the birds, I judged it to be around five. Daniel shifted, lifted his arm and I scooted closer, into the space he had created for me, my head resting against his shoulder.

“I need to go,” I whispered.

“What color is your hair really?”

I laughed, surprised.

“Purple.”

“I’m not entirely certain purple is a natural human color.”

I giggled again, my arm tightening around his chest before my hand started drifting.

“It’s brown. Just slightly lighter than … um … ” I gestured down my body, toward my thighs.

“I’d love to see that.” He shifted onto his side, ran his finger along the under curve of my breast.

“I should go.”

“What you really should do is leave clothes here.”

I laughed. “That’s good for the future, but what about today?”

He rolled onto his back and let me get up. I stood, moved about the room, gathering the pieces of last night’s ensemble.

While he drove me home, I stared at his profile, trying to understand him. The tension of the night before was gone. This morning he was warm and considerate. He wanted me to leave my stuff at his place, as if I were actually his girlfriend. And maybe I was. The pleasure of that symbolic request stayed with me throughout the morning, even after he was long gone. As I showered and dressed, packed my purse and did a cursory cleaning of my bedroom.

Then it was time to go to work.

When my father called as I was walking up the steps from the subway, I flipped the phone open before I remembered I was avoiding his calls.

“What, you don’t call your old man anymore?”

Despite my guilt, I laughed at my dad’s phrasing. The thought of Mark Anderson as an old man, even after all these hard years, was ridiculous.

“I’ve been busy. I hope you got the Father’s Day card.”

“Too busy for me? That sounds exciting. But I thought the fellowship didn’t start until August.”

“It doesn’t.” I hesitated, felt caught in a lie though I hadn’t actually lied yet. “I … I took a marketing job for the summer. Wanted to get some money in the bank. Just in case. Maybe I’ll move to New York.”

“Look at you.” I could hear him laughing and it rankled, awakening the teenager in me that still wanted to break away and grow up. “Talking about getting money in the bank.”

“I’m on my own now, dad,” I said softly, just shy of reminding him that he hadn’t been able to help support me since he went to jail. Then that thought made me feel guilty because jail hadn’t been my dad’s fault and here I was sleeping with the enemy.

The enemy I couldn’t bring myself to blame completely anymore, for whom I kept trying to find excuses.

The enemy who had suggested I leave clothes at his house.

“Listen, honey, I might have some news.”

“What’s the news?” That old clenching tensed my stomach and tightened the muscles of my shoulders. It was the same constant apprehension in which I’d lived my teen years as every day some new disaster seemed to strike, from a new court date to a scathing article in the newspapers. I wanted to hang up on my father before he could say anything else. I wanted to hide my head deep in the sand. What else was going to fall?

“I’d rather tell you in person. I was thinking I’d come up for a few days next week, maybe go to the Pops, or drive down the cape?”

“I don’t know yet,” I hedged. What I really didn’t know was what Daniel was doing, and if I’d be invited along. How had Daniel become associated with freedom, with a relief from the tensions of my childhood? And what on earth was I doing choosing to spend time with him over my father? A father who had news that, good or bad, was something I’d need to know. Of course, my dad’s visit also meant I’d end up spending a few nights on the futon. “Sure, I mean.”

“Great,” he sounded happier, ready to make plans. I’d always been his baby, daddy’s girl, even when he went to jail. Even when I was rebellious. Even when my mom had tried to turn me against him, to suggest my dad had never been trustworthy. But there was something different now. My secrets, my new life. I was finally an adult too. Something I’d wanted for so many years and now, I finally had. But the taste was bittersweet.

And beneath it, remained that apprehension. What else would fall?