I felt the prickle of tears in my eyes.
I couldn’t handle this. Not with everything else that was going on. I needed coolheaded Cole back, because hurt, hotheaded Cole was tapping in to all the insecurities I’d been fighting the last few months.
On that thought I whirled around and started pushing back through the crowds. I was almost at the door when something stopped me.
This wasn’t like Cole.
This wasn’t like him at all.
Hadn’t that been my mantra this whole week?
I sucked in a breath and spun around.
There was something more going on here that I didn’t understand.
Praying I wasn’t acting like a too-trusting lovesick fool, I forced my way back through a now-annoyed crowd. The blonde remained, but Cole’s attention was on Rae. He was frowning at whatever she had to say.
That was when he seemed to feel my gaze.
Ignoring the raging swarm of angry nerves in my stomach, I wound my way through the tables while Cole broodily watched me approach. When I came to a stop the twins and Karen said hello. I gave them a distracted nod.
Cole and I stared at each other and the longer we did, the deeper I felt the wound of his avoidance. I’d missed him so much. A whole week without him had felt like forever. It had been painful and frankly unnecessary. I was mad at him as much as he was mad at me and I couldn’t hide it. I flicked a hand to the blonde. “Why?”
He frowned. “We’re just talking.”
“But why are you talking to her and not to me? Why haven’t you answered my calls? Why did you leave? Why can’t we be grown-ups and discuss last Saturday?”
“Not here,” Cole said softly.
“I don’t care,” I snapped, and I didn’t care if we had an audience. “This isn’t you. I came in here, after one of the most awful weeks of my life, and I could have just walked back out again . . . but this isn’t you. I don’t understand what’s going on with you.”
The stark hurt in his eyes made me gasp. “You don’t understand?” He stood up abruptly, slamming his pint on the table. “You don’t understand I’m upset you’re packing your shit and taking off for Glasgow to be with that fucking family—choosing them over us? You don’t understand that might upset me?”
The people around us stopped talking.
I didn’t care. I was too confused to care. “What the heck are you talking about?”
“Rae told me.” He raked his eyes over me, seeming to flinch in pain at the sight of me. “Just go, Shannon. All these months trying to get you to trust me . . . what a waste of my time.”
“I do trust you.” I pushed him—hard—and he stumbled back against the bench seat in surprise. “That’s why I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. Now, what the heck”—I threw a glare at Rae—“did she say?”
“I told him the truth.” She returned my glower. “That you’re leaving us. You were packing last weekend. Or you were before you failed with your dad today.”
“You silly cow,” I hissed, not sure if I was calling myself that or Rae. My gaze swung back to Cole. Now I was pissed. “I was packing my stuff because you said you were going to ask me to move in with you. I was under the impression once you cooled down and realized I was sorry that the offer would still be open.”
Cole blinked, stunned.
I shook my head in exasperation. “It’s you and me. This.” I gestured between us. “This is how we started out and this probably won’t be the last time we have an argument. I have a tendency to think out loud, and sometimes my thought process involves really crap ideas before I get to the good ones. That’s what happened last week. You blew up and I get why, but I never believed we’d stay mad at each other or broken up.” I took a step toward him. I was relieved to see his expression soften. “I trust you, Cole. I trust you because I know you. I love you because I know you. All this time we’ve talked about my trust issues and never about yours. Clearly this proves you have them.” I braced. “So decide, Cole . . . Do you trust me?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes flared at the sound of my hurt gasp and he leaned into me. “You know,” he said, voice low with emotion. “You know everything. You know how she made me feel my whole life, and still you sat there and suggested putting me to one side so you could work on me gaining your family’s approval. She was unworthy of me and still she made me feel like nothing, like I had something to prove. They’re unworthy of you and still somehow you made me feel like the nothing, like I have something to prove. You, of all people.”
“No,” I pleaded, tears blurring my vision. “I never meant for you to feel that way. Not ever again.”
“But I did. And I don’t know what that means for us.”
*
“You look like hell.”
I lifted my gaze to meet Logan’s and he winced at whatever he saw in my eyes.
“What happened?”
I ran a trembling hand through my hair. “I’ve messed up. Again.”