“So soon?”
“I can’t stay. I have to spend a little time with my family before I leave for Nashville next week. And there’s so much to do in Nashville. I’ve got to furnish my apartment, set up a bank account, get utilities turned on, things like that. Anyway, you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and I’d just be a distraction.”
Though she was right, I felt a ripple of sadness at her words; I didn’t want to think about that yet. Instead, I strummed the opening chords to the song. Then, in a flash, I knew what it needed. I started over, and Morgan’s gaze leapt to mine in recognition. As soon as she sang the opening line, the following line came almost automatically. Wanting to be sure, I played the first stanza a second and third time, already feeling the song take flight.
We worked as we had in Florida, seamlessly, with an unspoken give-and-take. As I tweaked and adjusted the melody, Morgan kept adding to the lyrics, turning the ballad into one of hope and love and inevitable loss. It was she who came up with the chorus, which struck me as undeniably right:
Hold on to Dreamland
Forever, not just today
Someday Dreamland will be ours
Hold fast, don’t fall away
By the time we finished the first draft, the moon had traversed the sky and a hush had fallen over the fields. I put away my guitar and led her upstairs to the bedroom. When we made love in the darkness, I felt as though our every touch and movement were choreographed. She seemed to anticipate each breath I drew, and the sounds of her voice merged with mine in the stillness of the room. Afterward, we lay together without speaking, Morgan pressed up against me, her breaths slowing until she fell asleep.
But for me, sleep wouldn’t come. Restless, I rose from the bed and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, then crept downstairs, where I sat at the small kitchen table, still trying to make sense of all that had happened in the last ten days. When my thoughts turned to Morgan, my life felt complete; when I thought of Paige, the life I truly wanted felt as if it would always be out of reach. I sat with those contradictory feelings, alternately at peace and in turmoil, until the light of dawn seeped through the windows. When it was bright enough, I found some paper and a pen, and I scribbled out the lyrics that we’d written the night before.
In the truck were the bags I had yet to unpack from my trip to Florida, and I walked barefoot through grass damp with morning dew. I fished out my pair of Vans and made a trip to the grocery store for coffee, along with eggs, bread, milk, and a few other items, remembering at the last minute to grab a box of green tea. I was sipping coffee at the kitchen table when Morgan finally wandered down the stairs. When she saw me at the table, she covered her mouth.
“I’d kiss you, but I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”
“I haven’t, either.”
“Then you can’t kiss me yet, either.”
I smiled. “Would you like coffee or tea?”
“Tea would be great if you have some.”
I added water to a teapot; when it whistled, I poured the hot water into the cup and added a bag, bringing it to her at the table.
“You were up early,” she said. “Almost like you’re a farmer.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
She reached over, taking my hand. “I hate that you’re having to deal with all this.”
“Me, too.”
“Is your aunt going to be released today?”
“Probably tomorrow or the day after that.”
“How about Paige?”
“That’ll be longer. It might take a few days until she’s stabilized. What time are you leaving today?”
“Two? Which means I should probably be at the airport by one.”
With travel time, I realized, we had only a few hours left together, and more than anything, I didn’t want to spoil them. “Do you want breakfast?” I asked. “I can make eggs and toast.”
“The tea is fine for now. I’m not all that hungry yet. But you know what I’d like to do after I shower and brush my teeth?”
“Kiss me?”
“Of course,” she said with a smile. “But I’d also like to see the farm, so I can put actual images to your descriptions of things.”
“Sounds good.”
“And maybe get a photo of you on a tractor. Or maybe even a video of you driving one so I can text it to my friends.”
I had to laugh. “Whatever you’d like.”
After showering, I waited for her on the front porch. In the distance, I saw Toby’s truck parked near the office and caught sight of the sprinklers irrigating the fields. Some workers were already working in the tobacco fields while another group was carefully bringing baskets of eggs into the processing facility for inspection and packaging. The activity reminded me of how much time it was going to take me to catch up—especially with my aunt out of commission. I pushed my worries to the side and wandered to the barn instead.
At Paige’s work desk, I sifted through the piles of paperwork, searching for the order she was working on. I’d need to call the customer to explain that there’d been an emergency and that the order might be delayed, but, unable to figure it out, I left the barn, wondering when Paige would be coherent enough to tell me.
By the time I got back, Morgan was in the kitchen, heating more water for her tea. Soaking up the sight of her, I remembered how she’d felt in my arms last night, and moving her hair aside, I kissed her on the back of her neck.
After she finished her second cup, we set out on our tour. I let her walk through one of the prairie schooners, past the clucking chickens, then showed her the facility where we checked and packaged the eggs. I guided her through the greenhouse, then showed her the facilities where we readied the tomatoes for shipping and the warehouse where we dried the tobacco leaves. We stopped by the main office—I called it paperwork central—and strolled through the tomato and tobacco fields, before I finally allowed her to shoot video of me driving a tractor. Aside from Toby, the workers went about their business, offering nothing more than a good morning or wave from afar, but I nonetheless felt their curious glances. It took me a little while to realize it was probably the first time any of them had seen me walk around the farm with a woman other than my aunt or my sister. Michelle had never been interested in the specifics of my daily life.
We had an early lunch at a place called Down on Main Street, in the heart of the waterfront district. Though the food was appetizing, I was too tense to eat, and I’m pretty sure Morgan felt the same way, since she mainly picked at her salad. Afterward, we strolled hand in hand toward the waterfront, with its gorgeous views of the Pamlico River, the water glittering beneath a cloudless sky. In the middle of the river, a sailboat rode the gentle breeze, moving slowly, as though in no rush to go anywhere at all.
“Have you given any more thought to coming to Nashville with me?” she asked, stopping to face me. “I mean, I know I shouldn’t even be talking about this right now, and I understand that it might be a while before you could get there, but you never really answered me.”
In the glinting sunlight, I could see tiny flecks of hazel in her eyes, something I’d never noticed. “I don’t think I can. I don’t see how I can leave my aunt and my sister when they need me most. I left for three weeks and look what happened.” They were some of the most painful words I’d ever said in my life.
“Yeah,” she said. Her eyes looked wet. “That’s what I thought. But you’ll come visit me, right? After I settle in?”
I hesitated, wishing we could talk about anything else, wishing that so many things in my life were different.
“I’m not so sure that would be a good idea….” I offered, trailing off.
“Why wouldn’t it be a good idea? Don’t you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then we’ll do the long-distance thing. In this day and age, it’s easy. We can FaceTime, we can visit each other, we can call and text….”
She reached up to turn my face to hers, and I responded by tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re right. We can do those things. I just don’t know if we should.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
I brought my lips together, wishing more than anything that I didn’t have to say the words that I knew would be coming next. “When I was at the hospital, I had a lot of quiet time to think about you and me and the future, but no matter how I tried to imagine it, my thoughts kept circling back to the idea that, from now on, we’re going to be living in two very separate worlds.”
“So what?”
“Those worlds won’t ever come together, Morgan, which means that it would always be long distance for us. You’re going to Nashville, and as for me, I can’t leave my aunt. I can’t leave Paige, and as far as the farm, it’s the one thing I know I’m good at. It’s what I do.”