It was decided. I hated her.
‘I pushed her off, told her nothing could happen between us and I thought it was best she leave, but she broke down crying and I felt like a bastard. I couldn’t just throw her out.’
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. ‘She’s still in love with you?’
‘She doesn’t know me,’ he answered, sounding irritated.
‘I’ll take that as a yes.’
‘We sat talking for ages, going around in circles until she started to sober up. She asked to use my shower and crash for the night. By then we were on the same page and I felt bad for her, so I said yes.’
It took me a moment but I asked, ‘Same page?’
Cam shifted away from me tentatively, and only so he could look me in the eye. His haggard face was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and the ache in my chest intensified for him. I lifted my gaze from the soft, sexy curl of his upper lip to his eyes and my breath caught at his expression.
It was vulnerable and raw and open …
He was naked and bleeding for me.
‘I told her something I should have told you ages ago.’ He cupped a large hand around my neck, drawing me closer. ‘I’ve never met anyone as quietly brave and strong as you. I’ve never met a woman so unassuming, so kind and so selfless. You are a complex lady.’ His mouth curled up at the corners. ‘And you are smart, and passionate, and funny, and exciting, and you blow me fucking away. When I first saw you, I wanted you like I’d never wanted anyone. When you first tore me a new one, I wanted to know you. And when I got to know you, when I stood across a kitchen and you told me not to kill a spider because it didn’t say much for us as a species if we killed something because we feared it, I knew. I knew that I would never meet anyone as beautiful or as compassionate or as determined. I’ve known for a while that I was in love with you, Jo. I’ve known and I should have told you.’
Tears streamed down my cheeks and Cam’s thumb did its best to catch them all. My chin trembled as I asked, ‘Why didn’t you?’
He quirked an eyebrow at me. ‘Maybe for the same reason you didn’t tell me.’ He leaned in to place a very careful but sweet kiss on my mouth. When he pulled back he continued. ‘Last week, the Saturday we met Blair and I went quiet on you?’
‘Yeah?’
‘It wasn’t about Blair, baby. It was about you. About us.’
‘I don’t understand.’
Cam’s hand slipped down my arm, his knuckles caressing my skin in soothing strokes. ‘When we bumped into Blair, it was a shock and it was strange. When she and I dated I thought I was in love with her. We were together three years and I didn’t take it well when it ended. But standing there, looking at her, I didn’t feel anything but a distant familiarity. There was no hurt or love or anything but a friendly gladness to see her.’ His eyes darkened. ‘As we were standing there I got stuck in this thought … the thought of me walking down Princes Street ten years in the future with some faceless woman on my arm, and bumping into you when you weren’t mine any more. Because everyone leaves eventually, I thought.’ He huffed in what seemed like pain and his grip on me tightened. ‘It winded me. No, it floored me. I think I’ve been in love with you since that moment in the kitchen, but last Saturday was the first time I realized how crazy I was about you. What I feel for you …’ Cam sucked in a breath and I found myself reaching a hand up to his face, my heart pounding as I watched this man – this strong, irreverent man – overcome with emotion … emotion for me. ‘It’s all-consuming,’ he breathed, leaning his forehead against mine again. ‘It’s almost debilitating. It’s too much. It’s … I can’t even describe it, but being with you is … there’s this intensity inside me all the time, this … constant pull, desperation … it’s like you’re branded on me or something. And it bloody well burns.’
‘I know,’ I whispered soothingly, my tears falling faster. ‘I know. I feel it, too.’
‘You never told me that, though,’ he answered a little harshly. ‘You always kept something of yourself hidden from me, and I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell if you felt the same way. That’s why I got drunk on Saturday night. That’s why Nate came around the next morning to talk to me. He convinced me you felt the same way.’
‘How did he do that?’
‘I asked for his opinion about you and he said, “You’ve nothing to worry about, mate. That girl thinks you’re ‘it’ and I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think it.” ’