“I’m gonna ride you till the sun comes—”
“Leave!” Cole’s voice demands from the other side of my door. “Now.”
The men chuckle. “Oh, I almost forgot,” the deep voice says with sarcasm. “The guards get the first lay… How could we forget? Damn, she must be number—”
“Get the hell out of here before I smash in your skulls,” Cole says.
“All right… all right… chill… Just be sure to let us know when she’s back on the market.” Their laughter fades away. “That body of hers is to die for.”
The door opens from the main hallway, and I shrink into the shadows, but instead of strangers, Cole walks in. He gives me a tired look of annoyance as he places a small paper bag onto my windowsill.
“Out of all the sins, you had to go and pick lust?”
His question irritates me. I have to swallow the dry lump in my throat before I can answer. “You know nothing about me.”
“Well, then, enlighten me.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and cocks his head. “If I’m supposed to keep these lunatics off you, then I deserve an answer.”
“Why? No one else believes me.” I breathe deep, trying to stem the tide of emotions that surge over me. “When you look at me… like everyone else, you see nothing but blue.”
His eyes dart to the floor. “What happened to you?” His question catches me off-balance and the muscles in my neck tighten. I wrap my arms around myself, waiting for the darkness.
I’m in a closet. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What I’m waiting for is always the unknown. The sharp stab in the pit of my stomach causes me to double over. I feel his presence. I hear his breathing. I want to run, but there’s nowhere to go. I want to scream, but no one can hear me.
And there’s my mother, standing in her sequined dress, decorated in that gaudy jewelry he bought her. She’s jealous of me for some warped reason. I’d give anything to change the past—to be free of this pain. I never wanted to be the focus of my stepfather’s attention—his adoration. I’ve done nothing wrong, but my mother doesn’t see it that way. She wants me dead. He wants me alive so he can control me.
“Snap out of it!” Cole’s voice brings me back. My hands shake as I rub my eyes and crawl onto my mattress. “Geez, I only asked what happened to you and you go all psycho on me.”
I take a deep breath. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I’ll never tell anyone about it again, especially you.”
Cole stares at me with a knowing look and raises his eyebrow. “Let me see if I can remember… My report says you were caught having premarital sex and your partner jumped out of your window. But you refused to turn him in.” His voice sounds inquisitive. “Leaving you the only one to brand for the sin.”
“Believe what you want,” I say with a shaky voice. I’ve never been good at masking my emotions, although I try really hard.
“So, you’re not gonna defend yourself?”
“My bedroom was eight floors up in a High Society building. I think it’s reasonable to conclude that a naked boy with broken legs would’ve been caught… but I bet your report didn’t give you those details,” I say, holding my voice steady for once.
He shakes his head, tucks in his T-shirt, and fixes his belt. “There’s no such thing as reasonable. Go to sleep,” he says before leaving my room.
I’ve been trying!
In the darkness, my throat constricts and my muscles lock in place. I can’t see a thing, but I hear everything—the drip, drip, dripping from the bathroom and the tap, tap, tapping as rain hits my window. Screams from outside bounce off my walls and then moaning from the hallway joins in. I shake my head, pry open my throat, and take a breath. Propelling myself off my mattress, I stand at Cole’s door with my hands at my side. It seems weak, but I hate being in the dark. I give in and knock.
“Now what?” he asks.
“I can’t sleep,” I say.
“And that’s my problem how?”
“It’s not.” I bite my lip. “Would it be all right if I kept my light on?”
“Whatever,” he says.
I draw my knees up to my chin, wrap my arms around my small frame, and start to count the cement blocks that make up my walls. My imagination runs wild with every noise in the building and the screams from outside. I hope this nightmare ends soon.
*
A screaming siren jolts me awake. Did I fall asleep? I leap to my feet and look outside, accidentally knocking over the paper bag on the windowsill. It clatters to the cold floor. I unfold the top and pull out a roll that’s hard as cement.
Disgusting.
I throw it and begin to shake. Biting my tongue, I try to bury myself in the corner. I have nothing but these walls to protect me, and no one but myself to watch my back. I’ll never be able to fight my way out because what lives outside is worse than what is in here.