Behind the Courtesan

chapter Fifteen


Truth be told, Sophie shivered less from the cold than the anticipation. It ran from her neck, down her spine, into her legs, so she felt it clear to her feet. She had to resist the urge to curl her toes against the smooth timber boards.

Right here, right now, she wanted Blake and no other man would do. She’d had to endure his close proximity for a week, touch his skin to check his wounds, tolerate his eyes on her every move. The flex and shift of his muscles fascinated her and she wanted to know how his body would react when he leaned over her, pressed her into the mattress and drove her to oblivion.

It was a bad idea. He didn’t even like her. But none of that mattered when he placed both of his huge warm hands against her flushed cheeks, tipped her head back and touched his lips to hers. At first his kiss was gentle, protective, caring; he didn’t crowd or push her.

She sighed again and leaned into him. He treated her with such reverence and she wanted to let him, but when she touched her tongue to his, the fire grew in her belly to a raging inferno and she did something no courtesan should ever do. She lost control.

Wrapping her arms around his neck and threading her fingers into his hair she pressed her body to his.

Blake tasted of brandy and rain and all things good, but kissing wasn’t enough. She’d dreamed of being in his arms ever since the morning they’d woken on the road. As much as she’d been shocked and then angry, she couldn’t help but think how far it could have gone if their angry words hadn’t ruined everything. The possibilities had kept her up night after night until she’d had to pace in the cold to dampen her desires.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this?” she finally admitted.

His hands paused on the curve of her lower back. “How many?”

She let go of him and stepped back a half pace. She took the ends of the robe’s tie in her fingers and gave them a pull until the knot unraveled. “I lost count.”

“That many?” Blake’s eyes glazed over and his intent stare shifted from her mouth to her hands. The vagueness in his question said she had his full attention.

“Hmm. Have you thought about it?” She slid the material over an inch, teasing, taunting, tempting.

“That and more.”

“How did it go in your dreams?”

“I think even you are a little too innocent to hear about my dreams, Sophie.”

She laughed. “Why, Blake, I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He pushed her hands aside. “And I do believe the time for speaking has come and gone.”

Before Sophie could fill the space with more nervous chatter, Blake pressed his mouth to hers and she forgot every moment that had come before the perfectness of this one. It was almost as if he poured his very heart into the kiss.

Together they stepped back, little tiny steps so as not to break contact. Her hands were everywhere as she traced the contours of his shoulders, his back, his neck. His hands moved over her hips, over her buttocks to tighten on her thighs, to lift her so she straddled his sex where they stood. God, he was strong. “Wait,” she managed between drugging kisses. “I want to see...”

“You’ve seen it all before,” he groaned.

Sophie pushed against his chest until she was back on her feet. “Humor me.”

With fast jerky movements, Blake ripped the robe from his shoulders and dropped it to the floor. “There, happy now?” he teased, his tone impatient.

“Not yet.” She stepped forward again, her gaze low as her hands skimmed the muscles of his stomach until they reached their goal. As lightly as she could with her fingers still numb with cold, she stroked and then cupped him. Her other hand, she wrapped around his length and tightened her grip.

“Wait,” he murmured, his voice tight with tension. “It’s not fair for me to be naked and not you.”

“I would never want to be accused of unfair play.”

Blake chuckled as he reached for her hem, the last barrier between them and certain pleasure. It was also the last barrier between friends and lovers. Sophie wanted it gone. She lifted her arms.

Her chemise landed on the floor by the door with a slap, but they both ignored it. Blake’s hands rose to mold her curves from her hips up to her breasts and back to her bottom. His callused palms did scratch, but they only served to heighten the moment, to increase the urgency, her response was instantaneous. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and pulled him until their lips crashed at the same time their bodies did. Furious need drove her as she all but climbed his body until she once again straddled him, his hands on her bottom to hold her up as he walked the last few steps toward the closest wall. Her back slammed into the cold timber and she laughed.

“God, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Blake went to pull back, but Sophie tightened her legs, linked her ankles and nipped his bottom lip. “I’m not going to break. I can handle anything you throw at me.”

His mouth curved into a smile of challenge. “Anything?”

“Give it your best, I promise I can keep up.”

With a flex of his fingers, he parted her, pulled back and eased in until she felt so filled with him, so complete it was almost scary.

A moan crept from her lips and her head fell back.

“Are you still with me?” he asked, fingers tightening, kneading, stoking the fire, the lust between them.

“Mmm-hmm. I think so.” She gave a wriggle and took him even deeper. “Good God.”

He chuckled, but when she finally met his gaze, the strain was evident. He was holding back, holding still, protecting her.

“Too late to retreat,” she whispered.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Blake shook his head and withdrew a fraction. “But I think we would both be more comfortable on the bed.”

Before she could argue, he swung her around and, as one, they dropped to the warm quilted top. As he leaned on his hands over her, the fire light glistening over his body, Sophie felt her first hint of panic. He was so big, he blocked out the rest of the room as his muscles corded and bunched beneath her hands as she ran them up and down, from shoulder to wrist and back again. Much the same as he did to her.

When her gaze lifted to his, he watched her, intent, unnerving. He didn’t move at all, not even a twitch. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I...” She shook her head to dispel the awful memories trying to push through the lust.

“I would never hurt you Sophie, if you want to stop, you have only to say the word.”

She linked her ankles tighter. “I don’t want you to stop, it’s just...I...”

“Spit it out, woman.”

She glared up at him. “I am always on top.”

His brows rose in question, but she shook her head. “But I actually quite like it here.”

“Only like?” came his reply. “Perhaps I need to try harder?” He withdrew almost all the way and then eased back in.

Once again he stopped her answering words with his mouth and this time she let him. Slowly, so slowly it almost hurt, he withdrew and then slid back in, the friction causing a slow burn inside her as he repeated the action over and over.

In her hazy mind, she realized he was making love to her. This was no furious coupling such that her body wanted. He was going to take his time and drive her crazy. Tears burned her eyes so she closed them, moved with him, against him. After a few minutes of the sweet torture, her body screamed for release and she needed to take control. Tensing her legs and arms, she pushed until he rolled, taking her with him.

“My methods don’t please you?” he asked with a naughty twinkle in his eye.

She leaned down and kissed him, nipped his jaw, licked the side of his neck, all the while pushing down and grinding her pelvis against his. “You might like things my way.”

She lifted, her inner muscles tensed, and then she sank down. If he could tease her by taking it slow, she could do the same.

He sat up, wrapped his arms around her and took a hardened nipple deep into his mouth, flicking the peak with his tongue until she was sorry she didn’t beg him to finish. Unless that’s what he waited for? She wasn’t ashamed. “Please, Blake.”

“You wanted control, minx.”

“Take it back. Take me.” For once, she didn’t want to be the one in control. When had he wrested that kind of trust from her?

With a growl, his arms locked behind her back and he flipped so he was once again on top, in control. The look of determination on his face sent a thrill through her. This is what she waited for.

“God, but you’re sweet,” he whispered, placing feather-light kisses along her shoulder as he withdrew and then slammed back home.

There was no time to answer, no time to argue about her sweetness, about who had control, no time for thoughts of trust or anything else as pleasure built and built inside her. It was hard enough to breathe let alone form words.

Words were unnecessary anyway. Especially between them.

* * *

Sophie’s head pounded. Her tongue lay heavy in her dry mouth. She swallowed slowly and worked to move the lump in her throat. Liquor and she had never mixed well and it seemed last night was no different. A groan next to her in the bed made her freeze to the spot, her eyes still closed. So it hadn’t been a dream? She was terrified to open her eyelids not just because she knew the light would be blinding, but what would she say to Blake?

What could she say? The only thing she knew was that she ached in places that had never ached before. Ever.

Her cheeks warmed at the memories, but even as her body tingled, her mind rebelled. What did this mean for their future?

She shook her head. They didn’t have a future. Both had been drunk and naked. Neither would have been able to walk away from that. She felt a little better knowing it wasn’t her fault even though she had been the one to instigate it. Sort of.

“I know you’re awake.” Despite the gravity of what they’d done, his husky morning voice sent shivers through her body.

“No I’m not,” she replied, her eyes still closed and her own voice pitched lower than she’d intended. Maybe if she ignored him, he’d go away. Her dignity needed it in that moment.

“You’ll have to face me eventually, Sophie. I’m not going anywhere.”

That’s what she was afraid of. She sighed and opened her eyes, squinting for a moment against the harshness of the bright sunshine streaming in through the open curtains. “Good morning.” It seemed the only appropriate response.

He seemed to assess her, but for what she had no idea. And when had he dressed? She was normally such a light sleeper. It was scary that she hadn’t woken. Scarier still that she could almost imagine the past fourteen years had been a nightmare and she’d finally woken to the life she was meant to lead. With him.

“Are you all right?” Blake asked, his gaze full of concern as he leaned over her, his hair falling over his brow. She longed to reach up and run her fingers through it.

“I’m quite fine, thank you. And you? Your ribs seem to be recovering well.” She injected just a touch of wry accusation into her tone when she remembered how miraculously he’d healed last night. They’d left for the dance with him limping a little and favoring his right arm still, but when he’d thrust into her body, held himself poised above her, held her tight, it was evident his injuries weren’t as bad as he’d made them seem. “Why didn’t you tell me you were better?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t want to do too much too soon.”

He lied, but she let him. That grin that was so ingrained in him stretched his lips and she wanted him to lean down and press his mouth to hers. But that was a bad idea. A terrible idea. “What do we do now?”

“Now?”

She pulled the bed coverings tighter over her chest and sat up, forcing him to do the same. “Where do we go from here?”

“I’m going to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. I’m due at a town meeting about the bridge at midday.”

“We aren’t going to discuss what happened here?”

“I think we both know what happened here.”

Sophie wasn’t sure if he was being deliberately obtuse or stubbornly pigheaded. Maybe both. “And I think we need to talk about it. About last night as well.”

“Are they two different events?”

Sophie would have slammed her hands down on her hips if she hadn’t held the sheets in a death grip. His flippancy fueled her anger as she recalled more and more of the night before. “You know what I’m talking about. The villagers are miserable under Blakiston’s poor excuse for a rule.”

“Oh, that.” His gaze dropped and he stood, giving her his broad back.

“Yes that. What are you doing about the high taxes and levies?”

“What can I do? If you think he’ll listen to me, then you have rocks in your head.”

“So you’ll stand by and let your people be bullied?” She climbed from the bed and stood, only a blanket and sheet to hide behind.

He spun to face her, fury glittered in his eyes. “They aren’t my people, Sophie.”

“You may not be the legal duke, but they look to you. They respect your opinion and treasure your advice. You could go to Blakiston, you could get him to act.”

“You are too romantic in your observations. They ask me because I know this area better than most. They ask me because they fear my temper, not because they see me as a bastard duke.”

“You could have been a real duke.”

“I am a bastard, not a duke. Is that what this is about? Do you wish me a duke, Sophie? Do you feel as though you lowered yourself by sleeping with a commoner and a farmer at that? Should I pay you or was that one free?”

Deep inside her chest, Sophie’s heart gave one thump and then an eternity later, another, and then split in two. “That’s not fair. Not fair to me or to you.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“I slept with you because I wanted to. Because I stupidly believed that the man you are would be enough for me. But you’ve just proved you haven’t changed one bit. All the work I’ve done, all the mornings, all the... It seems you’re the one who feels he has sunk low, not me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Jesus, Sophie, you bring out the worst in me every time I’m near you.”

Her eyes pricked and burned and it was hard to push the words out. “I want you to go.”

“I will but before I do, will you tell me what is so special about your duke?”

“You won’t understand. You don’t understand anything I try to tell you.”

“So now I’m ignorant, too?” He stalked toward her.

She stepped back but not far enough, she couldn’t get away from his fury, the pain in his eyes and the rigidity of his body. They’d had this conversation already. She doubted he would listen any better now than he had then.

“Will any title do or does it have to be a duke? Is a deep purse enough? A hunting lodge and mansion on Mayfair too? What is it that makes your callers so much better than me?”

“That’s the part you’ll never understand.” Sophie tried to remain calm, tried to leash her temper and not enter yet another fray with him. But it was too late. It was inevitable. “It has nothing to do with titles, purses, hounds or horseflesh. Daemon treats me like a lady even though I’m as far from it as any woman can get. When he looks at me, he sees only me. He doesn’t see my occupation, he doesn’t see the men who have gone before him, he doesn’t even care about the dress I wear or the house I live in. He cares about me. Sophia Martin. Not the courtesan, but the woman. That is the part you will never understand.

“You’ve been so caught up on the ways in which I have changed that you haven’t actually seen the changes. This is who I am, Blake Vale. This is the woman I have become and this is the woman I want to be. St. Ives accepted that and never tried to change me. He never made me feel filthy. That is the difference between a duke and a tavern owner, between Daemon and you. He is a gentleman down to his very soul. You are a bastard through and through.”

Her chest heaved with the effort to breathe. Her hands clenched until her nails bit into the palms of her hands, leaving crescent moons in their wake. She should take back her words. She should never have spoken them to start with, yet there they were, out in the open, like a ravenous wolf, who wants only to eat the hearts of the pained and lonely for his breakfast. Tears burned her eyes, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing them fall.

“I understand.”

Sophie slowly calmed, as if his answering words had popped the bubble of her anger. Blake’s shoulders slumped and for a moment she had to bite her lip against an apology. What had started out as a pleasant evening of companionship and passion had ended in pistols at dawn after all. She wondered who had won.

“If it means anything to you, I am sorry.”

God, why did he have to punish her so? And why did she have to believe he meant what he said? “You should go.” Before he specified if he was sorry for the hurtful words, or sorry that he’d crawled into her bed.

But before Blake could take one step, there was a frantic knocking at the bedroom door. She met his gaze with a little shake of her head, willed him not to answer, not to make a move or a sound.

“Who is it?” she called, panic filling the pit of desolation.

“It’s Dominic, miss. There’s a problem downstairs and I can’t seem to find Blake.”

Sophie shuffled to the door, careful to keep the blanket around her still naked body. “What’s the problem, Dominic?”

“The Duke of St. Ives has just arrived and there’s no breakfast and no one in the dining room to tend him. I have to take care of His Grace’s flesh and I can’t do it all by myself.”

“I’ll be down in a moment. Keep looking for Blake.”

“Thank you, miss. Thank you.”

Sophie held her breath until long after his thumping footsteps had receded. She turned, her head fell forward until her chin almost rested on her chest, a single tear fell down her cheek. “What have I done?”

“There’s no need to tell him.” Blake actually sounded concerned but when she looked up and met his gaze once again, she saw only fury.

“I wasn’t going to tell him,” she said. “Nothing happened. Nothing more than a bad mistake.”

“So that’s what it was? A mistake?”

“What else could it have been? You said it yourself, you are no duke and I’m nothing but a gold-chasing whore.”

“Sophie—”

She held up one hand. “No. I asked you to leave and I meant it. Get out.”

“I can’t go out there now. What if St. Ives is standing in the hall?”

“I don’t care. I’ll tell him you were fixing a chair or stoking the fire or something.”

“While you are undressed?”

Her cheeks burned. He made her feel hot and cold at the same time despite treating her worse than a free tumble at the docks. She should have slapped him then and there. She certainly shouldn’t have opened her heart or her body to him. Why had she ever thought that he’d changed? That he was different? That in his mind there might be some small place that didn’t think her useless or dirty or tainted. Mistake was an understatement.

He may not be his father, but like his sire, he used her, hurt her, made sure she had no idea which way was up and which was down. At least this time the damage was on the inside—invisible but no less intense—rather than bruises and broken bones.

She had to watch while Blake pulled his shoes on, the same clothes he’d worn the night before when they’d danced and laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. When he opened the window and stretched a leg over the sill with all the grace of a panther, all signs of his previous injury gone, she turned to face the wall. She couldn’t bear to watch him leave like this. She wished she could go back and wake up with a smile, not bring up the subject of his heritage, just ask for breakfast. If only.

When she turned back again, words on the edge of her tongue that would take the sting out of the morning’s insults, he was gone.