"Ug," Oy agreed. His snout was on Jake's ankle, and he was watching the boy's sandwich with great interest.
Eddie started to sit, and then that strange albino leaf caught his eye again. That's no leaf, he thought, and walked over to it. No, not a leaf but a scrap of paper. He turned it over and saw columns of "blah blah" and "yak yak" and "all the stuff's the same." Usually newspapers weren't blank on one side, but Eddie wasn't surprised to find thisone was - the oz Daily Buzz had only been a prop, after all.
Nor was the blank side blank. Printed on it in neat, careful letters, was this message:
Below that, a little drawing:
Eddie brought the note back to where the others were eating. Each of them looked at it. Roland held it last, ran his thumb over it thoughtfully, feeling the texture of the paper, then gave it back to Eddie.
"R.F.," Eddie said. "The man who was running Tick-Tock. This is from him, isn't it?"
"Yes. He must have brought the Tick-Tock Man out of Lud."
"Sure," Jake said darkly. "That guy Flagg looked like someone who'd know a first-class bumhug when he found one. But how did they get here before us? What could be faster than Blaine the Mono, for cripe's sake?"
"A door," Eddie said. "Maybe they came through one of those special doors."
"Bingo," Susannah said. She held her hand out, palm up, and Eddie slapped it.
"In any case, what he suggests is not bad advice," Roland said. "I urge you to consider it most seriously. And if you want to go back to your world, I will allow you to go."
"Roland, I can't believe you," Eddie said. "This, after you dragged me and Suze over here, kicking and screaming? You know what my brother would say about you? That you're as contrary as a hog on ice-skates."
"I did what I did before I learned to know you as friends," Roland said. "Before I learned to love you as I loved Alain and Cuthbert. And before I was forced to ... to revisit certain scenes. Doing that has ..." He paused, looking down at his feet (he had put his old boots back on again) and thinking hard. At last he looked up again. "There was a part of me that hadn't moved or spoken in a good many years. 1 thought it was dead. It isn't. I have learned to love again, and I'm aware that this is probably my last chance to love. I'm slow - Vannay and Cort knew that; so did my father - but I'm not stupid."
"Then don't act that way," Eddie said. "Or treat us as if we were."
"What you call 'the bottom line,' Eddie, is this: I get my friends killed. And I'm not sure I can even risk doing that again. Jake especially.. . I... never mind. I don't have the words. For the first time since I turned around in a dark room and killed my mother, I may have found something more important than the Tower. Leave it at that."
"All right, I guess I can respect that."
"So can I," Susannah said, "but Eddie's right about ka." She took the note and ran a finger over it thoughtfully. "Roland, you can't talk about that - ka, I mean - then turn around and take it back again, just because you get a little low on willpower and dedication."
"Willpower and dedication are good words," Roland remarked. "There's a bad one, though, that means the same thing. That one is obsession."
She shrugged it away with an impatient twitch of her shoulders. "Sugarpie, either this whole business is ka, or none of it is. And scary as ka might be - the idea of fate with eagle eyes and a bloodhound's nose - I find the idea of no ka even scarier." She tossed the R.F. note aside on the matted grass.
"Whatever you call it, you're just as dead if it runs you over," Roland said. "Rimer . . . Thorin . . . Jonas . . . my mother . . . Cuthbert . . . Susan. Just ask them. Any of them. If you only could."
"You're missing the biggest part of this," Eddie said. "You can't send us back. Don't you realize that, you big galoot? Even if there was a door, we wouldn't go through it. Am I wrong about that?"
He looked at Jake and Susannah. They shook their heads. Even Oy shook his head. No, he wasn't wrong.
"We've changed," Eddie said. "We..." Now he was the one who didn't know how to go on. How to express his need to see the Tower . . . and his other need, just as strong, to go on carrying the gun with the sandal-wood insets. The big iron was how he'd come to think of it. Like in that old Marty Robbins song about the man with the big iron on his hip. "It's ka," he said. It was all he could think of that was big enough to cover it.
"Kaka," Roland replied, after a moment's consideration. The three of them stared at him, mouths open. Roland of Gilead had made a joke.
4
"There's one thing I don't understand about what we saw," Susannah said hesitantly. "Why did your mother hide behind that drape when you came in, Roland? Did she mean to..." She bit her lip, then brought it out. "Did she mean to kill you?"