Chapter 6
I had no idea how I let Cam talk me into him driving and not taking two cars during class, but Saturday night—the night of our assignment—just before dusk, I found myself climbing into the massive silver truck. My stomach had been in knots since Friday night, when Jacob started hounding me about the party he and Brittany were going to. It had been good-natured and I wanted to go, but couldn’t bring myself to really do it. Besides, I had no idea where the house was, it had been late when he’d started texting, and it had been storming again.
And now I was as nervous as a mouse in a room full of hungry cats. As lame as this was, I’d never been in a car with a guy before. Man, even admitting that to myself sounded incredibly pathetic. Like take that little secret to my grave level of pathetic.
Cam shoved the keys into the ignition as he glanced over at me. The baseball cap was on again, twisted backward. Behind the thick lashes, his eyes glimmered a bright azure. “Ready steady?”
Tugging my light-weight cardigan around me, I nodded. When I saw him in astronomy yesterday morning, he was back in the normal mood—joking, flirting, and offering cookies. I hoped that meant whatever had gone down between him and Ollie had been worked out. “Are you sure we can’t just do this around here?”
“This place will be perfect. I will never lead you wrong, sweetheart.”
“Okay,” I murmured, clasping my hands together tightly. I turned to the side window, watching as we blew past the campus and crossed the bridge into Maryland.
Fifteen minutes later, Cam turned onto the road leading to the visitor’s center in Antietam National Battlefield. The history nerd in me started doing cartwheels, but I was way too nervous about being out here at night with Cam. Not that he seemed like the type to try anything, but if I knew anything, there was no ‘type’ when it came to that sort of thing. My nerves felt stretched thin and frayed at the edges.
“Are you sure we’re allowed to be out here at night?” I asked, glancing around.
“Nope.” He pulled into a parking spot. There were only a handful of cars.
I stared at him. “What?”
He laughed as he killed the engine. “I’m kidding. All we have to do is tell one of the Rangers that we’re from the University. They’ll be cool about it.”
I hoped so. The idea of being chased off the battlefield by a park ranger wasn’t on my list of things to accomplish before I died.
However, after taking one quick look at Cam, it looked like something he’d be down for.
“You ready?”
Grabbing my bag off the floor, I opened the truck door. “Yeah, let’s get this over with.”
Cam grabbed a flashlight out of the glove box as he chuckled. “Don’t sound too excited.”
I sent him a quick grin. “I’m not.”
“Don’t lie.” He walked around the hood and joined me, pointing over to where a cement tower with a red top rose into the sky. “That’s where we want to go to.”
“The tower on Bloody Lane?”
He shot me a quick look. “You’ve been here before.”
“No.”
“Then how did you know that’s Bloody Lane?”
I smiled slightly as I picked up a strand of my hair, twisting it between my fingers. “I’m a history major, so places like this appeal to me. Read up on it before. Bloodiest day of the whole war took place on that little stretch of dirt road.”
“Yeah, that’s what they say. Hold on a sec.” He turned to where a Ranger was cutting cross the field. “Be right back.”
I watched him jog over to where the Ranger waited. Words seemed to be exchanged and then Cam showed him his notebook. The Ranger laughed and they shook hands. Tipping my head up, I could already see tiny stars appearing in the deep blue sky. Nightfall would be on us in minutes.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Cam swaggered back to my side. “We’re good to go. And we’re not the only ones. There are a few students down by the other side of the tower.”
“Cool.” I fell in step with him, keeping a healthy distance between us. “Why do so many people come here to do this? I’m sure there are places closer to campus.”
“Not like this. Look around.” He shoved the flashlight in his back pocket. “Besides the houses across the street, there are no city lights or towers everywhere. It’s just the sky.”
“And cornfields,” I pointed out.
He nodded. “Lots of cornfields.”
We hit the paved portion of the lane and started toward the tower. “How long do you think this will take?” I asked.
“Why? You got a hot date tonight?”
I barked out a short laugh. “Uh, no.”
One single dark brow arched up. “You sound like that’s an insane idea. That no one would go out on a Saturday night for a date.”
Dropping the piece of hair I was playing with, I forced a casual shrug. “I’m not dating anyone.”
“So why the rush?”
Admitting that I was seriously uncomfortable being out here would be embarrassing and rude, so I said nothing.
“Are you worried that I’ve brought you out here for my own nefarious plans?”
I came to a complete stop. Knots formed in my stomach. “What?”
Cam stopped and turned toward me. His grin slipped a notch. “Hey, Avery, I’m just joking. Seriously.”
Heat swamped my cheeks and the knots unraveled, replaced by a strong feeling of total lameness. “I know. I’m just…”
“Jumpy?” he supplied.
“Yeah, that.”
He studied me a moment longer and then started walking again. “Come on. It’ll be dark soon.”
Trailing behind him, I pictured myself running straight into the old wooden fences and impaling myself on one of the pointy ends. God, I needed to get a grip. Not every guy was like Blaine. I knew that. Totally understood that. I wasn’t completely damaged by my affliction.
On the other side of the tower, near the plaques, two students from our astronomy class sat on the bench, notebooks in their laps. They waved at us and as we waved back, Cam headed a little further down the wide parking lot and then veered off toward the grassy hill overlooking the dirt path of Bloody Lane.
Cam picked a spot and pulled out the flashlight before he sat down. I hovered a few steps back, listening to the low hum of the crickets. The ground had dried out from yesterday’s weather, but even if it was wet, it wouldn’t have stopped me from sitting down. I was just too keyed up.
“Join me? Patting the spot beside him, he inclined his head. “Pretty please? I’m lonely all by myself over here.”
Biting down on my lip, I sat a few feet away from him and then busied myself with finding my astronomy notebook. As I pulled it out, I glanced over at him and our eyes locked. I couldn’t look away. Intense. That was the first word that came to mind. His stare was intense, like he was seeing right through me.
Clearing my throat, I fixed my attention on the notebook. Finally, Cam spoke. “What constellation are we supposed to be mapping.”
He held the flash light while I skimmed through my notes. “Um, the Corona Borealis, I think.”
“Ah, the northern crown.”
I glanced at him, brows raised. “You knew that off the top of your head?”
He laughed. “I might not take notes, but I do pay attention.”
I was pretty sure he slept through the vast majority of the class yesterday. I slid out the grid Professor Drage made for us and then the star map and found the Corona Borealis on it. “I really don’t understand how anyone sees shapes in the stars.”
“Really?” He scooted over and peered over my shoulder. “The shapes are pretty obvious.”
“Not to me. I mean, it’s just a bunch of stars in the sky. You can probably see whatever you want to see.”
“Look at the Borealis.” He tapped his finger off the map. “It’s obviously a crown.”
I laughed. “It does not look like a crown. It looks like an irregular half-circle.”
He shook his head. “Look. You can see it now easily. That’s a crown. Come on, see the seven stars.”
I tipped my head back as I grabbed a pen from my bag. “I see the seven stars, but I also see about a hundred other peeking out. I also see the cookie monster.”
Cam burst into laughter. It was a nice sound, deep and rich. “You’re ridiculous.”
My lips pulled into a smile as I hovered my pen over the grid. I had no idea what latitude line to start at. I glanced up toward the Borealis and managed to draw a line where I thought I should, connecting two dots.
“You know where the name comes from?” When I shook my head, he reached over and took the pen from my hand. His fingers brushed mine, and I pulled my hand back, planting it in the lush grass. “It represents the crown given from the god Dionysus to Ariadne. When she married Bacchus, he placed her crown in the heavens in honor of their marriage.”
I stared at him. “Professor Drage didn’t teach that in class.”
“I know.”
Leaning back, I studied him. “Then how did you know that?”
“Why don’t you know that?”
I cocked my head to the side, brows raised.
“Okay. Maybe most people wouldn’t know that off the top of their head.” He twirled my pen between his fingers. “I actually took part of this class as a freshmen, but had to drop it.”
“Really?”
He nodded, but didn’t elaborate.
“You’re, what, a junior?”
“Yep. I ended up having to take a year off, which put me behind.”
I wanted to ask why, but decided it was none of my business. “Why did you retake astronomy?” I decided that was a safe topic. “Is it a part of your major.”
“No. I just like the class and Professor Drage.” He paused, flipping off the flashlight. “I’m studying recreation and sport. Would like to get into sport rehabilitation.”
“Oh. Did you…” I trailed off as the girl behind us broke out into a fit of giggles. Glancing over my shoulder, my eyes widened.
The two students from our class were definitely a couple or well on the way to becoming one. Their notebooks were forgotten on the bench. She was in his lap, their faces inches apart and his hand was slipped under the hem of her skirt.
“Now that is an interesting form of stargazing,” Cam commented.
I was grateful for the darkening sky, because my face started to heat. I knew I should turn away, because watching them made me a total creeper, but I couldn’t. Not even when the girl’s hand threaded through the boy’s hair, pulling his head to hers and they started really kissing and his hand was all the way up her skirt, to his forearm.
Wow.
Cam poked me in the arm with my pen, drawing my attention. He looked… curious. “What?” I said.
“Nothing. It’s just that…” He seemed to choose his next words wisely. “You’re watching them like… you’ve never seen a couple do that before.”
“I am?”
He nodded. “So unless you were raised in a convent, I imagined you’ve been in a lap a time or two, right?”
“No, I haven’t!” I winced, because I practically yelled that. “I mean, I haven’t been in a guy’s lap.”
“What about a girl’s lap?”
“What? No!”
A slow grin spread across his face. “I was joking, Avery.”
I gritted my teeth. “I know, it’s just that…”
“What?” He poked me again. “You what?”
My mouth opened and the worse kind of verbal vomit happened. “I’ve never been in a relationship.” The moment those words came out of my mouth I wanted to kick myself in the boob. Who admitted that to a virtual stranger? Clenching the edges of my notebook, I peeked up at Cam. He was staring at me like I’d just claimed to be the Virgin Mary. My cheeks burned. “What? It’s not a big deal.”
He blinked and gave his head a little shake as he turned back to the sky. “You’ve never been in a relationship?”
“No.” I shifted, uncomfortable to the max, like I laid my soul bare.
“Nothing?”
“That’s what no means.”
Cam mouth opened and then closed. “How old are you?”
I rolled my eyes as I wiggled. “I’m nineteen.”
“And you haven’t been in a single relationship?” he asked again.
“No.” The paper was starting to crumple under my fingers. “My parents… they were strict.” Such a lie, but it sounded believable. “I mean, really strict.”
“I can tell.” Cam tapped my pen off his notepad. “So have you gone on a date or anything?”
Sighing, I cast my eyes to my paper. “I thought we were supposed to be mapping stars?”
“We are.”
“No, we’re not. All I have is a scribbly line and you have nothing.”
“That scribbly line is between the Delta and Gamma.” He leaned over, connecting two of the dots. “Here is the Theta and this is the Alpha—brightest star. See, we are halfway done.”
I frowned as I glanced up, tracing the pattern of the stars in the sky. Hell, he was getting it right. Then he leaned in again, his shoulder pressing into mine as he drew a perfect line to another dot on the map. I bit down on my lip as he continued to finish the map without looking up once or at the star map. I was acutely aware of how warm his arm felt even through the two layers of clothing. The warmth from the contact spread up my shoulder and across my chest, kicking my pulse up.
He turned his head toward me. “Now we’re done mapping stars.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Our faces were inches apart and he was way too close. My gaze fell to his lips. They were tipped up on one side and that dimple started to appear in his left cheek. His lips started moving, but I didn’t hear a word he was saying. I wanted to move away, but I… I didn’t want to. Confusion swept through my body as I struggled not to shy away… and not to move closer. It was like being caught between two opposite magnets.
Maybe I should stop staring at his lips.
Sounded like a good plan, because staring at a guy’s lips was kind of creepy, so I forced my gaze up. Oh boy, wrong move, because now I was staring into those panty-dropping eyes as Jacob referred to them earlier when he texted. And Jacob had been right. I bet there was a legion of discarded panties in the wake of wherever Cam went. It should be illegal for a boy to have lashes as thick as his. Even in the darkness, his eyes were the shade of denim. The somewhat tolerable warmth turned into near unbearable heat as it sped through my veins.
I squirmed again, unable to remember feeling like this in a long time. At least not since the Halloween party. Maybe before. Definitely before. There was just something about Cam that sort of made me forget everything except what was happening that very moment. Sounded normal. I liked it for the most part.
“Are you listening to me?”
I blinked slowly. “Huh? Yes! Yes. Totally.”
His grin turned knowing, and I wanted to crawl under a prickly bush. “Yeah… so, you haven’t been on a date?”
“What?”
Cam chuckled softly. “You really haven’t been listening to me at all. You’ve been too busy staring at me.”
“I have not!” My entire face burned with that little fib and I hastily focused on where the couple had been. They were gone now.
He nudged my shoulder. “Yes, you were.”
I screwed up my face. “You are so beyond the acceptable level of arrogance.”
“Arrogant? I’m just stating the truth.” Cam tossed his notebook on the ground and leaned back on his elbows, eyeing me through his lowered lashes. That damn, insufferable lopsided grin was on his face. “There’s nothing wrong with staring at me. I like it.”
My mouth dropped open. How in the world was I supposed to respond to that? “I wasn’t staring at you. Not really. I sort of… dazed out. That’s how thrilling talking to you is.”
“Everything about me is thrilling,” he replied.
“About as thrilling as watching your tortoise cross a road.”
“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”
“Keep calling me sweetheart and you’re going to be limping.”
Cam’s eyes widened. “Oh, listen to you.”
“Whatever.”
“We should do it.”
My mind went straight to where it shouldn’t have gone and my skin started to prickle. “Do what? Go home? I’m all about going home, like right now.”
“Go on a date.”
Obviously I missed an important part in this conversation. I closed my notebook and reached around, grabbing my bag. “I’m not sure I’m following this conversation.”
“It’s really not that complicated.” He laughed when I shot him a look. “We should go out on a date.”
My stomach dropped as I looked back at him. He looked so content, half sprawled on the ground. Was he joking? Was he high? I shoved my notebook into my bag, along with my pen. “I don’t understand.”
Cam laid back and stretched his arms above his head, causing his shirt to ride up and expose a slice of tan skin and two indents on either side of his hips… dear God. I looked away and took a huge gulp of air.
“Typically going on a date is when two people go out for the evening or sometimes during the day. Really, it can be any time of the day or night. It usually involves dinner. Sometimes a movie or a walk in the park. Though, I don’t do walks in the park. Maybe on a beach, but since there aren’t any—”
“I know what a date is,” I snapped, shoving to my feet.
He remained on the ground and he didn’t look like he was moving anytime soon. I should’ve taken my own car. “You said you didn’t understand,” he pointed out gamely. “So I’m explaining what a date means.”
Frustrated… and reluctantly amused, I crossed my arms. “That’s not the part I don’t understand and you know that.”
“I was just making sure we were on the same page.”
“We’re not.”
Cam lowered his arms, but there was sill a gap between his shirt and jeans. Was he wearing underwear? All I saw was a leather belt and jeans. Okay. I didn’t need to start thinking about that. “So now that we both know what a date entails, we should go out on one,” he said.
“Uh…”
Cam laughed as he sat up in one fluid moment. “That’s not really a response, Avery.”
“I…” A date? A date with Cameron Hamilton? Two things rose at once: unease and interest. I took a step back, putting distance between me and him and everything else. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”
His brows shot up in surprise and he laughed. “A girlfriend? No.”
“Then who was that brunette stumbling out of your apartment Wednesday night?” I asked.
Cam’s grin spread into a wide smile. “Have you’ve been watching me, Avery?”
“No. No! What? I wasn’t watching you. I do have a life.”
He arched a brow. “Then how do you know about Stephanie?”
“That’s her name?”
“Well, yes, she has a name and no, she’s not my girlfriend.” He cocked his head to the side as he stared up at me. “And she wasn’t stumbling. Maybe shuffling.”
I rolled my eyes.
“So how did you see her if you weren’t watching me?” he asked as he crossed his ankles. “And I don’t mind the idea of you watching me. Remember, I like that.”
I forced myself to take a deep, slow breath before I walked up and kicked him in the leg. “I wasn’t watching you. I couldn’t sleep and I was staring out my living room window. I just happened to see you walking her out to her car.”
“Well, that makes sense. Not nearly as entertaining as you standing by your window hoping to catch a glimpse of me.”
All I could do was stare at him.
He winked, and damn, if he didn’t look good doing it. “Steph’s not my girlfriend by the way. We aren’t like that.”
Which meant they were most likely hooking up and there was nothing wrong with that. And maybe that was what he wanted from me with this whole date thing. Jacob would be thrilled to hear that. Mental note to self: so not telling him about this. “I’m not like that.”
“Like what?” he asked.
So he was going to make me spell it out. Of course. Why not? “I’m not like her.”
“Do you know her?”
My eyes narrowed. “I don’t just hook up with guys for fun, okay? I don’t see anything wrong with it. Totally not judging here, but that’s not me. So I’m not interested. Sorry.”
“Wait a sec. I’m confused. You’re not judging her, but you’ve made the assumption that she’s into random hook ups? That’s she’s my f*ck buddy? Isn’t that kind of making a rash judgment based on assumptions?”
Damn it, he had a point. “You’re right. I don’t know if that’s what you guys are about. Maybe you’re just childhood buddies or something.”
“We’re not.” That mischievous grin was back. “We hook up every once in a while.”
I gaped at him. “I was right! Then why did you accuse me of being judgmental?”
“I was just pointing it out,” he replied, eyes twinkling like those damn stars in the sky. “And for the record, we didn’t hook up Wednesday night. Not for the lack of trying on her part, but I wasn’t feeling it.”
I remembered how the girl had looked and I wondered what red-blooded male wouldn’t have been feeling that. “Whatever. This is a stupid conversation.”
“I like this conversation.”
Shaking my head, I bent and reached for my bag, but Cam shot to his feet and grabbed it before I could get my fingers around the strap. I sighed as I held out my hand. “Give it to me.”
“I’m trying to.”
I shot him a disgusted look.
Chuckling, he stepped forward and laid the strap over my shoulder. His fingers brushed my neck, and I couldn’t stop my body from jumping at the slight touch. He stepped back and picked up the flashlight. “See? I was just being a gentleman.”
“I don’t think you’re a gentleman,” I grumbled as my fingers tightened around the strap. “But thank you.”
He swiped his notebook off the ground and we headed back to where his truck was parked, passing the now empty bench. He shone the flashlight when we hit the field, lightning our path. I guess to prove me wrong, he opened the door for me when we stopped in front of his truck. “Milady.”
“Thank you,” I said, a little more appreciative sounding than before.
Instead of closing the door, Cam leaned against the frame and placed a hand on the edge of the open door. “So, what about it?”
“What about what?”
He eyed me with the same intense interest he had earlier. “Go out on a date with me.”
I stiffened. “Why?”
“Why not?”
“That’s not an answer.” Yanking the strap on the seatbelt, I busied myself with securing it. My hands were shaking, so I kept missing the latch.
“What kind of question was that? How am I—hey, it’s just a seatbelt. Not that hard.” He leaned over, taking control. His hands brushed over mine, and I jerked back against the seat. He paused and looked at me, those lips usually tilted up, started to tip down at the corners. Something flared in his eyes. I don’t know what it was, but it was gone as he snapped the seatbelt in place. He didn’t move back, though. “Why shouldn’t we go out on a date?”
I strained back against the seat, my hands curling into fists in my lap. It wasn’t that I was that uncomfortable with him being so close. It was that I was uncomfortable with the way I noticed every slight touch of skin or look. “Because… because we don’t know each other.”
His lips tipped up again. I decided I liked them like that over the frownie face. “That’s what a date is all about. Getting to know each other.” Cam’s eyes dropped to my mouth. “Go out on a date with me.”
“There’s nothing to know about me.” The words came out in a heady whisper as my chest rose sharply.
He tilted to his head to the side. “I’m sure there is tons to know about you.”
“There’s not.”
“Then we can spend the time with me talking.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Oh, it will be more thrilling than watching Raphael cross a road.”
“Ha.”
He grinned. “Thought you’d like that.”
I felt the side pocket of my bag vibrate against my leg once. A text message? Probably from Jacob. I wanted to reach for it, but I would end up smacking my head off Cam’s. Not something I wanted to repeat. “Can we go yet?”
“Can we go on a date?”
“Good God, you don’t give up.”
“Nope.”
I laughed, couldn’t help it, and his smile spread in response to the sound. “I’m sure there are plenty of girls who want to go out on a date with you.”
“There are.”
“Wow. Modest aren’t you?”
“Why should I be?” he shot back. “And I want to go out on a date with you. Not them.”
“I don’t understand why.”
His dark brows rose. “I can think of a few reasons. You’re not like most girls. That interests me. You’re awkward in this really… adorable way. You’re smart. Want me to list more?”
“No. Not at all,” I told him quickly. I needed to nip this in the bud. Reputation aside, he was a hell of a lot more than I could ever hope to handle. He would expect things I couldn’t give him. Holding a conversation with him was difficult enough sometimes. “I don’t want to go out on a date with you.”
Cam didn’t look surprised by my response or undaunted. “I figured you’d say that.”
“Then why did you ask?”
He finally—thank God—backed away and gripped the side of the door. “Because I wanted to.”
“Oh. Well. Okay. Glad you got it out of your system.”
His brows knitted. “I haven’t gotten it out of my system.”
Oh no. “You haven’t?”
“Nope.” He flashed a charming grin. “There’s always tomorrow.”
“What about tomorrow?”
“I’ll ask you again.”
I shook my head. “The answer will be the same.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He reached out and tapped the tip of my nose. “And maybe you’ll say yes. I’m a patient guy, and hey, like you said, I don’t give up easily.”
“Great,” I muttered, but…oh, oh man, there was an unfamiliar stirring in my chest.
“Knew you’d see it that way.” Cam tweaked the tip of my nose, and I swatted his hand away. “Don’t worry. I know the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
Cam stepped back. “You want to say yes, but you’re just not ready.”
My jaw dropped.
“It’s okay.” His grin turned cocky. “I’m a lot to handle, but I can assure you, you’ll have fun handling me.”
Then before I could muster up a response worthy of that statement, he tapped my nose once more and then shut the door in my face.
#
Back in my apartment, I dropped my bag on the couch and collapsed next to it. Go out on a date with Cameron? Was he insane? He had to be joking or just flirting. On the ride home, he hadn’t mentioned it again, instead he spent the time drilling me about my schedule. Question by question, he dragged out every detail about the classes I was taking. By the time we’d got back to the building, I was exhausted.
Leaning my head back against the cushion, I closed my eyes. My heart was beating pretty fast for just sitting down. Was he being serious about not hooking up with Stephanie on Wednesday? Seemed odd to me that he hadn’t if she really had been all over him.
Honestly, it didn’t matter.
I couldn’t do a relationship of any sorts. Maybe one day. Hopefully one day, because I didn’t want to be like this for the rest of my life. Eventually I wanted to be the girl who got excited about being asked out on a date instead of the girl who came home and did this.
Opening my eyes, I groaned. “I’m Se?or F*cktard. Or Se?orita F*cktard.”
I pushed to my feet and started halfway to the bedroom before I remembered my vibrating bag. “Shit.”
Hurrying back to the couch, I reached into the side pocket and pulled out my cell. I tapped the screen, fully expecting to see a text from Jacob or Brittany pop up. Instead I saw a missed call and voicemail.
“What the hell?”
I ran my fingers along the side and figured out I’d knocked the damn thing to silent. Sliding my figure along the screen, I unlocked it and saw that the call was from an UNKNOWN CALLER.
My heart skipped a beat.
No big deal. Probably a wrong call or a telemarketer. I went to the voicemail page and my finger hovered over the delete button. The past raised its ugly, bitter head. How many times did I get a prank call from people blocking their number? Too many to count, but that couldn’t be it. My number was new, like my email….
I cursed again.
Taking a deep breath, I hit the message and raised it to my ear. There was a pause and then a gravelly, indistinguishable voice crackled through the phone. “You know what happens to liars and skanks? They get a big, fat—”
Crying out, I hit the delete button before I could hear anything more. I dropped the phone on the couch instead of tossing it against the wall and backed up like it was some kind of venomous creatures perched on the cushions.
Any method of communication could become poisonous. Didn’t I already know that firsthand? A strangled laugh escaped me. Really, did they have nothing better to do? It had been five years. Five years! They couldn’t let go of the past.
Just like deep down, neither could I.