CHAPTER Eight
I don’t sit in my usual lunch spot under the tree. I skip my next class and go home for lunch instead. Grayson has been calling and texting me nonstop since the ‘incident’, as I like to call it, but I don’t want to talk to him. It’s been two days. I have no idea why he acted like that, walking out without a word. I guess I didn’t really know him at all. I avoided his pleading gaze in class today, and even when he sat next to me, I ignored his presence as best as I could. I was the first person out of that class, walking as fast as my legs could take me. And this is why you don’t start something with someone you have to see all the time. It’s awkward, and frankly it hurts to look at him.
I’m unlocking my door when I hear him.
“Paris...” he says, sounding unsure and a little hesitant.
I don’t turn around. “What?”
“Can we talk?” he asks. “Please?”
“What could we possibly have to talk about? Your apparent disgust for virgins?” I say dryly. I put my key back in my purse and open the front door. I close it behind me, not feeling guilty in the least, but he puts his foot inside before the door can close. I sigh, and finally turn around to face him. He looks tired; his hair is messy as though he’s been running his fingers through it over and over again.
“I’m sorry about what happened the other night,” he says, puffing out a breath. “It’s just that…” He stops, and I raise my eyebrow, waiting. I’m actually interested in what he has to say, in whatever reasoning he’s come up with. I want to know what’s going on in that head of his. He looks like he’s going to say something, but then he shakes his head, as if to clear it. “I had no idea you were a virgin.”
“So you decided to ditch me and run?”
“I didn’t run,” he says, looking down at the floor.
I scoff. “There was a Grayson sized hole in the wall.”
“Paris,” he whispers, his voice strained.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s a non-issue anyway,” I say flippantly, looking down at my nails.
“What do you mean?” he asks, brows furrowing.
“We are done,” I say, shrugging.
He opens his mouth, and then snaps it shut. A muscle ticks in his jaw. “I’m sorry, Paris.”
“So am I,” I instantly reply. I watch him flinch at my words but get no satisfaction from it. I want to turn and hide from him, so embarrassed with what occurred between us.
“You don’t mean that,” he says, walking over to me. I stiffen as he leans down to kiss me on the forehead. My eyes shut as his lips touch my skin. “I f*cked up. I was surprised, that’s all. I wish you would have told me.”
“I wanted you to be my first, and then you…” I stop, unable to continue. What I wanted to say was, you ruined it. Giving him my virginity wasn’t a huge deal for me. I was more than ready to have sex with someone. But what happened that night—I didn’t expect it to go like that. I never thought I’d regret choosing Grayson to share that with.
“Forgive me,” he says, taking my chin in his fingers and pushing it up so I have to look him in the eyes. He looks sincere and regretful. I still don’t get why he did it. I know he’s hiding something. But I’m hiding something too, so who am I to judge? He hurt me. That doesn’t mean I don’t want him anymore though. It would be so much easier if I didn’t.
“Let me make it up to you, please,” he says, his eyes pleading. “You don’t understand.”
I puff out a breath, the scene of that night replaying in my head.
“Hey,” he says, cradling my face in his palms. “It will be amazing between us.”
“You sound pretty confident,” I reply, trying to stay emotionless.
He sighs. “Babe, when it comes to you, I’m anything but confident. You make me crazy.”
“Trust me, the feeling is mutual,” I mutter, letting him know with my tone that it’s not a good thing.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, his eyes showing his regret is genuine.
“I’ll see you in class,” I reply, my shoulders relaxing. He gently moves his hand to my nape, squeezing gently.
“I’ll see you then,” he says. One more kiss, this time on my lips, and then he’s gone.
What the hell am I doing?
*****
When someone sits next to me, I turn with a smile on my face. When I see it’s not Grayson, that smile falls.
“Umm, that seat is taken,” I say, shifting on my seat.
The guy looks around and grins. “I don’t see anyone’s name on it.”
I stare at him and recognise him as one of Grayson’s friends. I search my mind for his name, but come up empty.
“Jake,” he says, fighting a smile. “Wow, if that isn’t a blow to my ego…”
“I’m horrible at remembering names,” I say, shrugging sheepishly. “Besides I’ve met a few of Grayson’s friends, it’s kind of hard to keep up.”
“I’ll bet,” he says, sounding amused. Jake is handsome in a preppy way. Not really my type but I can still appreciate his blue eyes and charming smile. “Gray’s not coming in today,” he adds.
I try to mask my disappointment. “Okay,” I say, having no idea what to reply.
“He had to go to Melbourne on a business trip with his dad,” Jake adds. I wonder why Grayson didn’t tell me that himself. It was only yesterday that he came over to apologise, but I haven’t seen or heard from him since.
Some apology.
“So why are you sitting here again?” I ask, not sure what his game is.
Jake chuckles at me. “You don’t mince words, do you?”
I lift my shoulder in a shrug but don’t say anything.
“I thought since Grayson wasn’t here, I’d keep you company,” he says, flicking his pen between his fingers. I force a smile and then concentrate on the book in front of me.
“Not very chatty, are you?” he asks when the lecturer finishes talking. “Most girls would be talking my ear off by now.”
I roll my eyes. “I have nothing to say.” To him anyway.
He chuckles. “What are you doing after class?”
“Going home,” I reply, putting my books into a neat pile on my table.
“Want to get something to eat?” he asks.
“No thanks.”
He winces. “Cut down.”
I sigh, feeling a little guilty. “I’m sorry; I really have to go home and study. But thanks for the invitation.”
He nods, looking amused. “That was a polite rejection.” Does the man ever stop? I don’t stick around to find out.
Walking home, my mind roams to Grayson. After apologising, he just leaves? I pull out my phone and check to see if there are any missed calls or texts from him.
Nothing.
I thought Grayson was perfect. At least, perfect for me, but I guess I was wrong.