CHAPTER Eight
Ryan
You broke me, Ryan.
Her words from last night play in my head. This whole situation is so f*cked up. How do two people come back from this? Is it true that sometimes love isn’t enough? I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was messed up, so f*cking messed up. I had just visited my father in prison. I don’t know why I went. He’d been calling for years, but Reid and I never went to see him. The last night I had seen him was the night he gave Reid that scar. It was also the night we lost our mother. I went to the prison looking for answers, looking for… something. Redemption from something I’d been carrying around for a long time. Guilt. Something I’d always dealt with, something that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy. Like I was a coward.
I left the prison feeling ten times worse than when I walked in. I should have listened to Reid, but I didn’t. And then I f*cked it up, and lost my wife. I could use many different excuses. I was young. I’d never been with another woman besides Taiya, and the list could go on. But the truth was I f*cked up. Plain and simple.
“What’s with the long face?” Summer asks as she cuts limes into slices.
“Just thinking.”
“About Taiya?” she asks, putting the knife down and giving me her full attention. I nod, scrubbing my hands over my face. It’s come to the point where we either need to talk, and work on our marriage, or just let it go and move on with our lives. I won’t accept the latter, until I’ve tried my hardest at the former.
“Yeah, we spoke for a little last night,” I tell her, washing my hands in the sink and taking over the cutting.
“You ever going to tell me what exactly happened between the two of you?” she asks in a soft voice. I look out over the bar for a distraction, but the place is empty. We don’t open for another hour.
“Anything she throws my way I deserve. Let’s put it that way.” And then some.
“Ryan,” she whispers, trying to get me to look at her but I can’t. “Everyone makes mistakes.” Summer forgave Reid for whatever shit he pulled, but this situation is different. I’m not Reid and Taiya isn’t Summer. I don’t answer Summer; I’m living in my head and blocking out the world. When Reid arrives with River, I instantly feel better.
“How long do you have him for?” I ask Reid as I lift River in my arms and kiss his chubby little cheek.
“He’s staying the night at ours.”
“Mia’s letting him?” I ask, surprised. Mia normally lets us have River for a few hours max. She’s such a bitch. Not that I’d ever say that in front of River.
“Yeah. Mia has a date,” he says, telling me with one look all I need to know. Mia wants to get laid, so River is spending the night at Reid’s. Not that I’m complaining, I love the little guy.
“Oh, well, our gain,” I say, ruffling River’s hair. “We better get out of here before the bar opens.”
“You want to come to ours?” Reid asks.
“Yeah, I’ll wait until Tag gets here then I’ll come around.” I hand River over to Reid.
“Okay, see you then,” my brother says, leaving with Summer and River. Tag arrives half an hour later, and we shoot the shit for a little before I take off.
*****
“Where the hell has Dash been lately?” I ask Reid. We’re all sitting in his lounge room, watching cartoons and eating snacks with River. Summer pulled out a whole set of blocks, and other toys to keep him entertained.
“Sorting his sisters out, and working.” Shit, I need to drop by his house and see if there’s anything I can do to help. Dash has four younger sisters, and does practically everything for them. I can’t even imagine what that must be like for him.
“I spoke to him yesterday,” Summer adds, earning a scowl from Reid, which she chooses to ignore.
“And?”
“Yeah, he’s just been busy. Said he will drop by this week sometime,” she says, popping a grape into River’s mouth. Summer’s going to make an amazing mother someday.
“When’s dinner going to be ready? I’m starving.”
“Does Taiya cook?” Summer asks, not answering my question. Reid and I burst out laughing.
“Taiya can’t even fry an egg.”
Summer frowns, like she doesn’t like the idea of me not being fed. “Don’t worry you can always come here and I’ll cook for you.”
“I plan on it,” I say, pulling her close and kissing her on the cheek sloppily.
“Yuck!” she complains, wiping her cheek with her hand.
“Yuck!” River repeats. We all look at him and grin. He’s f*cking adorable; he really is.
“No, really. When’s dinner going to be ready?” I ask my future sister-in-law. Summer laughs and walks into the kitchen. Reid throws me a ‘leave my woman alone’ dirty look. I flash him a wide smile. He throws a pillow at me, which I dodge, and it almost hits a lamp.
“What was going on with you today?” he asks, getting straight to the point.
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Summer said you zoned out. What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks, looking concerned. Why does he always make me feel so much younger than him?
“Just trying to sort through some things with Taiya,” I tell him, being vague.
“I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”
“I know, and thank you. I suppose I have Summer to thank for you growing a vagina?” I joke, moving the subject away from me.
Summer chooses that moment to walk in, carrying a tray. “Oh, so a man shows a little emotion and it’s a chick thing?”
“No.” Yes. “What do you have there?” I ask, peering up at the tray. She puts it in the centre of the table, and I see cheese, crackers, and cold cuts.
“Reid has such good taste in women,” I tell her, eyeing the food. Well, except for all the other women he dated before Summer. Summer wrinkles her nose, letting me know she’s thinking the same thing. “You’re right. He has bad taste; you’re the exception.”
“I’m sitting right here,” Reid growls, pulling Summer onto his lap.
I shield River’s eyes. “Keep it PG people!”
The doorbell rings, and Reid gets up to answer the door.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I ask Summer. She shakes her head no. A few seconds later, Xander walks inside, grinning widely. “What’s for dinner, sis?”