Chapter Eighteen – Aston
One tear falls, and another, and another.
The pain is real. It’s old but real, always there, finally getting to break through. It’s been kept pushed back for so long but its finally getting let out. I’m finally starting to let go of the things that have killed me for years.
Megan’s touch is warm and soft, comforting and safe, and as she pulls me into her, I let her. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t do anything but just hold me. She reminds me I’m not alone, that I’m safe. As much as I need to hold her, I need her to hold me just as much. She grounds me and keeps me here. By focusing on her I’m reminded that I’m not six years old and afraid anymore. She stops the flashbacks consuming me.
“That’s why I major in psych,” I breathe out after a while of her holding me. “Because it means I can help kids like me that have all this shit in their heads. If I’d had someone to talk to when I was younger, I probably wouldn’t be this f*cked up now.”
“You’re not f*cked up.” She sits back and runs her thumbs across my cheeks, drying the tears there. “You had a hard life, Aston, but now you’re dealing with it. You’re proving, yourself, that all those men, they were wrong. By graduating school and coming here, you’re proving them wrong. You did that. No one else.”
“No. I’m always gonna be a little f*cked up, Megs. I’m still gonna wake in the night and wonder if I’m hiding under my bed or if I’m safe. I’m still gonna doubt myself every day, and I’m still gonna be a little broken, no matter what I do.”
“But you’ll also heal a little more every day,” she says softly. “We’ll find a way to help you deal with those nightmares and flashbacks, I promise. I’ll help you, Aston.”
Her blue eyes gaze into mine and her hair falls around our faces, hiding us from the rest of the world. I could lose myself in her eyes a thousand times over and still go back again. I could fall into her touch and never feel the need to get up, and I realize that’s why she’s so different to everyone else.
She gives me what no one else ever has. She slowly pulled me from not caring about anything to caring about her. And she’s made me realize so many things.
Whether mom’s boyfriends were right or wrong in what they said, I made it so they were wrong. When I went to live with Gramps he taught me everything, but it was me that pushed on through it, graduated high school and came to college.
It was me that made it so I could meet Megan.
I will never be like my mom, because she never loved anyone except herself. I can never be that person, destined for a broken life of sex, drugs, and alcohol.
Because I’m completely in love with the girl right in front of me.
~
Here we are, back at the usual Friday nights I craved so much. Friday nights meant forgetting and giving in to physical feelings only. Friday and Saturday nights were the best nights, but now I just want to grab Megan and run. I want to take her away from this shit ass party.
Especially when Lila’s f*cked up plan to get her a date has made its way round the classes we all have and you have every Tom, Dick, and f*cking Harry trying to get in there.
Every time one of those jackasses goes up to her, for a split second, I resent Braden and the fact he’s the reason this relationship is f*cking secret. I’d love to go over to her right now, grab her away from the dick in front of her and kiss her senseless in front of everyone to make my point. I’d do anything to take her away from them and show everyone where she belongs. Who she belongs to.
Because she is mine, and not in a possessive way. It’s my arms she falls into, my lips she kisses, my heart she holds. All of that makes her mine.
Not the arrogant bastard’s she’s talking to.
I slam my bottle down, ignoring startled looks from around me, and push through the throngs of people. I deliberately nudge her back as I pass her and head to the stairs. My feet take them two at a time, flying up them. My room is silent, quiet, and I wait for her to come up.
I just have no idea how long I have to wait. Too long and I’ll end up going back down there, too little and people will guess she’s come after me. People will wonder why… But I don’t know if I care anymore. I don’t know if I can care anymore.
My door opens and closes.
“There has to be a good reason you just stormed up here like a girl on her period with no access to chocolate,” Megan quips.
“I can’t do this secret shit anymore, baby.” I turn around and pin her with my eyes, briefly noticing how well her jeans hug her hips. “I can’t be down there with you surrounded by a*sholes and not slip my arm around your waist and warn them off with my eyes. I can’t f*ckin’ do it. Not now.”
“It’s never bothered you before.”
“It’s always bothered me! You think I’ve never cared when I’ve watched you laughing and joking with whoever it is trying to get inside your damn pants on that night?”
She steps forward. “I never said you didn’t care! I just said it never bothered you – and if it did you never showed me!”
“So if I walked up to a girl and started talking to her for the sake of keeping up appearances, you wouldn’t be bothered by it, huh?” I look at her helplessly. “I can’t watch them f*cking ogle you, Megs. This secret relationship has gone on for too long. We have to come clean.”
Her eyes widen a little. “We can’t… Braden-”
“Will have to f*cking deal with it!” I step in front of her, cupping the side of her face, and she rests her hands against my chest. “He’ll have to deal with it. He’ll have to accept it, because I’m not pretending anymore and I’m not giving you up for shit.”
“He’ll hate us,” she whispers.
“The damage has already been done, baby. It’s him or us.”
She shakes her head, running her bottom lip between her teeth worriedly. “Braden.” I hate the wince she does when she says his name.
“Then we have to tell him,” I say softly, lowering my mouth to hers. “Now. We’ll tell him now.”
The door bursts open “Tell me what?”